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       Classic Laff-a-Day - July 16, 2008
                    Laffaday.com 
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

I ordered and paid for one of those MP4 players we've been
selling a ton of. Normally I steal the stuff I want from here,
but this thing has been on "employee hold" because we kept
selling out of them. Anyway, it finally came in today and I got
some never-before-seen email notification that my order had
shipped. I contacted the head of our customer service
department because I thought our process was messed up, but
she assured me all was well.

"But I've never seen a notification like this before." I
protested.

"Of course you've never seen this notification before," she said.
"You only get notified when you buy something, and you never
buy anything--you always steal the stuff."

"What?" I acted insulted. "Well I never..."

"What you've 'never' done is pay for anything," she huffed. "I
can't believe you didn't know that we all know you are a cheap-
ass, petty thief. Why do you think you don't get raises as often
as the rest of us?"

"You guys get raises?"

"You bet."

"Damn. I better start stealing more stuff. Cancel my order."

Delusionally,

P.S. If you want to order one of these MP4s, or you just want to
check it out, here's the link for you to use. By the way, they have
been reduced from $69.99 to $39.99 because they sent us way more
than we ordered and they don't want to take them back.


iPod-Like 1GIG MP3/MP4 Player - $39.99

TZ 

mailto:tz@laffaday.com 

Send me your comments and jokes: 
Submit a Comment 


Is This One Of The Most Clever Items Or What?
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To see a picture or get more information on this truly clever
item, visit the site at:

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Dear Abby letters best left unanswered...

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know
he drank until one night he came home sober.

I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and
when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything
and said it would never happen again.

My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an
hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm
not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been
on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I
think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't
know him well enough to discuss money with him.

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker
in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere
together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment
or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?



My favorite Hollywood Squares question:

"According to experts, what are the two most difficult words
to say?"

Paul Lynde: "Grandma's dead."



"A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get
down in the dirt and beg for it." 
     ---Jack Handy



Q: What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? 

A: You can drop her off anywhere.



"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach
you to keep your mouth shut."
     ---Darius Denning



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Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
California? Oregon? Switzerland? Most believe it originated in
Switzerland, but here’s the real version.

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of
Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had
nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the
farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that
he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter came down from
upstairs and asked her father, "Who is that man going into
the barn?"

"That's some fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "He
needs a place to stay for the night, so I said he could sleep
in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared
him a plate of food and took it out to the barn.

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing
disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that
perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine,
took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an
hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly
and her hair all messed up. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and
continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.
When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone,
she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying
goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house
looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.
The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had
sex with my daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his
hand next to his mouth, and yelled out, "LAIDTHEOLADEETOO."


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F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit: 
 
Laffaday Book 

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END OF CLASSIC LAFF-A-DAY: 

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