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Friday, October 19, 2007
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A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:
This week's round of reader comments includes quite a variety
of topics. Some of you shared your office romance stories,
make-up sex scenarios, and oral sex questions. What do you
do if your eyes tear up so much from a gag reflex during oral
that your partner freaks out? Do people crave sex after some-
one dies? And do relationships really require total honesty?
Let's get to it.
*
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*
Today's Topic: Reader Comments
Carmen, darlin',
I would never ever tell you you're full of crap! Your list is
very, very sound. I would only suggest a fourth staple -
honesty. Not necessarily the full-on, take-no-prisoners hurt-
ing kind (the occasional "why, yes I like that blouse" when
you don't has never broken up a long-term relationship), but
in matters where it counts. Don't tell your partner things
are fine if they're not. Don't lie about the amount you're
spending, how much porn you like, or say what you think she
wants to hear just to shut her up then change it later because
you weren't telling the truth the first time. And, of course,
the whole cheating thing. A relationship must be based on
trust and there can be no trust when you're never sure if
your partner is telling you the truth or not.
Carmen,
I totally agree that after a long time without being connected
due to a heated argument, the sex can be charged and quite
fabulous! But, one of my guy friends revealed to me that he
would start a fight with his wife just to have the make-up
sex! I think this is misguided and alittle sick -- if that's
what you need to do to have a great sex life, then there might
be some other issues that can be addressed.
I, personally, have to wait a span of time after the argument
before I can feel good enough, close enough and sexy enough
to have a great time in bed. I know that men say that we use
it as a 'tool' or weapon but let me clear the air, it's not
about punishing YOU, or about you at all. It's about giving
us time to feel good and welcoming toward our mates once
again. You can have passion without anger -- can't you?
Carmen,
I really enjoyed your posting about make up sex. I believe in
make up sex big time...Not that I always agree with arguing
just to have sex but it is great. It is a wonderful way for
me to release all of my anger and for him to do that also,
although I tend to always be the one with more anger so I
just take complete control over the sex in the bedroom and
just take out all my anger. I love reading you articles,
Thanks for the great reading, Enjoyer of great makeup sex.
Carmen,
I am currently in a relationship that resulted from an office
romance. I was his supervisor. I, unfortunately, was married
at the time, and ended up divorcing my husband to be with the
man I met at the office. I had thought I was happily married
for the most part, but this man made me realize how happy I
could really be. We have been together 2 1/2 years now, and
are very happy. It was difficult trying to keep our romance
a secret from everyone else at the office, especially since
our co-workers and bosses were extremely nosy people. They
did find out; they could tell by the way we acted even though
we tried to be subtle. I guess our feelings were so strong we
just couldn't hide them. My boyfriend ended up quitting, and
then a few months later, I quit as well. It was just too hard
to stay there when I knew everyone was talking about our
relationship behind our backs. I would say to anyone who is
considering to pursue an office romance to go for it, but be
prepared to either change jobs (or departments, if possible),
as it is extremely difficult to keep personal and professional
lives separate. For me, it was all definitely worth it--I now
have a wonderful man and a better job!
Dear Carmen,
This column speaks to me. I was interested in one of my co-
workers from the moment I met him. He is funny, cute, smart,
everything I wanted in a guy. After months of being good
friends and hanging out outside of the office we finally
hooked up. We continued to see each other with no one in the
office being the wiser. Then I told my best friend who also
worked with us (we were friends way before the job), a few
months later she started an office romance but a very obvious
one. When the boss pulled her aside to talk to her about her
unproffesional behavior she told him about my relationship!
Needless to say we are not friends any more but because we
had never flaunted anything a work the boss did not believe
her. He assumed she was trying to cover her own butt. I got
very lucky in this situation and the key is just handling it
right. Him and I are only great friends now but I loved our
time together.
Carmen
I don't know about make up sex, but why would a person feel
like having sex when a family member dies. Yep thats right,
my mother died, and it was like 2am when we got back from the
hospital and he wanted sex. His father died and it was that
way again. Went to my uncles funeral and after the viewing
went back to the hotel and yep he wanted sex. What gives? I
have never seen this in your newsletters. Signed, Waiting for
death
[It might sound odd, but desiring sex after losing a signifi-
cant person is actually more common than you might think.
It's all about connecting with someone during times of a deep
sense of loss. Making love is a powerful agent in reconnect-
ing to life.]
Hi Carmen!
I'm a long time reader and I love your ezine. Anyways, I just
have a kinda weird question, my boyfriend and I were fooling
around the other night. Long story short, he's never had oral
sex performed on him, so I gave him oral, but when I went to
deep throat him, my gag reflex kicked in and tears started to
roll down my face. Now the thing is, I didn't have a problem
on deep throating, just the crying reaction. And since it was
his first time, he freaked out. I tried to tell him that it
wasn't that big of a deal, that surely I wasn't the only one
whose eyes teared up while deep throating. I don't think that
I comforted him at all. So basically, the question(s) is/are:
Am I the only one whose eyes tear up while deep throating? And
should I be worried that he freaked out about them, and what
do I say to help him with that? Thanks!
[You are absolutely not the only one this happens to! Eyes
tear up as a natural reaction to gagging, plucking eyebrows,
chopping onions, etc. It really had nothing to do with the oral
sex; your tear ducts reacted to the gagging, as you suspected.
But since he had nothing to compare it to, it's understandable
that he took this as a bad sign. Reiterate that it was a natural
reaction, but next time don't deep throat him as much. Start
him off easier and build up! Have fun!]
*
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*
Thanks, of course, to all those who shared their stories
this week. Up next on the agenda: REVENGE sex and 35 years
of wisdom. You will just have to tune in next week to find
out what that means. PLUS, we are close to a new month,
and you know what that means: new sexual positions! Have a
yummy weekend, all! As always, I remain...
Devotedly yours,
Carmen Sutra
*********************WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP**********************
SEPARATE TABLES - TRAILER
Deborah Kerr has died and EVTV1 offers this special video.
The stories of several people are told as they stay at a sea-
side hotel in Bournemouth which features dining at 'Separate
Tables.' Watch the trailer for this Oscar winner.
Separate
Viral Videos on the Net at EVTV1.com
EVTV1.com
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