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Publication: Up Yours!
A gimp by any other name.

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            UP YOURS! - Saturday, January 27, 2007
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Dear Mental Midgets, 

Another one of the nameless unwashed has an opinion nobody 
gives a shit about. But since this is mostly written in 
complete sentences it's good enough for me. I have an ap-
pointment with my "massage therapist" in a half hour. 

Hey Chadwick!

I've really just about had with the shakey's, cripples, 
gimps, and just plain fat people with handicap license 
plates.  I mean, how many fucking handicap parking spaces 
are required at a Home Depot!?  When was the last time 
that Christopher Reeve and Stephen Hawking went to the 
local home improvement center for that Saturday afternoon 
project?  But when I go there, I have to park beyond the 
football field of empty handicap spaces just because I 
know how to pass a Taco Bell without stopping for a 

As I'm sure that your readers, or some member of their im-
mediate family, have some sort of condition that warrants 
handicap plates I think it's time someone tells them what 
a drain on society they really are.  We should be treating 
these Oprah watching, medical care wasting, jobless, couch 
rocks like the cretins they are.  We need to encourage 
them to stay home and out of our way.  By having handicap 
parking spots everywhere we're only encouraging them to 
move the pizza boxes out from in front of the door and 
leave their mice and roach infested used bedding to venture 
out and be in the way of productive members of society.

I suggest we institute a policy whereby all the handicap 
spots are turned over to people who earn more than $150,000 
a year.  These people are producers for society and their 
time should be respected.  There are also a number of other 
benefits of this plan.  The tubbies who do venture out will 
have to walk from the back of the parking lot thus getting 
some well need exercise.  And as a parking lot can be a 
dangerous place, maybe a few of these large slow moving 
targets will get picked-off and save society a few welfare 

It's a win - win.  Let the revolution begin!

I need a drink, 


P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Up Yours! Forum


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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

and another thing...Debbie (of two legged dog fame) and Paul, 
(who wants informed political views) should both do something 
useful, like shut the fuck up.  Who let those two dee dee 
dees at the keyboard anyway? --chris 
[Do you even know what the fuck you're talking about, dick-

Chadwick, I agree with you regarding disciplining children. 
I am a 42 year old father of two and I spanked both of my 
kids when it was warranted. As my kids got older, I taught 
them the consequences of their actions by other means of 
discipline. My kids are 19 and 17 now and I believe they 
have turned out okay. I got the belt when I was kid and I 
love my parents to this day. And it DID teach me to not 
screw up again and I DID fear my father. But, that fear 
transgresed into respect. As it should. --Joey
[There's a name for people like you. It's 'asshole.']

Most all of us decent people was always whipped with a 
willow branch, or had our mouths washed out with bar soap! 
We turned out better than these kids are now days!!! 
[You ought to try a little soap on your body one in a while.]

dear chadwick, i'm a fairly recent subscriber and i love 
the column. i'm wondering, though, how much longer you'll 
be writing it after your opening remarks. it was pretty 
incendiary stuff, however, i do agree with you. here's 
hoping they don't fire your probably, cute little ass. 
love ya, paula
[I've been writing this for six years, cum-breath. If I 
didn't get fired for having an affair with the bosses wife 
I'm certainly not going to get sacked for anything I write 
in here.]

It has been law in the Uk for years that it is illegal to 
spank/smack children. Plus school children cannot be touched 
by school teachers, hence no discipline in or out of school.
This means we now have a generation who have not been spanked 
and they are now having kids themselves that are more unruly 
than they are.
[That's probably why England is full of homos and pussies.]

Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it 
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick

To see more issues like this visit: Up Yours! Archives

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