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Publication: Up Yours!
I got your new year right here.

Subscribe FREE to Up Yours! by clicking here.

            UP YOURS! - Saturday, December 30, 2006
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        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Slugs,   

Congratulations, you're all another year closer to death.   
I hope you all get a belly full of boozing and whoring   
tomorrow night because whether you realize it or not you 
are all accelerating down that slippery slope that leads   
inevitably and inexorably toward a cold, cold grave. An   
eternal oblivion whose only function is the slow decompo-   
sition of what was once a disgusting, useless bag of meat.   

Happy new year.   

Hey, why stop now? What else have you got to live for?   
There must be some sort of booze or drugs laying around   
the flop house you're squatting in. Crack open a luke-   
warm one and spark up. It's the only thing you have going   
in your wretched lives.   

Trust me, mutants, they say when you hit rock bottom   
there's no place to go but up, and that would be true   
if it weren't for the lead weights of ignorance, stupidity,   
apathy and plain and simple bad breeding which are hanging   
around your necks dragging you down into the hole of   
failure which will eventually turn into your grave.   

Do I sound cruel? Are you thinking, "Hey, isn't this crap   
column supposed to be funny or something?"   

Well, this is funny. If you're thinking to yourself, "There   
goes that asshole, Chadwick, on another rant," there might   
be a dim spark of hope for your future. But if any of this   
is making sense to you then congratulations! Your life is   
pretty much over.

I need a drink, 


P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Up Yours! Forum


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"Once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes 
to think little of robbing; and from robbing, he comes next 
to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility 
and procrastination."  --Thomas De Quincey

[And eventually to masturbation...I'm sure.]


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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hey Wicky! I know I've treated you like shit throughout the 
year, NO, no, I did, I'll admit it, I did, I did. Well, 
it's the holiday's and I want to apologize. I'm apologizing 
because I've ridiculed you, made fun of you and your gay 
pals circle jerkin', I made you to deep troat my cock with-
out giving you air for 10 minutes, claimed to be your dad 
(though i am, i'll still go along with your wishes, son), 
teased you for masturbating to National Geo., making your 
mom climb in the window and not the front door, YES, that 
was WAY wrong but hey, I'm apologizing, right? C'mon, gimme 
a break! Look, at least I'm not mentioning the things you 
got embarassed about...like that one time I made fun of how 
you looked in that gimp suit, remember? Yeah you do because 
you got mad at me for rubbing the gag-ball in my ass crack 
before I gave it to you! I have to tell you, I'm sorry! 
Will ya forgive me, C-Dub, cuz we's pautna's, right? --Mark
[Fuck, you must have spent all week thinking this shit up. 
What's wrong, pindick? Did your girlfriend deflate on you? 
Is that where you're getting all the free time?]

Chadwick, You have no idea how much I enjoy getting your 
ezines. You are such a great American & my hero, with your 
views & ideas. I for one agree with you on fuck the commies, 
queers, but not the lezbos though, especially the ones that 
like to have a yule tide log as well... Keep up the good 
work, you are GREAT! --Mike
[What's with all the homos writing in? Aren't there any more 
bitches on the list?]

Chadwick, I want to fuck your brains out.  Do with me what 
you want. Love always --Sheri
[That's more like it. Listen, if you think this kind of 
cheap pandering is going to get your stupid shit published 
in Up Yours! you're absolutely right. Send naked pic.]

sarah silverman shines up nice in photos...but she looks 
naturally very hairy....must shave everything daily... 

Your 'Up Yours' letter is so fucking funny! I sent some of 
the stuff you wrote to one of my friends and he said to me, 
"That is some funny shit." I swaer to god. you gotta start 
sending this e-mail daily motherfucker.  
  --Your biggest fucking fan, David W
[I'll tell you what, fuck-muscle, if the 40,000 subscribers 
to this newsletter can generate more than one fucking sale 
a month, maybe I can renegotiate my contract and get paid to 
publish more than once a week. So get that check book out, 

What is wrong with you? Even Christmas isn't safe from your 
sick, demented twisted little mind. I have a therapist 
close by if you need one. Come on Chadwick, make the move 
and  take the risk. You fucking sicko. --Ash
[Why? Just because I hate Christmas and get off on hairy, 
fat chicks? Sheesh!]

Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it 
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick

To see more issues visit: Up Yours! Archives
More FREE Fun and Amusement via email! www.gophercentral.com 

End of UP YOURS! 
Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved. 

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