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Publication: Classic Laffaday
They Don't Get It

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       Classic Laff-a-Day - June 18, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

"Hey, TZ," Magilla barked as he sweated and closed my door, "you
stay away from the new guy. He's a good kid who doesn't have an
appreciation for the perverse."

I flipped him a $.50 piece. "That's for the word 'perverse'. But
if he's the sensitive type I'll just use a different type of

"You don't have a different typr of humor," he cut me off. "Dick
jokes is all you got. Just stay clear. I want him to stick around.
I'm going to ask Clean Laffs Joe to make him feel at ease. I don't
want you to wreck him."

"Clean Laffs Joe?" I mumbled. "OK, but the only thing that Joe is
going to ease is his penis into his rectum."

He glowered at me.

"Get it?" I said. 'Wreck him'--'rectum'? Get it?"

He left.




Send me your comments and jokes: 
Submit a Comment 

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Chuck was always shy with girls. One evening, he got his best
friend, Bob, to go with him to a singles bar. Bob, being very
experienced, was supposed to help Chuck in his quest for
female companionship, and sexual companionship.

One sweet young thing in the room noticed Chuck, thought he
was cute, and decided to make contact with him. Since she was
a little shy, she could not just go up to him, but had to use

"Bob," Chuck said. "That girl over there is giving me the eye.
What should I do?"

"Give her the eye back," replied Bob. So Chuck, as best as he
could, gave her the eye. A few moments passed.

"Bob," said Chuck, now getting rather excited. "She's smiling
at me. What do I do?"

"Smile back," was the reply. So Chuck, trying to appear cool
and calm, smiled back. A few more moments passed.

"Bob!" exclaimed Chuck. "She bent over and showed me her tits.
Now what do I do?"

"Show her your nuts," Bob calmly replied.

So Chuck turned toward the girl, stuck his thumbs in his ears,
and waving his fingers stuck out his tongue, and wiggling it,
exclaimed, "Bluble, bluble, bluble!"

Pilot: "Have you ever flown in a small plane before?"

Passenger: "No, I have not."

Pilot: "Well, here is some chewing gum. It will help to keep
your ears popping."

Pilot (after the plane landed): "Did the gum help?"

Passenger: "Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can’t
get the gum out of my ears."

"If you want to ruin a man, give him loads of money when
he is young."
     ---Grandpappy TZ

Ball player sued for lack of Autographs
NEW YORK (Reuters) - A sports memorabilia company is suing
Boston Red Sox star David Ortiz -- claiming the popular 
slugger does not sign enough autographs. Steiner Sports 
Marketing is seeking at least $1 million in damages from the
31-year-old Dominican, in a lawsuit filed on Friday in New York
state court.

The lawsuit charged that Ortiz consistently fell short of the
autograph quota to which he agreed and that he lent his autograph
to competing companies. Ortiz also failed to appear at signing
sessions or at corporate meet-and-greet events, as his contract
requires, the lawsuit said. According to the suit, Ortiz entered
into an exclusive contract with Steiner in 2004 to provide 8,000
autographed memorabilia for sale and to participate in up to four
two-hour-long autograph sessions. Representatives for Ortiz and the
Red Sox were not immediately available for comment.

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Nancy, a city girl, married a farmer.

One morning, before the farmer went out to the field, he said,
"Honey, the artificial insemination man is coming over this
morning to impregnate one of the cows. I put a nail in a
two-by-four over the stall. Please show him where it is."

When the man arrived, Nancy led him down the row of stalls
until she saw the nail. She pointed to the stall and the man
remarked, "Are you sure?"

"Yep, it's the one with the nail," said Nancy.

"What's the nail for?" inquired the man.

"Well, I guess it's there to hang your pants on."


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