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Can't Shake Those Romans

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       Classic Laff-a-Day - June 23, 2008
                    Laffaday.com 
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

How about a little trivia today? Things about the calendar I
bet you didn't know...

January: named after Janus, the god of doors and gates
February: named after Februalia, a time period when sacrifices
were made to atone for sins
March: named after Mars, the god of war
April: from aperire, Latin for "to open" (buds)
May: named after Maia, the goddess of growth of plants
June: from junius, Latin for the goddess Juno
July: named after Julius Caesar in 44 B.C.
August: named after Augustus Caesar in 8 B.C.
September: from septem, Latin for "seven"
October: from octo, Latin for "eight"
November: from novem, Latin for "nine"
December: from decem, Latin for "ten"

NOTE: The earliest Latin calendar was a 10-month one, beginning
with March; thus, September was the seventh month, October, the
eighth, etc. July was originally called Quintilis, meaning fifth;
August was originally called Sextilis, meaning sixth.

Interestingly,

TZ 

mailto:tz@laffaday.com 

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Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
     ---Abraham Lincoln



I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don't treat me
right, shame on you. 
Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong



"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're
going, because you might not get there."
     ---Yogi Berra



Remember this:

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to
subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.
After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that
the man was standing beside them, shouting to please come out
and give himself up.



I was talking to John, our chicken farming techno weenie, and
he started going on and on about a hump motel he and his wife
had stayed at.

"I tell ya, TZ," he said excitedly, "this place was coolo. It
had a Jacuzzi, a sex swing, hell it had a contraption that
we just couldn’t figure out what to do with--so I shoved it up
her ass."

"Really? Hmmph," I said.

"You gotta take your wife there."

"My wife? I’m not taking my wife. I’m thinking I’ll take your
wife."



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DEFINITIONS:

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you 
have gained.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after 
you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with 
Yiddish expressions.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat 
stomach.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your 
soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.


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