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Publication: Up Yours!
A little early Christmas cheer.

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            UP YOURS! - Saturday, December 9, 2006
Hundreds of hilarious, bizarre and outrageous video clips at: 

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Dear Shit-heads, 

I've got something for you. Since it's been as cold as your 
momma's titty the last week I thought I might as well try 
to get you into the holiday spirit. Following is a half-way 
clever list someone sent me recently and I think it's just 
juvenile enough to keep your simple minds amused. 

Dear Santa, 
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud 
boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. 
How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read 
and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At 
least HE can spell!

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask 
for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like 
for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what 
you can do.

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door 
in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come 
back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly?
It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice 
Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with 

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, 
a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left 
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my 
face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Two words, Jim Beam.

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy 
making toys?
Your friend,

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. 
Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. 
I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making 
low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself s illy 
and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing 
money at the craps table.

Tell your mom she got the part.

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when 
we're awake, like in the song?

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. 
I'm skipping your house.

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please, please, 
please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that 
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater 

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into 
our home? 

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're 
getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in 
a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. 
Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, 
through your bedroom window. 

Sweet Dreams,

I need a drink, 


P.S. By the way, if you're looking for some really unusual 
video you might want to check out our new partner, 
timekiller.com  linked right below this. They have some 
funny, gross and bizarre clips if you're into that kind of 
thing. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Visit TimeKiller


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"I have found little that is good about human beings. In my 
experience most of them are trash." 
 --Sigmund Frued (1856-1939)


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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Go ahead and deny it all you want, but every swingin' dick 
that reads this newsletter knows that $40 a month on porn 
is low-balling it... BIG TIME! hahaaaa... But I'm sure you 
did that just to see if anyone would call you on it. Right?
[Got me. That's what I have high-speed, digital Internet.]

Your emails make me wanna fuck a donkey. --Tyler

Chadwick I had to write you and tell you thank you for the 
advice on lowering my debt. I am really deep in debt, after 
reading your advice and then scrolling down and seeing you 
selling fucking talking lip radio's, I just bought 6 of 
them you asswipe mother fucker. Signed even deeper in debt, 
[Hey, buddy, some of us have to be at the top of the food 
chain and some of us have to be at the bottom. Don't com-
plain to me about your lot in life.]

I'm gonna kill you if you don't do more than post shit for 
me to buy, monkey fucker. --Meghan
[What makes you think you're a monkey, Meghan?]

Chad, I work in collections for a credit card company. How 
I would love to be able to tell the dumb asses to go sell 
a kidney or pickup a part-time job at McDonald's.  Sorry, 
I forgot all the jobs at McDonald's is taken by wetbacks. 
It is amazing the shit people put on their cards.  One 
idiot maxed out a $3000 credit line in two months eating 
junk food. Another dimwit handed his $5000 card to a 
stripper he met so she could help her family.  He believed 
that was what she did until I started reading him the 
charges she put on the card.  She maxed it out in about a 
week. If they had common sense they wouldn't be in need of 
a budget. --John
[Fuck, if you can't trust a stripper who can you trust?]

Chadwick: Anyone that wastes their time reading the drivel 
you put out is a complete idiot. --Komo, a faithful subscriber
[Apparently complete idiots are my career.]

Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it 
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick

ARCHIVES: Up Yours! Archives
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End of UP YOURS! 
Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved. 

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