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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Guilty on account of stupidity.

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   <<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>

CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, March 30, 2007
"A wild journey into the history of the most
bizarre stories EVER."

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

America is waiting to see if it can breathe easy again as
reports from the east coast declare that two men have been
captured in connection to the terrifying sniper case.

Authorities found John Allen Muhammad and his supposed step-
son, Lee Malvo, asleep in the vehicle that has been assumed
as the place from where shots were fired. Law enforcement
sources said that the car had been modified to make it easy
for a person to shoot from the car without being detected.
The back seat could be lowered and the trunk opened for a
clear shot from the back of the car.

The main piece of evidence was found in the form of a .223-
caliber rifle; the same caliber bullets were found in the
victims of the assaults.

Maybe we have the "Son of Sam" to thank for all this. After
all, his passionate and thoughtful sentiments may have been
just what the doctor ordered to communicate with the psychotic
individual(s) responsible for the attacks.

And if you think getting caught while you're asleep is stupid,
check out this new book by my good friend Leland Gregory en-
titled, "The Stupid Crook Book." Look for a sample in this
issue or on his web page at www.realwacky.com.



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum

Celebrate 50 Years of Playboy Playmates on Two DVD

From Marilyn Monroe to Jayne Mansfield, Pamela Anderson to
Jenny McCarthy this 2-Disc Collector's Edition DVD set will
give you the best of the beautiful women that have graced
Playboy Magazine through the past half century. And not only
will you see some of the hottest Playmates, this DVD also
includes interviews with Hugh Hefner, Drew Carey, Kelsey
Grammer and many many more. Order your set now for
50 Years of Playmates DVD

-------------- Guilty On Account Of Stupidity ---------------

A man convicted of robbery asked the Texas Court of Appeals
to overrule his guilty verdict on the basis of a self-incrim-
inating answer given at his trial. During a break in the trail
there was concern that the suspect had fraternized with some
witnesses, who were to take the stand against him. The judge
asked the suspect to tell him exactly which witnesses he had
contacted and the man answered, "The ones that I robbed."

[Thanks to Leland Gregory's "The Stupid Crook Book" available
on www.RealWacky.com ]

----- Furnished Room For Rent: Toilet, Bed, Scorpions ------

Kanchana Ketkaew, 30, of Thailand, is the Guinness Book of
World Records' new "Scorpion Queen" after she endured 32
days - two days longer than the previous record holder - in
a glass room with 3,000 live scorpions. Ketkaew, who has im-
munity to the scorpion venom after performing with them at a
snake farm tourist attraction, suffered more than 10 searing
stings. More than 400 scorpions were added to replace those
that were killed. According to Ketkaew, the worst part is the
smell of the live scorpion's waste. She also said that over
500 baby scorpions were born and that all the scorpions go
into a frenzy late at night.

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------------------- Where Do I Sign Up? --------------------

LONDON - One hundred to 150 students are being recruited to
test condoms - and get paid for it. Students will rate the
pleasure, comfort and performance qualities of a range of
condoms from German manufacturer Condomi. Successful appli-
cants will be paid 100 pounds per academic term. Would-be
testers will be asked to fill in an application available
online. Among the voluntary questions asked of candidates
will be: how many partners they have had, how often they
have sex and how long it lasts, with the option to click
various boxes marked from "under one minute" to one marked
"1.5-two hours."

GopherCentral's Question of the Week

Do you believe the British Navy was in Iranian
waters when captured?

Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:


Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hi Lewis, Of course they sell more frisbees every year than
footballs, basketballs and baseballs. It's impossible to
clean pot on a football, for godsakes! --Tammi
[No - but you can use the football like a rolling-pin to
separate the twigs from the...hey!]

There is a new study out about women. I thought these results
were pretty interesting. 85% of women think their ass is too
big.. 10% of women think their ass is too little... The other
5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have
married him anyway.

Lewis, if you were at my Wedding Reception and said what you
did at Nancy's Wedding Reception I would take a baseball
bat to your head. --Shirlene
[I didn't think there was any family at the table!]

What do we burn apart from witches? MORE WITCHES!
[Thanks to the 500 people who sent in this response. You are
all electric donkey bottom-biters.]

Ha! I thought I was the only one who was sick enough to know
Ron Jeremy! I need help! Doin' a great job...happy bunnies
are falling out your ass...etc...! -Cass
[I didn't think anybody knew about my happy bunny problem.]

Hey Lewis: I hear they are suing the cigarette companies for
causing people to get cancer, and now someone is suing the
fast food goliaths for making them fat, so what I want to
know is -- Can I sue Budweiser for all the ugly women I have
slept with?" --Paul
[Only if you can demonstrate personal detriment.]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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Archive link: Classic Bizarre Archives


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