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Literalism

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       Classic Laff-a-Day - July 10, 2008
                    Laffaday.com 
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

I'm leaving the office early today because Magilla told me to
go fuck myself. I'm kind of shy so I'll have to do it at home.

Self-abusingly,

TZ 

mailto:tz@laffaday.com 

Send me your comments and jokes: 
Submit a Comment 


Do you remember Bozo The Clown?

If you're like me you grew up watching Bozo The Clown. There
were many different Bozo's around the country. Here in Chicago
it was Bob Bell. Even Willard Scott got his start being Bozo.

But there was one Bozo who started it all and to most people
he IS the one and only Bozo. That's Larry Harmon. 

On July 3, 2008 we lost Larry. Luckily his work and the magic
that is Bozo will live on forever. Check out this video clip
of Bozo. 

You can also buy the DVD at a discounted price. Check it out 
by visiting: 

Watch the magic of Bozo by visiting here



For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember,
it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from
National government employee performance evaluations:

 
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom
and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more
of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like
a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change
feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails
to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the
better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it
all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary
ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

13. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

14. "He's been working with glue too much."

15. "He would argue with a signpost."

16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's
the other one."

19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

20. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train
isn't coming."

23. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is
out looking for it."

24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice
a week."

25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

28. "One neuron short of a synapse."

29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.



The two young brothers watched through a keyhole as their older
sister got in on with her boyfriend.

"Oh, Jim," she moaned. "You're about to go where no man has gone
before!"

One brother looked at the other and snickered. "Well then I
guess he's gonna screw her in the ass."



What's this?

"Give it here!"

"NO, IT'S MINE!"

"I said let me have it!"

"NO! IT'S MY TURN!"

"Common! Give it to me!"

"NO WAY!"

Siamese twins whacking off.



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cycle leaving clothes softer and towels more absorbent. 

As they tumble around in the dryer they lift and separate 
fabrics allowing air to flow more efficiently thus 
reducing drying time up to 25%. 

Use them over and over again and they last for years! Each 
package contains 2 Reusable, Non-Toxic Dryer Balls. Do
yourself and the environment a favor and grab a set. Visit:

Dryer Balls - The Natural Fabric Softener



A lonely wife brought a man she had just met at a bar home to
her bedroom one evening when she thought her husband was out
of town. They immediately tore each other's clothes off and
started going at it. She sat up quickly in bed as she heard
the key in the lock.

"Quick!" she said to the man, "it's my husband! You've got to
get out of here quick!"

"Where's the back door?" the man asked as he grabbed his
clothes.

"There isn't one," she replied.

"Where would you like one?" he asked.


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END OF CLASSIC LAFF-A-DAY: 

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