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FIFTY & FURTHERMORE - Monday, November 13, 2006

"I'm Dr. Dorree Lynn, founder of FiftyandFurthermore.com. 
Growing older can be a time for creative and passionate 
living, and I will apply my years as a psychologist to 
help you with the challenges and wonders that come with 
this new life stage."
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Hello and welcome to FIFTY & FURTHERMORE! 

Below is my advice to some great reader questions. If 
you would like to make a comment or ask me a question, 
please email me at the address below and as always, I 
will do all I can to provide you with the advice you 
seek.

As I always say, "life is too hard to do alone - reach 
out!"

Dr. Dorree Lynn, Psychologist


Please send questions and comments to: 
email Dr. Lynn

Question:

My question has to do with people who have been suffer-
ing from "hidden illnesses"  or disabilities for years 
or decades. By these I mean mental illnesses or others.  
Sometimes the medications we are on detract from our 
looks and personalities.  Some of these meds are very 
powerful and they make us tired or loggie.  Many people 
want to work but for some reason or other simply cannot.  
Now I know there are such things as stay at home jobs 
using a pc or like that. Unfortunately many of these so 
called stay at home jobs are scams.  Some can become 
authors or artists.   What I guess I am trying to say is 
that the medication we take is often a trade off.  We 
lose a lot of vim and vigor but manage to stay out of the
hospital.  People with disabilities are often excellent 
employees and can outwork many other workers.  If for 
some reason a person has been hospitalized for some time 
or just unable to work due to depression how can they 
apply for jobs?  When a manager asks them what they have 
been doing for that time what do they tell him?  Many 
disabled people want to work badly but have an awful time 
finding jobs on their own.  Work is an extremely important
part of life and does wonders for our self esteem.  How 
can disabled people find gainful employment other than 
sheltered work when they have been out for a long time?

Answer:

Thank you for bringing to the forefront an issue that 
affects many but isn't addressed enough. Whatever our 
personal stumbling blocks, we all strive to feel useful 
through work. You are no different except that you have 
suffered unfortunate health issues that have delayed you 
from reaching your professional goals. While it won't be 
easy, as you are well aware, there are actions you can 
take that may help speed up the transition back into the 
working world. First off, I encourage you to talk to a 
few different doctors concerning your medication. Some 
newer meds have fewer side effects or come in lower 
dosages. Many people are overmedicated and don't realize 
it. Trust your judgement and if you feel like a certain 
medicine is making you too drowsy, then ask for a lower 
dosage or to be weaned off of it. As you begin looking 
for new work, it may help to have a professional's 
letter explaining that you were ill (as a large segment 
of the population is at any given time), are now on meds 
and can return to work. Employers won't see a much need-
ed medical "time-out" as automatic cause for alarm, and 
many will value an employee who takes care of himself. 
It's usually best not to lie, but you also needn't delve 
into the specifics of your illness. As for what type of 
work to look for, yes, some at-home jobs are scams. Some 
aren't. However a reputable temp agency or government 
placement agency can help you distinguish genuine at-
home work. If you have a particular ability, say numbers 
or typing or working on a computer,  these agencies are 
always looking for people with specific skills.  Even 
phone-answering is often outsourced and can be done for 
a company from home. Perhaps also start by volunteering 
at a local place where you can work part time at YOUR 
hours. For example, because of your own experience you
might be good at a crisis hotline (requiring some train-
ing and a lot of common sense) or an agency familiar 
with your disability. Volunteer or part-time positions 
often lead to full-time once you prove your reliability. 
These are good places because they, more than other 
employers, should understand your issues. If you find 
that making the first step is too difficult (or you are 
a couch potato), get a "potato peeler" - someone to help 
you with writing a resume, making phone calls and paper-
work. Your fear and concerns about the "what-ifs" may 
keep you from doing anything.  With help, and a simple 
first step, you may be surprised at what you can accom-
plish. By the way, anxiety, depression and other fears 
are part of the process - for EVERYONE. It takes courage 
to move into any new situation.  Be kind to yourself - 
and go slowly, step by step. 

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--------------------------------------------------------

Question:

I am sixty years old and my husband is 70. He has a hard 
time getting it up. He takes Viagra but sometimes it still 
does not help our sex life. What I cannot understand is 
that lately he has been going on the Internet and flirting
with the ladies in the 60 romance rooms. He says he loves 
me and we are always together except the times when he 
goes on the Internet which is always around 9:30pm till 
around 12 or 12:30 talking with the ladies on line. He 
admits he cybers with them hoping he will get aroused for 
me. I do not understand this at all. He is not a well man 
physically - a lot of pain. I do love him and I know he 
loves me. The green eye jealousy gets to me.

Answer:

It is not abnormal for men to experience sexual difficul-
ties as they age, and while I'm sure your husband is 
frustrated, his "solution" is hardly helping your inti-
macy. HE may be aroused, but I'm sure your interest in 
sex goes way down after you know he has been verbally 
intimate with other women.  Your husband's problem 
affects BOTH of you, and thus the solution should in-
volve both of you as well. Viagra is far from the only 
method, so I urge you to talk to his doctor and see what
may be the best solution for him that doesn't involve 
other women. In the meantime, tell your husband that what
he is doing is a form of cheating and that it needs to 
stop because it hurts you. Offer to be his "fantasy" for 
him. Ask him what it is that always gets him aroused when 
he is online but not with you. Then experiment. The only 
way both your marriage and your sex life will improve is 
if you work on it TOGETHER.

------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------------------

This past Saturday was Veterans Day, and I'd like to use 
this space to honor all Veterans and their families, fifty 
and furthermore and otherwise. Whether we believe in war 
or not, these men and women have put their lives on the 
line for something they feel passionately about, and that 
is to be commended. Thank you on behalf on Fifty & 
Furthermore.

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     For more insight and advice from Dr. Lynn visit:              
fiftyandfurthermore.com

------------------------------------------------------------

          GopherCentral's Question of the Week

Topical, timely, controversial, click the link to answer
this week's GopherCentral.com Question of the Week.

     Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:     
Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------

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