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An Apple A Day

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       Classic Laff-a-Day - June 6, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

A guy with health issues was telling a few people a story about
his new doctor.

"I'm in the little room waiting when in walks this guy who's at
least 400 pounds," he said. "I guess he's used to people asking
him if he's the doctor because before I got it out he said,
'Yes, I'm the doctor.'

"He proceeded to examine me and told me that gallbladder
surgery was not a big deal anymore but that it would probably
take about 5 hours.

"'5 hours? Why?' I asked.

'Because,' he said. 'I take a lot of Twinkie breaks.'"




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PET BLINKERS... The Pet Safety Light
Protect Yourself & Your Pet!

Store Price: $7.99 
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Pet Blinkers give you the added security and peace of mind 
knowing you and your pet(s) are visible at night. Whether 
you’re going for a jog with your pet or if you just want 
extra attention, attach the Pet Blinker to your pet's collar 
and be seen a half-mile away. These eye-catching LEDs 
accessorize any pet. Requires three AG3 lithium cell 
batteries (included).

PET BLINKERS... The Pet Safety Light

When his son refused to get a job, his father insisted
he join the Army. At the induction physical, the Army
doctor directed the reluctant recruit to read the eye
chart across the room. "What chart?" the young man

"The one on the wall! "The doctor said.

"What wall?"

Sensing he had a deadbeat on his hands, the doctor
asked his beautiful nurse to walk in naked. "What do
you see now?"


"Well, you may not see anything," the doctor said,"
but your indicator is pointing toward Ft. Jackson!.
Welcome to the Army son."

Kentucky Freud Chicken. It's mother fucking good.

From BMW Headquarters

It has come to our attention that when we
receive orders for parts or enquiries from
those of you in the Midwest, especially
Yoopers, there is a lack
of knowledge about the appropriate
terminology. Please find below a brief
glossary of terms which will make
international communication much easier for
all involved.

*INDICATORS = Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
*SPEEDOMETER = Der Egobooster
*PUNCTURE = Die Phlatte mit Bludyfucken
*LEARNER = Die Dumdkopf mit Elplatt
*ESTATE CAR = Die Bagsromm fur Shagginkinauto
*WINDSCREEN WIPER = Die Flippenflappenschittenspredden
*FOOTBRAKE = Der Edbangenonvindskreen Stoppenquik
*BREATHALYSER = Die Puffintem fur Pistenarsen
*SEATBELT = Der Klunkenklicken Frauleintrapper
*HEADLIGHTS = Das Dippendontdazzle Ubastud
*FOG WARNING = Die Puttenfutdownen Fukit
*HIGHWAY CODE = Der Wipen fur Arsen
*TYRES = Phlattfarts
*TRAFFIC JAM = Der Bluddinfukkin Damnundblasten
*BACKFIRE = Der Lowdenbangen Mekkenme Fuckenjumpen
*JUGGERNAUT = Der Fukkengret Trucken
*ACCIDENT = Der Bleedinmess
*NEAR ACCIDENT = Der Fucken Neer Shittenselfen
*CYCLIST = Pedalpushen Ninckenpoopen
*REAR VIEW MIRROR = Der Yokkhunter Tooklosen

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Hmmm...Fishing or Fucking....

#19 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish.

#18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines. 

#17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish
with you once in a while.

#16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against Fishing.

#15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you
Fishing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the
Internet if you become famous. 

#14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you
fished with long ago.

#13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

#12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have
to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together. 

#11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she
won't object if you Fish with someone else. 

#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you
Fish by yourself.

#9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to 
wonder if they are really an undercover cop. 

#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighbor-
hood to buy Fishing stuff. 

#7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, 
tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you
without getting sued for Fishing harassment. 

#6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

#5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have
to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

#4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the
rest of your life. 

#3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner
loses interest in it.

#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation
primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.

#1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just 
Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about? 


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