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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Wedding weekend.

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CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, March 16, 2007
"A wild journey into the history of the most
bizarre stories EVER."


Greetings fellow Bizarros:

What a weekend! Whenever I try to fit all of my errands and
projects into the weekend I always end up running around
like an idiot and I never seem to get everything done.
However, I did make it to the wedding on Friday.

It was actually a very nice ceremony. You can work with a
person every day, but put them in a wedding dress and
suddenly it's like you have never seen them before in your
life. And I'm talking about Nancy, not TZ.

Speaking of that layabout, even though he left the office at
11:30 a.m. he still managed to show up late at the service.
I saw him sneaking into the back row just as they were get-
ting around to the "I dos."

He made it to the reception on time, though. We were seated
at the same table for dinner, which probably wasn't such a
good idea in retrospect. TZ has such an...odd sense of humor
(although warped might be a better word) that whenever we're
together he drags me right into the gutter with him.

During the garter removing ceremony, as the groom was reaching
under the bride's dress to remove her garter, I commented to
TZ (maybe a little too loudly), "He's found the promised land!"

Without missing a beat he responded, "Are you kidding? More
men have been delivered into that land than Jerusalem."

Unknown to us, one of the other guests at the table was an
uncle of the bride. We had a tough time explaining that one!
If it weren't for the fact that Marzee and Lizzy both inter-
vened for us we would have been bounced for sure. I don't
know if my wife would have ever forgiven me for that!

But all's well that ends well, so let's get on with the bizarre.



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum


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------------- Hockey Streaker Knocked Out Cold -------------

CALGARY, Canada - Like most major sporting event streakers,
a hockey fan in Calgary was unable to slip past security. How-
ever, he did manage to slip on the ice and knock himself un-
conscious. Wearing nothing but a pair of red socks, he slipped
when his feet touched the ice and subsequently cracked his head
on the ice. He was removed on a stretcher to a loud ovation
from the crowd of 15,000. Not only was his crash embarrassing,
but the man was naked and it was very cold.

---------------- The Ugly Have Feelings Too ----------------

Norway - One Norwegian man has had enough of all the beautiful
people he sees portrayed in the media. Trond Andresen of the
Norwegian Institute of Technology claims the media is discrim-
inating against ugly people. Reports from the Bergens Tidende
quote Andresen as saying that "Ugly people should be spot-
lighted in the same way that the media wishes to emphasize
persons from ethnic minorities." Andresen's sentiments are
supported by Wencke Muhleisen at the Centre for Women and
Gender Research who says that the media should be giving ugly
people more exposure. Unfortunately, no ugly people were avail-
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------------------- This Is For The Birds -------------------

Businessmen in Britain are paying to lie on a couch for half
an hour and pour their hears out to a parrot named Jessie.
Despite the fact that Jessie doesn't talk, those who have
tried it claim it helps enormously. The pet's owner, hypno-
therapist Raymond Roberts, said that by talking to the parrot,
your blood pressure lowers resulting in a general feel good
factor. Roberts first used budgies and then cockatiels before
realizing Jessie worked the best. The sessions have now taken
off - and Raymond is planning to take on more birds.

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

So, you're one of those @$$holes who think they should stink
up someone else's reception by endlessly smoking cigars? Has
it ever occurred to you that people don't want to walk around
smelling like a cigar? Oh, I'm sure you couldn't give a rat's
ass about anybody but yourself. Keep the cigar smoking where
it belongs. --Mary
[Cigars can be offensive to non-smokers...but that's why God
invented bars. I wouldn't smoke at the table while people are

I noticed that you had a comment that was just like something
I would say about Habitat. And it was signed Myra. But it's
not me. I can only conclude I am not the only Myra and we
share similar opinions as far as Bizarre News and President
Carter. Now that's Bizarre. --Myra
[Maybe you have multiple personalities.]

woohoo! I just received my Bizarre News coffee mug and I think
it's GREAT especially with Queetzal's pic on it. Now for sure
I'll be the envy of everyone in my trailer park! --Karen
[I'm glad you like it, Karen. As a side note, I created that
design myself. If you would like to see what Karen is talking
about juck click the link below...]
Queetzal Mug!

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
**--- BIZARRE PHOTO ---**
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Archive link: Classic Bizarre Archives


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