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Publication: Up Yours!
A homo by any other name.

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            UP YOURS! - Saturday, November 25, 2006
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        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Dear Uberhomos,   

I read an article the other day which described a new trend   
in American male lifestyles. They're called ubersexuals. To   
paraphrase from the article, after dominating US style and   
fashion for several years, the metrosexual idea of the modern   
male as someone who cared about fashion and skin care as   
much as a woman did is about to be swept aside by a return   
to old-fashioned, masculine values: fine wines, cigars and   
red-blooded heterosexuality.   

My question is, who the fuck are these people and what the   
fuck are they talking about? I've read about this metrosexual   
thing before, and really didn't understand all of the hoopla   
over a bunch of homos running around, going to day spas and   
eating sushi. Dress them up anyway you want to but they're   
still cock commandoes.   

But now the idiots who write tripe like this are talking   
about ubersexuals? Some frustrated hausfrau named Marian   
Salzman wrote in her book, The Future of Men, "Ubersexuals   
are confident, masculine and stylish, and committed to un-   
compromising quality in all areas of life."   

Some ubersexual examples cited are, George Clooney, Donald   
Trump, Pierce Brosnan and Bill Clinton.   

Ubersexuals my ass. I'll tell you who these morons are...   
George Clooney (vacuous camera whore), Donald Trump (bankrupt   
megalomaniac), Pierce Brosnan (God-damned limey homo) and   
Bill Clinton (philanderer and plumper-humper). Well, can't   
judge him too harshly for that second one.   

Tell me again, Mz. Marian Slutzman, why are we supposed to   
emulate these social rejects? Because they have money to   
throw away on really expensive booze, whoring and divorces?   
Hardly admirable qualities, if you ask me.   

The truth of the matter is that most men don't have time for   
this caliber of stupidity. We have jobs to go to, money to   
earn, mortgages to pay and families to support. Sure, we all   
like to spring for a descent bottle of wine and a good meal   
every now and again, but running around and blowing money   
just to look like some man's man is not something most of us   
have time for.   

Besides, chicks dig slobs. If they didn't then you assholes   
wouldn't be breeding like rats.

I need a drink, 

Chadwick

P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Up Yours! Forum


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><><><><><> CHADWICK'S FAVORITE HISTORICAL INSULTS <><><><><>

"It is not he who gives abuse that affronts, but the view   
that we take of it as insulting; so that when one provokes   
you it is your own opinion which is provoking."   

 --Epictetus (some God-damed Greek pederast)

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>


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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Dear Chadwick; Did you notice that Tom and Katie look a lot 
alike?  It kind of gives me the creeps. --Nancy
[You know, I always thought Katie Holms was kind of fuckable, 
but you just ruined that fantasy for me. Thanks a lot, 
douchebag.]


Chadwick: Here is a cognizant thought for you. Their is not   
the possessive of they. That would be "they're". --Ed   
[Here's a thought for you...why don't you stick your hand   
up your ass and squeeze your fucking brains, you little   
prick.]


Chadwick, To hell with the Scientologists. They're a bunch of 
mental hairballs who probably never get laid. I say we should 
start a religion that teaches women that they can acheive 
salvation through submissive sex, especially giving really 
killer head. We could call it the "First Church of the Divine 
Inseminators". I think it would give a new meaning to "holy".
 --David
[I really don't understand a word of this email.]


HaHa! We're all idiots, true. But you're the schmuck who has   
to cater to our every whim. Dance monkey, DANCE! --Laura   
[Whatever keeps your little world spining, baby.]


do you really get all those reader comments or do you make   
them up yourself? --Don   
[Yeah, I sit around all day pretending to be a bunch of   
fucking losers. You pegged me, Archimedes.]


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Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it 
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick
************************************************************

To see more issues like this visit: Up Yours! Archives
More FREE Fun and Amusement via email! www.gophercentral.com 

____________________________________________________________ 
End of UP YOURS! 
Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved. 

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WHERE'S CHADWICK??!
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