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Publication: Up Yours!
We need more hotties with low self esteem.

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            UP YOURS! - Saturday, February 3, 2007
To see more issues like this visit: Up Yours! Archives


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        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Megalomaniacs,   

There has been a growing controversy recently over designer   
babies. New proposals in Great Britain would allow for   
parents to be given the right to choose the sex of their   
baby, among other things, if passed into law.   

Let me come right out and without any preamble state that   
this is just plain wrong. And here's the reason... If this   
becomes a common practice in the United States, in 25 years   
there won't be any fucking hotties to hit!   

Look at it this way, if you're about to become a father and   
you start thinking about the advantages and disadvantages   
of both boys and girls, you're going to start thinking about   
all of the things you can pass on to your son, all of the   
experience you've gained and all of the life lessons you've   

You're going to start thinking about all of the bonding that   
will take place, going to that first ball game, telling him   
to buck up and teaching him how to throw a right cross when   
he comes home with a bloody nose from his first fight.   
Telling him if he wants to borrow the car he'd better damn   
well get his ass out there and get a job so he can pay for   
his own dammed gas.   

When you start considering a little girl all you're going to   
be thinking about is how some seventeen-year-old pervert is   
going to feed her a few beers when she's fourteen, lure her   
into the back seat of his Camero, and then fill your little   
princess up with a load of man-juice while she's drooling   
vomit on herself before leaving her, with her pants still   
unbuttoned, unconscious on your front porch.   

Is it going to be worth it when you can just pay a couple   
thousand dollars to guarantee a boy?   

Pretty much the only chicks will be coming from lesbian   
couples who want to raise a little dyke of their own, and   
you're probably not going to be hitting that anyway, and   
from single mothers who want a little girl on whom to   
lavish all the affection that their mothers never gave   
them, but who they just end up psychologically abusing   

When I'm 55 I want there to be plenty of nineteen and   
twenty-year-old bimbos with low self-esteem running around   
looking for a little attention and recognition from an   
understanding and affectionate father-figure. So let's leave   
genetic engineering to God, shall we?  

I need a drink, 


P.S. Listen, folks, next week I have a very important 
announcement to make. Make sure to check out next week's 
issue to find out the big news. 


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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I started getting these recently... Are you, by any chance, 
the Chadwick that used to be with the Shaqmail group? I used 
to get a BUNCH of those newsletters.  I got sick for a while 
and when I came back they were all gone.  I tried finding 
them on the internet but ... nothing. If you're not the same 
Chadwick,  you're funny as all get-out anyway lol. --M
[How many fucking Chadwicks do you think there are who write 
email insult lists? I didn't know they let retards use com-

Chadwick, So if the nameless goofball who wrote last week's 
column is in such great physical shape, he should stop 
whining about walking a few yards through a fucking parking 
lot. Maybe he's just a really fat turd who can never find a 
space next to the candystore entrance. Hey asshole, try 
shopping at a time when everyone else and their brother 
isn't shopping. You jealous fuck!
[I thought all of the asshole on this list were fat turds.]

Are you kidding me?  WHO FUCKING CARES?!  Why don't you com-
plain about something legit like the fucking Mexicans with 
their fifteen fucking kids, living on welfare in a one bed-
room apartment, bringing them to groceries stores and 
hospital waiting rooms because they can't afford a baby-
sitter because they have too many FUCKING KIDS!  But no, 
lets complain about the fat fuck with the handicap sign and 
nevermind the assholes with fifteen screaming kids, walking 
into WalMart so daddy can buy a fucking rope to tie the car 
door shut on their peice of shit van with the naked lady 
painted on the back!  Who do you think paid for the doctors 
bills for them to have those kids and the naked lady painted 
on the car?  Us TAX-PAYING-AMERICAN-CITIZENS.  Now that's a 
valid complaint you mother fucker! I need a god damn Xanax.
[God, I have an irresistable desire to put something in your 
mouth...like a ball gag.]

Hello Chadwick.  Delta Dawn here from the heart of Missis-
sippi.  Talking about a sterotype.  Love ya half the time, 
hate you the other half.  That's intriguing.  I would take 
a bet that if you do get fired from this podunk job, you 
would probably wind up in a better situation.  Love the 
quotes and commentary.  Kudos to a brilliant mind that most 
people cannot fathom. --DD
[So you love me half the time and hate me half the time. 
Sounds like schizophrenia to me. Would it help it I told 
you that based strictly on this email I hate you all the 

i am a father of 2 and I have grown up in an extremely 
abusive family, i don't believe that physical violence is 
necessary as long as you keep some sort of discipline but 
when they are young a spank on the butt will cause the 
reaction that will last for years and its not the pain its 
the emotional that is the key. your children don't have to 
hurt to know that they can't get away with what they want.
[I think the problem is not that you were beaten as a child 
but that you weren't beaten enough. You're obviously a pussy.]

Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it 
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick

Hundreds of hilarious, bizarre and outrageous video clips at: 

End of UP YOURS! 
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