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FIFTY & FURTHERMORE - Monday, August 28, 2006

"I'm Dr. Dorree Lynn. Growing older can be a time for 
creative and passionate living, and I will apply my years 
as a psychologist to help you with the challenges and 
wonders that come with this new life stage."
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Hello and welcome to FIFTY & FURTHERMORE! 

Today I will provide readers with my advice on a variety on 
topics. If you would like to make a comment or ask me a 
question, please email me at the address below and as always, 
I will do all I can to provide you with the advice you seek.

As I always say, "life is too hard to do alone - reach 
out!"

Dr. Dorree Lynn, Psychologist


Please send questions and comments to: 

email Dr. Lynn

Question:

I met a wonderful man last winter and have been seeing him 
on a regular basis. He's wonderful and treats me like a 
queen. He makes me laugh and we have so much fun together. 
I really care a lot for him and I think the feelings are 
mutual. The problem? He is much younger than I. He's early 
40's to my 66. He knows I'm "a little older" but I've never 
told him exactly how old I am. It really doesn't seem to 
matter to him but from what he's said, I think he believes 
me to be in my mid-50's. He's a little younger than my 
daughter but she approves as long as I am happy.  I've lost 
a lot of weight in the last couple of years and everyone 
tells me how much younger I look and how much nicer I dress 
now that I can buy pretty, stylish clothes. I have tried 
dating men in my own age category but it seems they all 
have prostate problems that they want to talk, almost brag, 
about. I often have wondered how they would feel if we were 
having a nice dinner and suddenly I announced "My uterus has
been acting up lately". You wouldn't believe how many 
"prostates" I've had with dessert. I really want to keep 
seeing this man but wonder if I'm setting myself up for a 
big heartbreak. Men his age have so much energy and are not 
stuck in a rut. They aren't so set in their ways that they 
can't be spontaneous sometimes. They are fun.  I really love 
being with him. I guess I have a young mindset trapped in 
an older body. Has anyone gone thru this experience with 
positive result? I was widowed at 41, remarried and divorced 
at 57....so I've had one good experience and one not so good. 
Is there any hope for me?

Answer:

One of the rewards that comes with age is not feeling so much 
pressure to act or dress in a certain way. As a fellow woman 
in her mid-60s who also looks and FEELS younger, I have 
learned to embrace my new self and realize more and more 
every day that numeric age alone has little value. You have 
met a man whom you can have fun with, whose spontaneity you 
value, who treats you wonderfully, and who doesn't fit the 
tired mold of the other men you've dated. If he had all the 
same qualities but was in his 60s, would you still be writing 
me asking if there was hope? From what you've said, it seems 
this man enjoys your company as much as you do his. As long 
as you have been yourself when you are with him, it is indeed 
you he has grown so fond of - all 66 years of you. If you do 
see a future with this man, though, you owe it to him to fess 
up about your real age. Perhaps he has never asked you because 
it matters not to him, or perhaps he senses your sensitivity 
over the issue. Either way, regardless of how much fun you 
have with someone, if you can't be honest with one another, 
your relationship has little promise. Clear the air now - not 
with a "do you still like me because I'm 66?" attitude, but 
with confidence and pride that you have defied the stereotypes 
of aging. Of course apologize to him if he has been misled, 
but assure him the person you are inside has been consistent 
the whole time. If you don't see your age as something working 
against you, then chances are neither will he. 

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Question:

Please don't regard this in a morbid tone.  My question is 
if I am in a hospital and terminally ill and don't have 
close friends or relatives does the hospital provide social 
workers or like that to work with me on final arrangements 
i.e. property and burial?  This is all assuming I am 
conscious and clear headed.

Answer:

Yes, but you would likely want to make arrangements in 
advance. At most hospitals, there is a chaplain or social 
worker specifically assigned for this purpose, and if you 
are concerned now, I would suggest speaking with the 
hospital and meeting this person before it becomes dire. 
In addition, are you sure you don't have any friend who 
may be willing to take on this responsibility for you? 
Sometimes we underestimate what others we know are willing 
to do for us. Don't be afraid to call on an acquaintance, 
in addition to speaking with the hospital staff - you may
be surprised.

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Question:

What if you have one aging parent left(83) and she has left 
no will, although she says she has a handwritten one in her 
lock box. Supposedly, she has a certain amount of money in 
the bank for each of us 2 daughters and then she has a 
certain amount for each of her grandchildren. Thats not the 
problem-the problem is she doesn't have anyone designated 
for her personal belongings-she has made my legitimate 
mentally ill son as co executor and my niece as co executor
(my sisters daughter). my niece is supposed to distribute 
any monies but my son has control over the part of her 
personal belongings-can that be challenged in court by my-
self and my sister as we feel he is not competent enough to 
do this type of thing but he does have a social security 
payee that he might designate that to. can the payee legally 
step in and dispose of her property. my son and I do not 
talk and haven't for a long time but I wonder about his 
mentality to do such a hard task. my sister and I worry 
about what we feel should be our legacy but our mom is so 
stubborn. we just don't know what we can and can't do. 
thanks

Answer:

Legally, if someone is mentally ill they cannot sign papers 
and the like. I have a close family member who is mentally 
ill and because of that, I take care of all legal papers on 
her behalf. Every family's situation is different, however, 
and while I have great compassion for what you're dealing 
with, I don't posit to know all the legal answers for your 
specific issue. Please consult a lawyer, preferably one who 
specializes in these matters, who can advise you on how to 
proceed. He or she will be able to give definitive answers 
to your questions and hopefully take some of the burden off 
of you and your family. Best of luck.

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     For more insight and advice from Dr. Lynn visit:              
fiftyandfurthermore.com

------------------------------------------------------------

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