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Publication: Fifty & Furthermore
The Importance of Sex

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Hello and welcome to FIFTY & FURTHERMORE! 

Last issue we opened up a discussion on the importance 
of sex in marriage, as per one reader's question. Below 
are some reader reactions. If you would like to make a 
comment or ask me a question, please email me at the 
address below and as always, I will do all I can to 
provide you with the advice you seek.

As I always say, "life is too hard to do alone - 
reach out!"

Dr. Dorree Lynn, Psychologist


Please send questions and comments to: 
email Dr. Lynn

Question:

It's hard to believe anyone would quit having sex at the 
age of 39, he's missed SO much, and so's his wife.  Why 
be content when you can be ecstatically happy by having 
it ALL?  If there is nothing medically stopping them then 
I would tell them at least half your sex drive is between 
your ears and maybe they should get some counseling to 
find out why they can't let go of the hang ups and truly 
enjoy each other to the fullest extent!  If one of them 
should get too ill or God forbid pass away, think of the 
regrets the other one would have for all that time they 
didn't truly express their love in ALL ways?  Not to men-
tion the medical issues, ever hear of use it or lose it?  
I would think medical problems could occur if...oh well, 
I'm not an MD so can't comment on that aspect of it but
I do wonder.  I'm glad he's (they're) happy, I just think 
they are missing so much more...and I think he gave up 
too soon way back yonder when he wondered if sex was a 
necessary ingredient for a happy marriage.  I'm amazed 
that he didn't find someone else, most men would have 
rather than give up a natural part of life.
 
(I don't mean to sound harsh, I just hate to see someone 
miss out when he obviously loves her).

Answer:

This reader did not clarify the reason for sexual abstin-
ence or whether it was a decision they both made together 
or initiated by a medical issue one of them faced. While 
refraining from sex does not lead to a "use it or 
lose it" situation, engaging in sexual behavior CAN 
increase psychological well-being, an important factor 
in aging well. This couple may not ever regret their 
decision, but like you said - they may have chosen to 
give up rather than make sex work for them. Sex can cer-
tainly enhance a relationship, but there ARE other ways 
to feel pleasure from one's spouse. Sometimes these are 
equally as important. Thanks for writing.

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Question:

I find it interesting that he wrote "I have not 
had sex with my wife for over 30 years."
 
He married at age 21 and has been married for 48 years.
 
My experience with men is that they get it from some-
where.

Answer:

This is of course always an unfortunate possibility. I 
always choose to give my readers the benefit of the 
doubt though, as the one thing I've learned the most as 
I've aged is that my hair isn't the only place to find 
"shades of gray.

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Question:

He's full of hogwash! Maybe HE doesn't think it's important, 
but what does SHE think?  I've lived like that for many many 
years. He thinks we're happy. 

Answer:

Your letter illustrates why in my response I urged him to 
discuss their situation with his wife to make sure they 
both agreed. Often times one spouse will believe the other 
feels a certain way only to realize he/she heartily 
disagrees. Perhaps it's time for you to clue YOUR husband 
in. Asking him to read today's ezine is a great way to 
start the conversation.

------------------------------------------------------------
     For more insight and advice from Dr. Lynn visit:              
fiftyandfurthermore.com
------------------------------------------------------------

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