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       Classic Laff-a-Day - June 12, 2008
                    Laffaday.com 
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

I took my wife to see a movie this weekend and the bubble gum
chewing kid at the window said, "That's sold out."

I was shocked. "How could that movie possibly be sold out?"

"Just is," said the kid.

I began looking at the list of movies trying to find anything
else that was about to start. I was so in the mood for a movie
I would have watched an hour-and-a-half of steam coming off
a log of polar bear shit. But nothing else was scheduled to
start for at least an hour.

In a last ditch effort to see the movie before it disappeared,
I said, "Are you sure it’s sold out?"

"Hey, Man," said the bubble gum chewing dude, "the computer
don’t lie."

"Oh yes it does," I said. "Online--I’m an eighteen year-old
lesbian."

Blockbusteringly,

TZ 

mailto:tz@laffaday.com 

Send me your comments and jokes: 
Submit a Comment 


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Think you're a genius? Take the below quiz. Passing requires
4 correct answers.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat-gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what
   animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?


All done, genius? Check your answers below.


1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October revolution?
   November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what
   animal?  Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert.
8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson.
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand.


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Mouth, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the
outlet of the heart.
     ---Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary



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Free Spirit..........Banging your sister 
Good looking........ Arrogant 
Very good looking... Dumb as a board 
Honest.............. Pathological Liar 
Likes to cuddle..... Insecure mama's boy 
Mature.............. Older than your father 
Physically fit...... Does a lot of 12-ounce curls 
Very sensitive...... Gay 
Spiritual........... Got laid in a cemetery once 
Thoughtful.......... Says "Excuse me" when he farts



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Handy Dictionary to Decipher Personal Ads 
 
WOMEN'S ADS 

40-ish.............. 49 
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Athletic.............No chest 
Average looking......Has a face like a basset hound 
Beautiful........... Pathological liar 
Contagious Smile.... Does a lot of Ecstasy 
Educated............ Banged her Poly-sci professor 
Emotionally Secure.. Medicated 
Feminist............ Fat ball-buster 
Free spirit......... Junkie 
Friendship first.....slut 
Fun..................Annoying 
Gentle...............Comatose 
Good Listener........Borderline Autistic 
New-Age..............It's a mess down there 
Old-fashioned....... Lights out, no BJs 
Open-minded..........Desperate 
Outgoing.............Loud and Embarrassing 
Passionate...........Sloppy drunk 
Poet.................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional.........Certified Bitch 
Redhead..............Bad dye-job 
Reubenesque..........Grossly Fat 
Wants Soulmate...... Stalker


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            *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ *** 

It's Available. The Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's 
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit: 
 
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END OF CLASSIC LAFF-A-DAY: 

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