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Bad Candy

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T H E . M O U T H P I E C E  Thursday, August 3, 2006

Comment The Post Below...

Good Afternoon,

Well tonight I return to Chi-town after five relaxing and 
fun days in Jamaica. At least I assume they were fun and 
relaxing! I'm sure I'll have stories to tell you tomorrow...


email Mouthpiece

Remember you can comment on any part of this issue or read 
comments by visiting: The Mouthpiece Blog

[m]  q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y 

"Happy Birthday to Mick Jagger. He turned 63 today. Mick's 
secret to looking good? Always stand next to Keith Richards." 
--Jay Leno

"Ford is now coming out with personal computers inside 
their vehicles. This is so Ford employees can look for a 
job on the way to work."
--Conan O'Brien

"Condoleezza Rice was in Rome and she visited the Vatican 
and all the priests were very happy to see her. And everybody 
kept asking her 'What's it like to be celibate?'." 
--David Letterman 

      **** It's Time for Some Target Practice ****
             Airsoft Super Pistols NOW $2.99

Ideal for harmless target practice, the Airsoft Pistols are
spring loaded and shoot plastic BB's instead of real bullets.
Just load up the BB's in the magazine, pull back the
slide and you're ready to shoot away. Accurate, and cheap to 
shoot, these guns will provide hours of entertainment. The
first gun is only $2.99... Order by visiting: 

The AirSoft Super Pistol

We, of the Ultimate Bad Candy Web Site, do hereby declare war 
on any and all candy whose consumption serves only to create 
misery and suffering amongst the upstanding citizenry of the 


A website devoted entirely to a man and his Chrysler Cordoba. 
You have to listen to 'The Doba Song.' Hey, everyone needs an
obsession, right? 


Parents, Grandparents, Students & Children LOVE THIS...

Store Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $4.99 or less

This complete, 68-piece art set promotes creativity, expression 
and of course fun! Both children and adults will love this
all-encompassing art kit that includes:

- 12 Crayons       - 12 Colored Pencils  - 12 Colored Markers
- 12 Oil Pastels   - 1 Liquid Glue       - 12 Watercolor Paints  
- 1 Paint Brush    - 1 Pencil Eraser     - 1 Pencil Sharpener
- 1 Paint Pallet   - 1 Drawing Pencil    - 1 Transparent Ruler
- And a Handsome and Functional Storage Case with Carry Handle

Get this complete set for just $4.99... have a gift to get?
Pick-up two sets for just $7.98. Check it out, by visiting: 

Complete 68-Piece Creativity Art Set

[m]  b i t s . n . b o b s 

New Office Work Rules 

1. SICKNESS: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no 
longer accept your doctor's statement as proof of illness, 
as we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you 
are able to come to work.

allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts 
that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you 
should not consider having anything removed. We hired you 
as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you 
less than we bargained for.

3. DEATH, OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: This is no excuse. If you can 
arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, 
however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your 
work is up to date.

4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This will be accepted as an excuse, but 
we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is 
your duty to teach someone else your job.

5. PERSONAL HYGIENE: Entirely too much time is being spent 
in the washrooms. In the future, you will follow the 
practice of going in alphabetical order, for instance, those 
with last names beginning with "A" will be allowed to go 
from 9:00-9:05, and so on. If you are unable to go at your 
appointed time, it will be necessary to wait until the next 
day when your time comes around again.

6. QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you'll never 
do enough.

7. QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfect-

8. ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the 
morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the 




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t h e . m o u t h p i e c e 
END OF THE MOUTHPIECE - http://www.gophercentral.com
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