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Publication: Up Yours!
Another faceless whiner.

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           UP YOURS! - Saturday, September 16, 2006

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Dear Whiners, 

The following rambling libel was sent to me by one of my 
readers. Why they allow email access in state mental 
facilities is beyond me. But since I'd rather be sitting 
in the bar next door pickling my liver than in front of 
this computer I'm going to run this and call it a day. 

An open letter to some of the drivers I met on the way in 

Say Queen Latifa, the big black sister in the Benz C230: 
I know you saw me behind you, in the Black Lexus LS430, 
coming at you at about 95 MPH... but you still held your 
course in the left lane at 58 thinking that's your right. 
I know you got yourself a fine ride and you want people 
to see you driving your fancy Benz.  But until you make 
enough to step up to the S class I don't care how long 
your fingernails are, just get your chucky fried chicken 
eating ass out of the left lane.

To Jethro, the working brother in the 1994 Caprice Classic: 
I know that you got up late today and I appreciate the fact 
that your moving through traffic, but that car of yours, 
with the mismatched door and rear quarter panel is not 
capable of keeping up with my Lexus so please stop trying. 
I mean, that tire looks like it's made from a Baker's 
Square pie tin and a Timex watch band.  I know you don't 
have insurance and that you're license is revoked for 
driving after suspension so I'm beggin you to slow down 
and just stay the fuck away from me.

Yo Pimp Daddy, the wana'be in the '02 Escalade:  You may 
want to take it easy, it's 8 in the morning and you're 
already on your second fatty.  I like the spinners but can 
see that one is already broke, and you have the system up 
so much that the back window is shaking out of the frame. 
Actually, I hope you got a real good deal on that truck 
because it's clear the frame's bent, the whole thing is 
dogwalking in the lane.  Anyway, between the pot and the 
music I know you're having a hard time concentrating on 
the road so just do us all a favor and stay the fuck out 
of the 
left lane.

Howdy J.T., the hillbilly in the 1982 F150:  Thank for 
moving over when you saw me coming; you're a great American. 
However next time you don't need to smile at me as I pass. 
I can't get the image of your nearly toothless grin out of 
my mind.  I'd tell you do ease up on the Camels but I fear 
it's just too late.  Smoke-up.

Hello Michael, the newest stock broker in the '06 Jaguar 
X-Type:  Look here Mikey, $100K/yr don't give you the right 
you drive 60 in the left lane you piece-of-shit.  I see you 
trying to dial the phone instead of moving the fuck over 
into the center lane.  If I wasn't on my way to a meeting 
I'd follow you to wherever you were going just so I could 
shove that BlueTooth headset up your ass.  You should have 
gotten the Lexus GS but thought that the Jaguar was soo much 
cooler being British and all.  You're a loser and everyone 
knows it.  Now you're stuck for 2 years making lease pay-
ments on what's basically a Ford Taurus.  Dumb-fuck.

Hi Wanda, the frigg'n tree hugger in the Prius w/ the Kerry 
bumper sticker:  I know that you can see your miles-per-
gallon right there on the dash but that's not an excuse 
to not get out of my way.  I have an 8 cylinder car for a 
reason, I like to go fast and I don't care about the 
mileage. You're not saving the environment by not getting 
out of my way.  In fact, in your honor I just killed two 
spotted owls and dumped lye in a pond.  Think about that 
the next time you think you're better than me.  We should 
have a law that says no vehicles on the highway unless 
they have at least 310 HP.  So the least you can do is keep 
your fucking go-cart out of the left lane.

Now I know that most of you retards don't have drivers 
licenses due to the chronic alcohol & drug abuse.  But as 
my guess is that you drive anyway, I encourage everyone 
to drive safely.  That means you drive 55-60 in the right 
lane, 60-70 in the middle lane, and left lane is for 
passing only.  OK? 


I need a drink, 


P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Up Yours! Forum


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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Well then, what about Laura Ingraham? --John
[Laura Ingraham is one of those women who look so much 
sexier with a thick glaze of my cum on their faces.]

Chadwick, Oh my god! That new undecided law is ridiculous! 
First, they want to stop illegal immigration, and now 
they're encouraging it! What the hell is wrong with our 
country??? I think we should take all of the illegal immi-
grants out of the country, and then if they want to come 
over, they have to go through the government, background 
checks, etc. --Breann
[Hey, ya think? If only some other people in the United 
States thought like you.]

I loved your commentary on the financial aid for illegal 
immigrants.  It was right to the point. I posted it in the 
break room at my office. I work with 22 guys and they loved 
it!  Thanks. --Cindy
[22 guys and one woman. So what are you, a porn actress or 

Chadwick, I've written you twice and you've printed my com-
ments both times, but you have edited out some of my best 
work on each occasion.  Are you afraid to allow your readers 
to enjoy my full wrath for fear that they may see that some-
one in this world is more talented and more crass than you? 
[Listen, Tolstoy, I don't have the room to re-print your 
rambling essays about how your pencil dick turns different 
colors when you tie it up with rubberbands. Why don't you 
write back when you actually have something to say, which 
should be in about ten thousand years.]

I realize what you do is tongue-in-cheek sort of humor...I 
am just amazed that while those remarks you spout so crudely 
can really make a person THINK!  I am disgusted with your 
method but totally entranced and enchanted by a form of com-
mon sense that you are not even aware you might possess...
[Make you think?! Who are you trying to fool, freakshow? 
There's nothing between your ears but coagulated cum.]

Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it 
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick

To view recent issues visit: Up Yours! Archives
More FREE Fun and Amusement via email! www.gophercentral.com 

End of UP YOURS! 
Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved. 

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