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       Classic Laff-a-Day - June 5, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

I have high ranking communist friends in the Peoples Republic of

One of them called me up the other day and said, "Ching tao tong
ping pow wong wing wang wow."

Which translates to :"We know how unhappy you are working for
that American dog eye company. How would you like to move to
China and command control of our FDA?"

I replied, "Zang wang wooki, siki saki sooki."

Which translates into, "Boy, I'm not sure I'm qualified."

In heavily accented English, my friend said, "Nonsense, PZ, you
just say 'yes' to all new drugs. If anyone dies from them, then
we deal with that stuff later."

"OK, Ming," I said, "I'm in!"




Send me your comments and jokes: 
Submit a Comment 

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Stuck in a strange city by bad weather, the drinker was bored.
He sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation,
turned to bartender and said, "Hey, about those Democrats in
the Congress . . "

"Stop -- I *don't* permit talk about politics in my bar!"
interrupted the bartender.

A few minutes later the gent tried again, "People say about
the Pope ... "

"No religion talk, either," the bartender cut in.

One more try to break the boredom..." I thought the
Yankees would..."

"No sports talk...That's how fights start in bars." the barman said.

"Look, how about sex. Can I talk to you about sex?"


"Good. Go fuck yourself."

A guy goes to visit a newly divorced friend. He says, "Why is
there a tampon on top of your TV?"

His friend says, "It’s there to remind me of the cunt who took
my VCR."

What's the definition of an impotent loser?
A guy who can't even get his hopes up.

Do you know why lesbians can't diet and wear make-up at
the same time?

They can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.


COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you
still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other
children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff
off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report
card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't
you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to
school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't
you do something about your hair? OY! Styling gel, mousse,

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing
money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented
the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to
go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

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The Redneck Sex Test

1. The clitoris is a type of flower. 
True or False 

2. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. 
True or False 

3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. 
True or False 

4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack. 
True or False 

5. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. 
True or False 

6. A G-string is part of a fiddle. 
True or False 

7. Semen is a term for sailors. 
True or False 

8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly. 
True or False 

9. Testicles are found on an Octopus. 
True or False 

10. Asphalt describes rectal problems. 
True or False 

11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. 
True or False 

12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. 
True or False 

13. Coitus is a musical instrument. 
True or False 

14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. 
True or False 

15. An umbilical chord is part of a parachute. 
True or False 

16. A condom is a large apartment complex. 
True or False 

17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.
True or False 

18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. 
True or False 

19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. 
True or False 

20. An erection is when Japanese people vote. 
True or False 

21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. 
True or False 

22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass. 
True or False 

23. Pornography is the business of making records. 
True or False 

24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. 
True or False 

25. Douche is the French word for "twelve". 
True or False


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