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            UP YOURS! - Saturday, August 12, 2006

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Comment The Post Below...

Dear Mindless Urchins, 

In the last few weeks I've taken some tangents in the form 
of content that have not been aimed directly at my readers. 
And since you little psychos have not been the center of 
attention I have begun receiving comments like this one: 

  "...who really wrote the last issue of Up Yours? Couldn't 
  have been you. Not nasty enough by half. If you'd stop 
  swapping spits with TZ in the men's room, your chances 
  of not catching one of his never-ending maladies would
  improve. Here's hoping that you're back to your old 
  self next week...or just back." 

Who the fuck else do you think would write this column? 
There's not another rat-assed nimrod in the entire company 
who would put up with the weasels, cry-babies and whiners 
subscribed to this list. 

Are your precious egos not equivalent to the task of thinking 
about anything other than yourselves for five minutes each 
week? Is that what it is? Well, let me tell you something 
about egos, my hairless little monkeys, it's all a delusion. 
The most amazing thing about an ego is that no matter how 
much truth one dumps on that self-serving pilot light, it 
will continue to flicker, keeping the lie of your self-worth 

The truth of the matter is that you're all worthless and 
weak. Every single one of you is a number, a statistic, a 
random accident that is completely expendable and completely 
replaceable. Not one of you is worth more than a few bucks 
of household chemicals. Have you ever thought of yourself as 
an animate bag of saltwater? There's a realistic self image. 

I read an interesting datum once. It said that if go without 
washing for just a couple of days, your body will be host to 
so many microscopic parasites that if YOU were removed the 
parasites would form an invisible mold of your body, complete 
in every detail right down to your eyelashes. That mold would 
still have more charisma and personality than you. 

So before I hear any more of this, "Oh, I haven't heard any 
good insults lately, you must be getting it from the 
neighbor's dog," just remember that the world doesn't revolve 
around you. You are an idiot. A collection is diseases and 
parasites that runs around pretending to be a master of the 

So stop your complaining. If you have anything resembling a 
cogent thought, by all means, send it in. We'll discuss it. 
But I do not want to hear of bunch of sissies complaining 
about how their being ignored. What a collection of stiffs. 
It makes me cringe to think I'm in the same phylum as some 
of chimpanzees who have written in lately. At least try not 
to make fools of yourselves. That's all I'm asking. I look 
forward to being disappointed.

I need a drink, 


P.S. If you're interested we now have a blog. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Up Yours! Blog



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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Re Britney. Retard or on drugs - do we have to choose?  Any-
way, to paraphrase: If it looks like trailer trash, and it 
sounds like trailer trash, then it is trailer trash. I don't 
think I could lower myself to screw that brain dead bimbo.
[Want to stick with your brain dead sister, is that it? Fair 
enough. Personally, I like to slum it every now and then.]

I saw the Brittney Spears video the other day. Damn, that 
chick is fucked up..... and her hillbilly accent REALLY 
comes out. You know what they say - you can take the bitch 
out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer 
park out of the bitch. --Dave

Hey Spunkwick, you sure seem to reply to readers about 
wanting to do their moms alot... so I guess that would make 
you a Mother Fucker correct? --Pantybater
[Well...it would make me YOUR mother fucker, yes.]

Dear Mr. Chadwick, You brightened up my day for me. Thanks. 
Can I get a picture of you to see what you look like? If 
not that's okay too. --Misty
[Picture a thick, viril growth of chestnut brown pubic hair, 
and a little treasure trail leading up to a dimple of a navel. 
That's probably as much of me as you'd be seeing anyway.]

Dear Chadwick - I think that you are an obsessive compulsive, 
neaurotic, cum sucking, son of a bitch who gets off by trying 
to make others feel bad. Next time you try to offend somebody 
with your cheap, hand be down remarks, write to somebody like 
me, whos not such a goddamn pussy to stand up to you, and not 
another mindless drone who thanks you because they think that 
will put you on their side. Later Pussy, Ashley
[Sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the kennel 
this morning.]

Chad, For some ungodly reason I haven't been getting your 
newsletter lately. At first I took it as a blessing but then 
I actually started missing your little dick. Anyway glad to 
see your smart ass comments back in my inbox. --Penny
[I know your life has been exceptionally pathetic without 
me. You can relax now that I'm here to tell you what to think 

Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it 
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick

To see more issues visit: Up Yours! Archives
More FREE Fun and Amusement via email! www.gophercentral.com 

End of UP YOURS! 
Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved. 

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