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Water Crisis Looming

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       Classic Laff-a-Day - August 13, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

Did you hear about the University of Central Florida's new on-
campus stadium? Yeah, it sits over 43,000 students. Problem is,
they didn't put any water fountains in the place, and kids were
collapsing from heat exhaustion during the first game of the
season.

When asked about this stupid fucking idea one official said that
the students are going to have to go to the concession stands
and buy water.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of paying $1.50
for 16 ounces of water. I think we need to go on a Bottled Water
Boycott. It's only tap water anyway. How about we all buy one of
those permanent bottles that we can reuse, fill it up with ice
water and lug that around?

Plus all the environmental damage discarding all those empty
bottles does. By the way, are you pissed off paying for
a gallon of gas? Do you know what you're paying per gallon of
water? $12.00.

Crystal-clean-mountain-springly,

TZ 

mailto:tz@laffaday.com 

Send me your comments and jokes: 
Submit a Comment 


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Several weekends ago, I was rushing around trying to do some
Valentine's Day shopping. I was stressed out and not thinking
very fondly of the weather right then. It was dark, cold, and
wet in the parking lot.

As I was loading my car up, I noticed that I was missing a
receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I
retraced my steps to the mall entrance. As I was searching the
wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing.

The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12-
years-old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just
wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold
night's chill.

Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.
Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him
what was wrong.

He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large
family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had
died when he was 9-years-old. His mother was poorly educated
and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support
her large family. Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and
save two hundred dollars to buy her children some Valentine's
Day presents (since she didn't manage to get them anything on
Christmas).

The young boy had been dropped off, by his mother, on the way
to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for
all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He
had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one
of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.

The boy said, "I did."

"And nobody came to help you?" I queried.

The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head. "How
loud did you scream?" I inquired.

The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor
boy cry for help.

So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.

Sincerely,
Kenneth Lay
Former CEO, Enron (before he had a heart attack and died)



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An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the
dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and
exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite
wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean
selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke
and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by
a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues
whispers, "Say something wise."

The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the
money."


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