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Publication: Mouthpiece
Encyclopedia Mythica

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T H E . M O U T H P I E C E       Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Good Afternoon,

I'm in a great mood today! Not only is it Friday, but I 
just found out that... wait, it's only Wednesday. Crap. 

Well, here's looking ahead towards the end of the week. 
I can't wait to see you Friday. 

Mouthing Off,

email Mouthpiece

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P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
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[m]  q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y 

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the 
impersonators would be dead." 
- Johnny Carson

"I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt 
you when you are brave." 
- E. M. Forster

"Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. 
A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein." 
- Joe Theismann

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What's On the Web? 


This award-winning site focuses on mythology, folklore and 
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[m]  b i t s . n . b o b s 

Doctor's Reports 

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for
over a year.

2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it
disappeared completely.

3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began see-
ing me in 1993.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also
appears to be depressed.

5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

6. Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally 
alert but forgetful.

7. The patient refused an autopsy.

8. The patient has no past history of suicides.

9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another 

10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past
three days.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for 

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent 

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of 
her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car 
for physical therapy.

20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he 
took a job as a stockbroker instead.

21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt 
we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnorm-


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