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I Remember Sex

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       Classic Laff-a-Day - July 18, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

A friend of mine was recently diagnosed as diabetic, and he was
telling me about it.

"I'm finding that this disease is nefarious," he said as I
watched him prick his finger. "It causes so many problems...I'm
so thankful that I don't have E.D."

"E.D?" I asked.

"Erectile dysfunction. And I will reiterate that I don't have

"Good for you," I said. "I don't know if I have it or not. In
order to know I'd have to be having sex."




Send me your comments and jokes: 
Submit a Comment 

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How about a little philosophy humor...

Proofs that p

Davidson's proof that p:
    Let us make the following bold conjecture: p

Wallace's proof that p:
    Davidson has made the following bold conjecture: p

    As I have asserted again and again in previous
publications, p.

    Some philosophers have argued that not-p, on the grounds
that q. It would be an interesting exercise to count all the
fallacies in this "argument". (It's really awful, isn't it?)
Therefore p.

    It would be nice to have a deductive argument that p from
self-evident premises. Unfortunately I am unable to provide
one. So I will have to rest content with the following
intuitive considerations in its support: p.

    Suppose it were the case that not-p. It would follow from
this that someone knows that q. But on my view, no one knows
anything whatsoever. Therefore p. (Unger believes that the
louder you say this argument, the more persuasive it becomes).

    I have seventeen arguments for the claim that p, and I
know of only four for the claim that not-p. Therefore p.

    Most people find the claim that not-p completely obvious
and when I assert p they give me an incredulous stare. But the
fact that they find not- p obvious is no argument that it is
true; and I do not know how to refute an incredulous stare.
Therefore, p.

    My argument for p is based on three premises:

       1. q
       2. r
       3. p 

From these, the claim that p deductively follows. Some people
may find the third premise controversial, but it is clear that
if we replaced that premise by any other reasonable premise,
the argument would go through just as well.

Sellars' proof that p:
    Unfortunately limitations of space prevent it from being
included here, but important parts of the proof can be found in
each of the articles in the attached bibliography.

    There are solutions to the field equations of general
relativity in which space-time has the structure of a four-
dimensional Klein bottle and in which there is no matter. In
each such space-time, the claim that not-p is false. Therefore p

    Zabludowski has insinuated that my thesis that p is false,
on the basis of alleged counterexamples. But these so-called
"counterexamples" depend on construing my thesis that p in a way
that it was obviously not intended -- for I intended my thesis
to have no counterexamples. Therefore p.

    Outline Of A Proof That P (1):
    Saul Kripke

    Some philosophers have argued that not-p. But none of them
seems to me to have made a convincing argument against the
intuitive view that this is not the case. Therefore, p.

    (1) This outline was prepared hastily -- at the editor's
insistence -- from a taped manuscript of a lecture. Since I was
not even given the opportunity to revise the first draft before
publication, I cannot be held responsible for any lacunae in
the (published version of the) argument, or for any fallacious
or garbled inferences resulting from faulty preparation of the
typescript. Also, the argument now seems to me to have problems
which I did not know when I wrote it, but which I can't discuss
here, and which are completely unrelated to any criticisms 
that have appeared in the literature (or that I have seen in
manuscript); all such criticisms misconstrue my argument. It
will be noted that the present version of the argument seems to
presuppose the (intuitionistically unacceptable) law of double
negation. But the argument can easily be reformulated in a way
that avoids employing such an inference rule. I hope to expand
on these matters further in a separate monograph.

Routley and Meyer:
    If (q & not-q) is true, then there is a model for p.
Therefore p.

    It is a model theorem that p -> p. Surely its possible
that p must be true. Thus p. But it is a model theorem
that p -> p. Therefore p.

    P-ness is self-presenting. Therefore, p.

    If not p, what? q maybe?

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Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various
things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful.
This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I
couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to
go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I
was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember
whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good
as it's always been, knock on wood." She raps the table, and
with a startled look on her face, she looks around and asks,
"Who's there?"

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new
bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood
barbershop to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi. How was a da treep?"

Luigi said, "Ever'thing was a perfect except for da train a
ride down."

"What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Centrala Station. My
beautifula Virginia had packed a biga basket a food with vino
and cigars for a me, and a we were looking a 'forward to da
trip. All was OK until we gotta hungry  and opened up a da
luncha basket.

"The conductor came by, wagged his a finger at us and a say,
'No eat in dese'a car. Must'a use'a dining car.'

"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia, we go to dining car, eat
a big'a lunch and begin to open'a bottle of vino. Conductor
come again, wag his'a finger and say, 'No drink'a in dese'a
car. Must'a use'a club'a car.'

"So we go to club'a car. While'a drinking vino, I start to
light'a my big'a cigar. The conductor, he wag'a his finger
again and say, 'No smoke'a in dese'a car. Must'a go to
smoker car.'

"We go to smoker car and I smoke'a my cigar. Later, my
beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car and'a go to
bed. We just about to have'a sex and the conductor, he come'a
through car yelling,  'NO-FOLK'A, VIRGINIA!'

"Next'a time, Ima driva down!"


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