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It'll Pass

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       Classic Laff-a-Day - June 27, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

My kids were swimming at the neighbors, my wife was shopping
with a friend and I was watching golf on TV. Normally I play
golf on Sunday, but two of my foursome are out of town and the
other one was cleaning his garage. That's when an old buddy of
mine called and wanted to get out.

I met him at the course and we finished the front nine in about
an hour and a half. Then the clouds started rolling in. We
played on. Then it started drizzling. We put on our rain gear
and played on. Then it started pouring. We took off our gloves
and played on.

Then a ranger came and said lightning was about 5 miles away,
but we didn't need to leave yet because it might miss us to the
north--so we played on. Then the tornado sirens began to wail
and we looked around...

"Hey," he said, "is that a tornado?"

I looked closely. "No...it's a funnel cloud," I said as we both
stared at it. We watched it swirl and elongate and when it
touched down I said, "Now it's a tornado."

At that moment another ranger drove up and said, "Are you guys
crazy? Don't you hear the sirens?"

"Don't need the sirens," my buddy said pointing at the tornado,

"You crazy sons a bitches! You're the only ones on the course.
Everbody else left. Now you gotta get in!"

I looked at him and said, "I guess it is pretty bad out, what
with the tornado, lightening, rain and all."

"I guess."

"We should probably go in."

"I guess."

"Maybe we could wait it out in the clubhouse?"

That's when the ranger exploded. "There are three funnel clouds
and a tornado within 15 miles. We're fucking closing. Now will
you please turn in the cart and go home?"

My buddy said, "I guess."




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Food For Thought:
"Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when
you're finished."

"There is nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut
butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex."
     ---Billy Joel

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying
very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I
need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I
would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are
eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget
that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you
can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

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SHAPE WALK THREE: Moderate to Fast Pace 4.2 to 4.5 mph

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved 
an orgasm. They decide to consult their Rabbi. The Rabbi listens
to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following

"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making
love have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help
wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome
young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It
doesn't help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they
go back to the Rabbi. 

"Okay," he says to the husband," try it reversed. Have the young
man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire
the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with
the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to
work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous
room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm. 

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him 
triumphantly, "You see that, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you
wave a towel!"


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