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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Woman seeks single white criminal

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CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, April 3, 2007
"A wild journey into the history of the most
bizarre stories EVER."


Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I was disappointed to see that Jackass: The Movie ranked
number one at the box office over the weekend with
$22,700,000 in gross revenue. Since some readers might
not know what this is I will give you a brief description.

The movie is a feature-length version of the MTV show by
the same name which revolves around people doing stupid
and frequently dangerous stunts.

Some examples include:

* The Port-a-potty cocktail where a man climbs inside a
port-a-potty and a garbage truck picks the entire unit
up and turns it upside down.

* Urban kayaking where several participants try to ride a
kayak down long flights of concrete steps outside of public

* Or the fifty egg challenge where participants try to dup-
licate the stunt from the movie Cool Hand Luke and eat fifty
eggs, usually resulting in a messy end to the challenge.

I don't mind interjecting a personal note by saying that
this is the stupidest thing I have ever seen, and the
simple fact that this movie pulled in over $22 million in
its first weekend is a telling commentary on the precipitous
decline of popular culture.

What do you think? Head over to www.bizarrenews.com and let
me know if there is anything worse than Jackass: The Movie.



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum


--------- There's More Than One Way To Cook a Dog ----------

SPRINGFIELD, Illinois - No, the Illinois man did not mistake
the petite pooch for a bag of popcorn. Everette S. Howze delib-
erately threw his girlfriend's dog in the microwave in an act
of violent jealousy. Because of the amount of attention given
to the dog by his girlfriend, the 41-year-old Howze decided to
take matters into his own hands and fry the poor pup in the
microwave. Police are holding Howze on a charge of animal abuse-
aggravated cruelty. Had the canine been a German Shepherd, he
might have had to use the conventional oven.

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--------- Pot-Luck Dinner Leaves Dopes Out To Dry ----------

Rudy Raines and William King were arrested on possession of
marijuana charges after they decided to dry their pot in a
convenience store microwave. Apparently they weren't alarmed
or threatened by the presence of officer David Ashley, who
Raines actually spoke with upon entering the store. He then
went about drying his weed in the microwave, filling the
store with the distinct aroma of burning pot. When Ashley
approached Raines he saw he had a large bag of marijuana
and Raines admitted he was trying to dry it out. Ashley
then went to the car and found King passed out with another
sack of marijuana laying out in plain view. Rains told Ashely
he and King were on their way to a drug rehabilitation clinic.
It's not clear whether they are patients, or were meeting with
other people to sell or share the pot.

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----- Single White Female Seeks Single White Criminal ------

A German policewoman caught a wanted criminal, whose crimes
could add up to three years behind bars, by going on a date
with him. She found the 29-year-old man's cellular phone
number, called and began flirting with him. The conversation
ended in a scheduled date at a local bar. The criminal not
only fell for the act, but showed up dressed to impress. At
the end of the date the policewoman arrested the man. She was
surrounded by other officers who had been posing as civilians.
A police spokesman could not confirm whether there had been
mutual attraction. He said: "In any case, it was all purely

GopherCentral's Question of the Week

Do you believe the British Navy was in Iranian
waters when captured?

Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

$250.00 to staple your penis to a cross and light it on fire?
Geee...I thought you guys placed a higher value on that body
part. --Christina
[I guess that depends on how bad you need the 250.]

Lewis! When I lived in Atlanta twelve years ago there were
a few of those "Rub-a-dub-pub"s... Great places to hang out
and get loaded while you do a few loads! Besides, if your
friends know you went to one of these places, they're less
likely to be suprised when you tell them that you lost your
panties at the bar the night before... Natalie
[And this happens to you frequently enough to be a concern?
I think you need to share a couple stories with us.]

Hi! Todays "fact" that humans are the only animals that cop-
ulate face to face is untrue. A species of our cousins, the
apes, called Bonobo (or the "pigmy chimpanzee") also practice
this form of intimacy. And of course the obvious... that not
all humans do it face to face! Keep up the good work.
[Of course! How could I forget about the pigmy chimpanzee!]

i absolutely love your newsletter. sometimes i copy and paste
some things to mail to some of my friends....but this time i
did do like you asked, and forwarded it to about 6 or 7 people
who i felt would like to suscribe. i think this issue was a
great issue to pass on to have my friends. keep up the good
work...and i'm glad that you do it now everyday. --KC
[KC gets a slap on the ass and a 'nice hustle.' Just don't
tell Mrs. Lewis about the slap on the ass.]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
**--- BIZARRE PHOTO ---**
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Archive link: Classic Bizarre Archives




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