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Publication: Laff A Day
It's Good to be da King

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LAFF A DAY - Thursday, August 17, 2006
Greetings Laff Lovers,

Much buzz is being made about Prince Harry's drunken groping of
some blonde girl. I say, "Fie!"

If I were a Godless prince, with money, fame and a complete lack
of concern for anyone but myself, I would be having the same
drunken orgy with my brother and all the peasants we could shag,

Poor boys never had a chance, really. Daddy had Mommy killed
because she couldn't take the hypocrisy. Now the Ancient Order
have their hooks into these future kings and are shaping their
thoughts and actions. Beware world!

Groping young girls is a shame, but you'd be terrified if you
saw the pictures of the Order standing in the center of a
pentagram, holding a gold sickle over the bloody throat of an
innocent virgin who's just been sacrificed to appease the

...Or, they could just be teenagers out trying to get laid.



Here's a link to my new blog. Send me suggestions on what to
do with it... I know what the number one suggestion will be:
'Shove it up your ass, TZ.'
Laffaday Blog

Send me your comments and jokes at this link:

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You wake up each morning and scratch someone else's balls.

You blow every paycheck on gerbils.

You get offended and/or turned on by the word "Fruit Loops."

Your fantasies include prison showers and dropped soap.

Anyone mentions "The Village People" and you think of your

Your friends want to kill Richard Simmons. You'd rather paddle
his cute little ass.

You're best friends with the girl you took to your high school

You think Pamela Anderson dresses nice.

You dress like Liberace on casual Fridays.

Your idea of "getting lucky" on the weekend is finding Ralph
Lauren sheets on sale.

You start to cry when your boss says you can't have the day
off for your birthday.

You don't know the score of the game last night, but you do
remember that the players had some of the roundest asses
you've ever seen.

When someone asks you if you're a pitcher or a catcher, your
first thought isn't about baseball.

When you see a handsome police officer following you on the
highway, you speed up instead of slowing down.

You've wondered if Batman and Robin share a bedroom.

You noticed that Ricky Martin shaved his chest for his last

You're the one everyone turns to when they need someone to
plan a surprise party.

You can recite the next line of the following song: "The
minute you walked in the joint, I could see you were a man of

When viewing straight porn videos you watch the women give
head and think, "they're not doing that right."

"CBS reporter Mike Wallace has scored an exclusive interview   
with the Iranian president. I don’t want to say that Mike   
Wallace is old but the last time he interviewed the leader   
of Iran it was Ali Babba."   
     ---Jay Leno  

In an American history discussion group, the professor was
trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with

"For example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood
five feet one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements
of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of
the contest?"

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up,
"Not very well."

"Why is that?" Asked the professor.

"For one thing," the student said, "She'd be way too old."

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Abie and Moishe had a religious goods store on Delancey Street
on the Lower East Side of NYC.

The neighborhood was changing. The Jews were moving to
Westchester or Long Island and the Puerto Ricans were moving in.

"Abie, ve haff to move to Westchester," said Moishe.

"Ve can't. Diss neighborhood iz our life. Ve've been here for
toity-tree years. Maybe ve can start stockink Ketolic articles

"Vat? Ketolic articles? Bistu in gantzen meshuggeh? Ve're Jews.
NO Ketolic articles!"

A month passed and they sold nothing but two talliseisim, three
mezzuzahs and one set of tefillin. Now was the time to fish or
cut bait.

Moishe agreed that they had to stock Catholic articles, so he
said to Abie, "OK, call dat Ketolic supply house on Park

Abie: "Hello, Ketolic supply house on Park Avenue? Diss is Abie
and Moishe's on Delancey Street. I vant 200 daily missals, 100
autographed pictures of the Pope, 200 of dose beads, vat you
call em, Rosaries? And a gross of crucifixes. And I need dos
things here tommorow. "

"OK, Sir. I got your order. Let me read it back. 200 daily
missals, 100 autographed pictures of the Pope, 200 sets of
Rosaries and 100 crucifixes. So, tell me, however, dese
crucifixes. You vant dem mit or mitout de Jesuses? And
tomorrow we don't deliver...it's Shabbos."

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