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Publication: Up Yours!
This would only be normal in California.

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            UP YOURS! - Saturday, January 20, 2007
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Dear Spoiled Brats, 

Have you heard about this bull shit? The state Legislature 
of California is about to weigh in on a question that stirs 
impassioned debate among moms and dads: Should parents spank 
their children? Assemblywhore Sally Lieber (a Democrat, in 
case you couldn't guess), wants to outlaw spanking children 
up to 3 years old. If she succeeds, California would become 
the first state in the nation to explicitly ban parents from 
smacking their kids.

Of course, this is patently ass-backward. Children should be 
beaten and beaten often. And the younger the better. 

The problem is a lack of discipline. Modern parents are too 
unwilling to apply the back of the hand or a little leather 
to their childrens' backsides and therefore foster in them 
the belief that they can get away with absolutely anything. 

It all comes down to fear. If your child isn't afraid of   
you, why should he or she be afraid of ruining some poor   
slob's career?   

Plus, physical discipline is so much more effective and   
easier then 'time-outs' or grounding or revoking privileges.   
If, say, a child commits some infraction you could ground   
him or her for a week, meaning you have to police them every   
minute of the day, in addition to listening to endless   
whining and complaining. Or, you could immediately apply   
the belt vigorously for a few minutes and promise more of   
the same if you catch the child even looking like he's   
thinking of doing whatever it is he did again.   

Of course, by three-years-old you've already missed out on 
your best opportunities for discipline and by the time they 
are teenagers you might as well forget it. While beating 
the shit out of a teenager would be a lot of fun, it really 
won't do anything to change a behavior pattern. That's why 
you need to start beating them early.   

I'm not suggesting that you use a dowel rod on them as soon   
as they can stand. That young a gentle paddling is as harsh   
as a severe beating. But by three or four years you should   
be laying into your kids with belts, rulers, shoes, curtain   
rods, phone cords, cigarettes, staplers and whatever else   
you can get creative with.   

Trust Uncle Chadwick. If you take these measures your kids 
will not grow up to be a lying little bastards or dirty 
little tramps who lie, cheat, steal, smoke crack and throw 
stones at two-legged dogs just for the attention. 

I need a drink, 


P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Up Yours! Forum


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  --Ross Lockridge, American author, 1898-1962


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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Come Chadwick...You don't see what all the brouhaha is all 
about??? Even you can't be that cruel and uncaring. Those 
guys never thought about the fact that (heaven forbid!!!) 
they could go home without EITHER of their legs...or any 
other limb for that matter. That poor dog did NOTHING, 
wanted NOTHING from them except to be left alone. I think 
it's sad that they had NO compassion for that poor dog, 
and I'll NEVER watch another one. I for one am ASHAMED of 
those soldiers! Shame on you too! --Debbie
[What's your problem? When I first heard about the clip I 
thought they were going to vivisect it with a field knife, 
but all they did was throw a stone at the damned thing. 
Here...here's another clip about a two-legged dog. Why 
don't you write hate mail to these people???]

See the two-legged dog

Chadwick, when my Grandparents and Parents came into this 
country, not only did they have to go through immigration 
(being checked for diseases so they didn't infect the rest 
of population) but they had to be sponsored by an American 
citizen, be able to speak English, and prove that they 
could find employment to support themselves.  I say we go 
back to that method of immigration and ship all these 
illegals back to their third world countries.  Keep up the 
good work with your column. --Annamarie
[That's how my parents had to do it, too.]

Hey Fuckstick, I have an idea you would no doubt approve 
of.  The Mexicans have a similar immigration problem with 
illegals from Guatemala, El Salvador Venezuela, etc.  They 
rob them, rape them, and then shoot them.   Perhaps we 
should take a page out of their immigration policy.  What 
do you think, big boy?  I bet you would want to be put in 
charge of raping the little boys. --Dave
[Depends...what's the profit in it?]

How the fuck can an illegal have civil rights when they are 
not citizens? --Dan
[Actually, I think the Constitution guarantees the rights 
of anybody residing within the United States, not just 
citizens. Who wants to look it up and confirm?]

How the fuck do you violate the constitutional rights of 
an illegal alien who opted not to become a citizen and is 
therefore not protected by the constitution? --Nikki
[I know this question is almost identical to the one above, 
but I think Nikki is sort of a sexy name so I'm putting it 
in anyway.]

Chaddy: Love the newsletter, usually.  Spare us your views 
on national issues and moral ones, ok?  Stick with what 
you know, Einstein -- "semen on the chin" refrences and 
"your mama" jokes.  We don't care about your politics (even 
when we happen to agree with them...), we're here for the 
humor.  If we want political policy analysis or insightful, 
informed opinion we'll get if from somebody who doesn't rely 
so heavily on the spell-checker. Thanks, Paul 
[Who's "we"? You and your momma?]

What I don't understand is the following. You say that the 
"illigal immigrants" were stopped because they are criminals 
with the excuse of a traffic violation. My question is then, 
if they were stopped for being criminals, what also makes it 
ok, for you to be stopped for a crime you yourself only know 
you have commited on the same ground.
[You've got it backward, Jackleg. They were stopped for a 
traffic violation and detained because they were criminals.]

Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it 
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick

To see more issues like this visit: Up Yours! Archives
More FREE Fun and Amusement via email! www.gophercentral.com 

End of UP YOURS! 
Copyright 2007 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved. 

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