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Friday, March 28, 2008
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A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:
TONS of you responded to both issues this week. I perused all
the letters regarding long-distance relationships and chose
two that represent very opposite viewpoints. Plus, many pro-
vided insight on how to help women orgasm, including a male
perspective. That's not all! Don't miss the last letter about
doggy style, and the Letter of the Week! I won't even give you
a sneak peek - you have to read it for yourself. But just make
sure to tell me your reaction. Let's get started...
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Today's Topic: Reader Comments
[Letter of the week:]
Dear Carmen I love your column,
Let me first sate that I am a Metrosexual male who has been
happily married for ten years. Me and my wife are very into
looking good for each other. Thus our diets are very strict
and we excise diligently, and have done so for years. As a
result, we both have bodies that could go on the cover of
any fitness magazine.
The benefits to this is a great love life... since we met
ten years ago the sex between us has been none stop. One of
the biggest reason for this is the very thing that everyone
teaches us is wrong... and that thing is -- vanity. let's
face it, we as human beings are very much into look.
Which brings me to my next point, and this concerns you guys
out there. Men are sexual morons". Here is an eye opener
guys: you wouldn't hear...not tonight dear I have a head-
ache - from your girlfriends or wives if you guys gave your
wives/girlfriends some eye candy to look at. .i.e. a sexy
well sculptured figure. In other words guys: If you want
your wives or girlfriends to look like a playboy centerfold.
Then you should look like the male version of one. Leaving
all of the eye candy burden on your wives or girlfriends is
not fair. It's no wonder a lot of women out there today have
such crappy figures -- and you know what, I don't blame them.
Guys have had crappy figures for centuries and gotten away
with murder, now it's the ladies turn.
Carmen,
I just wanted to write and put a male perspective on the
situation where the young lady's significant other is insens-
itive to her inability to orgasm during sex. Today's entertain-
ment always has the woman orgasming every single time. That's
a whole lot of pressure on a guy. Seriously. One way to
alleviate some of the stress is to vocalize the pleasures you
are receiving during sex. I don't mean actual sentences.
Moans, sighs, little exclamations, and the like can go a long
way in showing a guy that you enjoy what he is doing. My wife
only orgasms if there is clitoral stimulation, so we use a
small vibe that is placed so that she can grind against it
while being penetrated. It appeases one side of the pride
coin, but then the other side gets anxious because she needs
a little extra oomph. Communication, people.
Dear Carmen,
When I saw this letter, I felt I had to respond. Though I am
a very sexual and sensual person NOW and though I thoroughly
enjoy sex, both intercourse and oral NOW, and though I almost
always (at least 8 out of 10 times) have an orgasm during sex
NOW...trust me, it was not always like this.
I was what was terms a late-blooming, having not lost my
virginity until 21 and, while I always enjoyed the actual act
of sex itself, I never knew that big "O" feeling, that over-
the-top, mind-blowing, just completely let go orgasm until
much, much later when I was dating a guy that I was completely
comfortable with and could completely be myself with. I rea-
lize now that, in the past, I had always held some part of
myself back whether it was self-consciousness or what I don't
know. But until I was able to completely & utterly be myself
and trust my partner and get to the point where I knew I could
literally say or do anything with him w/o him judging me or
thinking I'm stupid, only then was I able to completely let
go and let the wave of orgasm hit me and wash over me fully.
It was absolutely amazing!
To the "non-orgasming girl" I would just tell her that I think
her BF is a jerk for taking it so personally as to make her
uncomfortable and self-conscious about having sex. As you
stated, he is insecure about his abilities and is lashing out
at her and that is the exact opposite of what she needs. I
also agree with you on having a "major makeout session" and
about him performing a good amount on oral on HER before they
get into what HE wants. When my BF goes down on me, sometimes
it takes me a good 10 min or so to get full charged and able to
climax, so he needs to spend some time making sure she's fully
charged before thinking of himself. Thanks. Love your column.
Dear Carmen,
I just read the letter from the 21 year old woman who had not
had an orgasm, yet. And I stress the word yet. I wish her
boyfriend would lighten up on her. I don't know how much
experience her has had but it doesn't sound like he knows best
how to please her. She may have to learn more about her own
body and what feels good, as you expected, but sensitive car-
ing guy would enjoy helping her with that!
I don't know why there is so much talk and concern about
orgasms. It doesn't have to happen every time. It was a long
time for me before I had my first one but then it was easy.
But up until that time, I still felt good. Even foreplay can
be an end in itself. The important part is being with the
right guy and it he is it, it will all work out. I don't
think the right man would jump up and take a shower and then
make her feel self-conscious. Doesn't she know there are no
frigid women, only clumsy men? I believe that we are all
responsible for our own sexual satisfaction (I don't mean
masturbation) by being open and communicative buy a partner
can and should be attentive, too and care about making her
feel good, not so focused on himself. He might find out how
great it is if her tried that!
Dear Carmen,
Ive written to you before but this is in answer to todays
column 3/24.As you said not every woman orgasms through pene-
tration and you need to know your body for sexual and health
reasons. I'm taking a human sexuality class for school. My
term paper is actually on this topic orgasms. I think a good
book to recommend to the person who wrote you is The Elusive
Orgasm, A woman's guide to why she cant and how she can orgasm
by Vivienne Cass. Another thing Ive been subscribing to this
ezine for a few years now but I dont remember ever seeing any
information on the types of orgasms men and women can have.
In the research for my term paper I found out that there are
10 Different ways for women to have orgasms and 7 different
ways for men. The book I found this in is The Big O by Lou
Paget. I hope this helps.I also wanted to know is there such
a thing as "faking it" for a man. I saw in a book that it
mentions that men can fake it but I asked someone and they
were totally against believing a man could fake. thanks
[Yep! Men can fake it, too.]
Hi Carmen,
Your recent newsletter regarding LDRs really hit home for me.
I was in an LDR for a little over four years. (We're about to
celebrate our one-year wedding anniversary.) We had an addit-
ional problem added to our relationship- there was a very large
ocean separating us. We chatted online every evening, spoke
on the phone at least twice a month, and wrote letters/post-
cards often. I won't lie and say it was easy. We hated to
part at the airport. I was lucky in that I was able to spend
a large part of the summer with my sweetie. During those
months, we really got to know each other, and see if we were
truly compatible. It was hard not getting to spend holidays/
birthdays together, but we always set aside a time on those
days to talk on the phone.
We sent presents through the mail, and watched each other
open them via the webcam. It's my opinion that we've learned
not to take our relationship for granted. We worked too hard
to get where we are. We made lots of sacrifices in order to
merge our lives. We don't bicker over silly things. We have
an extreme amount of love and respect for each other. My hus-
band knows it was the hardest thing for me to leave my friends,
family, and everything I'd ever known. But, at the end of
the day, our relationship makes it all worthwhile. We're
basically just thrilled to be in the same time zone. :)
An LDR isn't much different from a 'regular' relationship.
You still have to tend to it, nurture it, keep things from
getting stale and whatnot. You have to be mindful of the
other person when you are apart. Conduct yourself as though
your partner is at home waiting for you. I went out with my
friends, as did he, but we never did anything to jeopardize
our relationship. That's where the trust comes in. And,
there again, trust is key to any relationship. Thanks, Carmen,
for giving LDRs a mention in your newsletter. London loves ya!
Hi Carmen,
After reading your column on long distance relationships, I
had to respond. I live in Minnesota, my love lived in Texas.
We met “by chance” online. Not a dating service, on a web
site message board devoted to music. We instantly hit it off
and became friends and started trading emails and getting to
know each other. It was more of a friendship at first then
anything romantic, but it slowly grew and soon we were close
and started calling each other. He was a musician and I hosted
a website devoted to the kind of music we liked. I even helped
him and his band launch a website.
He often talked about moving north, but I knew he would hate
it as much as I hated the thought of moving to Texas, yet he
talked more of moving north then I did of moving south. At
first the “honeymoon” period as you put it was great. We’d
have long phone conversations that soon escalated into very
sexy conversation. I have to admit, it was wonderful and I
had no doubts I was truly in love with him. The one thing
about not being physical with someone and only talking to
them, you really get in their heads and get to understand
them. I felt we had a better understanding of each other
only because we talked more then any couple I knew. We
talked about our past, our dreams and what we want in the
future.
This went on for a about a year. As you noted, trust had a
big play in our relationship. We did make plans to get toget-
her as much as we could, but it was tough with our schedules
and financially it was hard too. Also it was taking its toll
on us physically. We both wanted to be together but of course
it was impossible to be as much as we wanted to as fun as
phone sex can be, it’s not the same. He broke it off after a
year, and then a few months later we got back together. The
on/off thing went on for another year. He only admitted one
infidelity to me, but I do wonder if there were more. I knew
I wanted him and had no interest in other men, but after awhile
I knew it was fruitless and today we are friends and he is
engaged to a woman where he lives. I only wish him happiness,
and yes I still love him very much but know it’s never going
to work. I don’t regret our time together. He changed my life
and I will be forever grateful to him.
I no longer think LDR are good things and tell people that
if someone doesn’t move within the year, then move on. Most
of the time I discourage it and tell them why. I feel after
the three years I spent waiting on someone gives me the experi-
ence to warn others. Signed, Loved and learned in Minnesota
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Carmen,
In reply to the gal who likes it on the edge of the bed with
her partner standing up. We also like it on the edge, both
doggy and with her legs over my shoulders. She has a nice ass
so you know how I'm voting. But when she flips over, I gently
put my hands on the flat of her stomach and massage her clit
with my thumbs. This drives her nuts! So now you know how she's
voting. Generally these elections result in very pleasant ties.
Sometimes we even demand a re-vote! Anyhow, give it a try and
see if it works for you.
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I wanted to end this week's reader comments issue on a very
positive note :) Thank you to everyone who responded with
their experiences and advice. The "metrosexual male's" letter
is a nice lead-in to an issue we will discuss next week -
how, when, or if you should tell your partner to lose weight.
On that note, have a wonderful weekend, everyone! As always,
I remain...
Devotedly yours,
Carmen Sutra
*********************WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP**********************
CBS Exposes Hillary Clinton Lie
In this clip, CBS exposes Hillary Clinton's false statements
about a trip to Bosnia in 1996. Do you think Clinton misspoke,
misremembered, or just lied?
Hillary
Viral Videos on the Net at EVTV1.com
EVTV1.com
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