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       Classic Laff-a-Day - July 23, 2008
                    Laffaday.com 
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

Did you hear that Tony Orlando and Dawn are getting back
together? Yes, because U.S. Senator Larry Craig (R) of Idaho has
asked them to change their smash hit from: "Knock three times on
the ceiling if you want me, twice on the pipe if your answer is
no." To "Tap four times in the washroom for some sodomy, twice
on my pipe if you're just gonna blow."

Rumor has it that Hollywood mucky mucks are trying to sign
Owen Wilson to play the senator in a new tell-all movie called
Bathroom Stall Confessions: When You're Fresh Out of Pages to
Poke."

Owen Wilson was not available for comment because he was busy
trying to kill himself. The Senator, however, said, "Hey, I
can't help it. I should probably go into rehab."

Asspoundingly,

TZ 

mailto:tz@laffaday.com 

Send me your comments and jokes: 
Submit a Comment 


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It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the
local reservation and try to get the Native American vote.
They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech.
The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was
getting more and more excited. "I promise better education
opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was
a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their
enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on
the Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native
Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting,
"Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation,
and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a
ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he
could get closer to take a look at the cattle.

"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the
hoya."



While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they   
decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.   

They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The follow-   
ing week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.   

Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti   
sauce and extra long spaghetti.   

Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.   

About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-   
Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which   
Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"   

Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?   
"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna switch back   
to paper." 



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Application To Live In New Jersey   


NAME:__________________________   
NICKNAME:______________________   

ADDRESS: ______________________      EXIT # __________   
         ______________________   

ETHNIC BACKGROUND: _______Italian   _______Sicilian   ________Jewish   

BACKYARD SMELLS LIKE:   
a)Sewage           b)Sulfur        c)Garbage       d)All of the above   

TOTAL NUMBER OF MUSCLE SHIRTS   
a)5 - 10           b)10 - 15       c)15 - 20       d)20 and above   

TOTAL NUMBER OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS   
a)5 - 10           b)10 - 15       c)15 - 20       d)20 and above   

TOTAL NUMBER OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS THAT ARE ALSO MUSCLE SHIRTS   
a)5 - 10           b)10 - 15       c)15 - 20       d)20 and above   

BRAND OF JEANS PREFERRED   
a)Sergio Valente   b)Jordache      c)Sassoon       d)Z. Cavaricci   

PERCENTAGE OF WARDROBE WHICH IS LEATHER   
a)100%             b)95-100%       c)90-95%        d)85-90%   

TOTAL NUMBER OF GOLD CHAINS OWNED   
a)10 - 15          b)15 - 20       c)20 - 25       d)25 and above   

TOTAL NUMBER OF GOLD CHAINS WORN AT ONE TIME   
a)5 - 10           b)10 - 15       c)15 - 20       d)20 and above   

APPROXIMATE VALUE OF ALL THIS JEWELRY   
a)$ 5 - $10        b)$10 - $15     c)$15 - $20     d)Stolen   

GOLD CAP ON AT LEAST ONE TOOTH?            YES          NO   

HAIR HEIGHT   
a)6 - 8 Inches     b)8 - 12 Inches  c)1 - 2 feet   d)More than 2 feet   

HAIR PRODUCTS USED AT ANY GIVEN TIME   
a) Hair Spray   
b) Styling Gel   
c) Mouse   
d) Extra Hold Styling Gel   
e) Bondo   
f) Spackle   
g) 40 Weight Oil   
h) Crazy Glue   

AUTOMOBILE OWNED:   
a) IROC Z   
b) Firebird   
c) Camaro   
d) Mustang   
f) Chevette (You got a fucking problem with that?)   

NUMBER OF INCHES CAR IS OFF THE GROUND   
a)6 - 8 Inches     b)4 -6 Inches   c)2 - 4 Inches  d)Under 2 Inches   

CHARACTERISTICS OF AUTOMOBILE   
a) Gold chain around license plate   
b) Neon lights around license plate   
c) Neon lights under car   
d) Chippendales/Playboy air freshener hanging from rear view mirror   
e) Garter hanging from rear view mirror   
f) Chrome hubcaps   
g) Stick-on window tinting   
h) Stick-on paint splash stickers   
i) Fuzzy dice   

FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM   
a) Fucking Giants   
b) Fucking Jets   
c) Fucking Mets   
d) Fucking Yankees   
e) Fucking Nets   
f) Fucking Knicks   
g) Fucking Devils   
h) Fucking Rangers   
i) Fucking Islanders   

FAVORITE MUSIC   
a) Techno   
b) Rap   
c) Bon Jovi   
d) Bruce Springstein   

ESSAY QUESTION   

In 100 words or less, Define the term "Yoose Guys."   


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