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       Classic Laff-a-Day - July 2, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

I like reading quotes. Sometimes they are silly and sometimes
profound, but always they reveal the thinking of the author.

Frequently a bit of meaning is lost if we don't have the context
in which the statement was uttered. For example, if we didn't
know that Neil Armstrong was climbing down the ladder about to
be the first man to step foot on the moon, then we might not be
so impressed with his quote, "One small step for man, one giant
leap for mankind."

If we didn't know the success of Julius Caesar in reforming Rome
to his own designs, then we might think he was a blowhard for
saying, "I came, I saw, I conquered."

So when I came across this quote from Albert Einstein that I
had never seen before: "Where there is love, there are no
questions" I took it upon myself to do the research to discover
the context in which he said it. Here's what I found:

Albert was on the couch in his uncle's living room in Berlin
making out with his cousin Elsa. He put his hand on her breast
and she sighed and shivered. He slipped his hand under her skirt
and she protested.

"Ich nine bine mine twat!" she said breathing heavily, (which
means, 'please, no, we are first cousins and our union would be

Albert reportedly undid his zipper, pulled out his hairy,
shriveled little pecker, and said the now famous, "Where there
is love, there are no questions."




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Fanny and Myron get married and on their first night in bed,
Myron puts his arm around Fanny and very sweetly whispers,
"Fanny darling, please pull up your nightgown."

Very sweetly Fanny answers, "Nooo."

Myron asks again, a little sterner, "Fanny pull up your

Fanny again says, "No."

Myron is now angry and says, "Fanny, pull up your nightgown
or I'm going out the door and you'll never see me again."

"No." says Fanny.

So Myron gets up and goes out the front door, slamming it
behind him. Fanny immediately gets up and locks the door.

Not too long after, Myron is back. He tries the front door
but finds it locked. So he taps on the door and says, "Fanny,
my darling, open the door, it's me."

Fanny says, "Nooo."

Myron knocks a little louder, "Fanny, sweetness, please open
the door."

"No." says Fanny.

Myron starts kicking the door and shouts, "Fanny, open this
door right now or I'll break it down."

Fanny says, "Really? A door you can break down, but a nightgown
you can't pull up?"

Sam and Abe, now in their late seventies, first met in the
second grade in a school on the lower East Side of New York.
Their relationship now is one of playing pinochle, playing
jokes and making bets.

Sam calls Abe and says, "I got a bet for you: I bet you that
mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars!"

Abe says, "How can that be? If you knew anything about
biology, you..."

Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is
longer soft than yours is hard. One thousand dollars...yes
or no?"

Abe says, "Okay, okay, I'll take your bet! How long is yours

Sam says, "Eleven years."

The young man goes into a bar and picks up a tall woman. After a
night of drinking and dancing they go back to his place. She
unzips his fly and starts playing with his dick.

"Wow," he says, "you handle my penis so well...."

"I should," she replies, "I used to have one."

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Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.

"Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy
said. "I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"

"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is
compliment her. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have
her in the palm of your hand."

About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a
black eye.

"Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked.

"I took your advice."

"Didn't you compliment her?"

"Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her
that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked
that. After awhile I started feeling her tits, and I told her
that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like
that too."

"It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.

"Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went
wrong. I got her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to
think of another compliment."

"What did you say?"

"For such a large crack, it sure doesn't stink much."


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