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Publication: Classic Laffaday
I Have The Power

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       Classic Laff-a-Day - June 11, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

"TZ," Satan whispered as she closed my door. "While the boss and
I are gone we'd like you to keep an eye on the place. Don't
actually make any decisions because you're incapable, but just
be here from open to close, OK? Remember, we want you to
continue to do nothing, you don't even have to talk to anyone,
but we want you here."

So this morning at 9:30 the stiff who runs our IT department
called me. "Hi TZ, I'm sorry I'm not in yet. I must've turned
off my alarm instead of hitting snooze. I'll be in shortly."

"Don't bother," I said. "You've already been replaced."

"Yeah, by who?"

"My nephew."




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A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

"I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early
and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her
on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop,
the Wall of Fear -everything there was!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head
reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they
went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra
fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie - a nice Pipi Longstocking remake,
and hotdogs, popcorn, soda pop and candy. What a fabulous
adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed into bed.

He leaned  over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it
like being six again?"

She half opened one eye. "...I meant my dress size."

"Male sexual response is far brisker and more automatic. It is
triggered easily by things--like putting a quarter in a vending
     ---Dr. Alex Comfort

I've eaten dogs before; they enjoy it just as much as a beauty

A man and his wife are watching the boxing on TV. The husband
sighs and says, "Man, what a rip off!. It was all over in four

The wife replies, "Now you know how I feel."


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An old lady tottered into a lawyer's office and asked for 
help in arranging a divorce. "A divorce?" asked the unbelieving
lawyer. "Tell me, how old are you?"

"I'm eighty-four," answered the old lady.

"Eighty-four! And how old is your husband?"

"My husband is eighty-seven."

"My, my," said the lawyer, "and how long have you been married?"

"Next September will be sixty-two years."

"Married sixty-two years?! Why would you want a divorce now?"

"Because," the woman answered calmly, "enough is enough."


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