Publication: Fifty & Furthermore More On Marriage | |
Subscribe FREE to Fifty & Furthermore by clicking here.
FIFTY & FURTHERMORE - Thursday, September 21, 2006
"I'm Dr. Dorree Lynn. Growing older can be a time for
creative and passionate living, and I will apply my years
as a psychologist to help you with the challenges and
wonders that come with this new life stage."
------------------------------------------------------------
Hello and welcome to FIFTY & FURTHERMORE!
Below are more reader reactions to the topic of marriage
and divorce. I will post even more in the next issue.
Please continue to share your thoughts! If you would like
to make a comment or ask me a question, please email me
at the address below and as always, I will do all I can
to provide you with the advice you seek.
As I always say, "life is too hard to do alone - reach
out!"
Dr. Dorree Lynn, Psychologist
Please send questions and comments to:
email Dr. Lynn
Question:
I simply had to respond to whether things were better re:
marriage/divorce way back when or now! I will be turning
65 Tuesday, September 26th. We're born, we turn 21, we
turn 65 (yea!), and then our final reward. I, for one,
think every stage of our lives has it's own blessings.
Yep, I agree with Margaret Mead. Every marriage was in-
deed appropriate for its time. I gained new friends each
and every step of the way. Learned valuable life lessons
and remember the good times and enjoy the present.
Anyway, it's hard to say the old ways of handling marriage/
divorce were better back then. If you fell in love, you
hoped it lasted. If you were in a really bad marriage, it
was darn hard to get out of it -- even if the children
suffered as a result. Back then and even into the 70's,
living together (or god forbid! going to a motel) could
land you in jail. Consequently, there were a lot of
marriages made in haste.
Fast forwarding to the 80's, my mother told me "well, at
least you didn't live out of wedlock with anyone or get
pregnant." Looking back, I wish I'd had the nerve to
"trial marriage." Wouldn't have married the men I did
but as I said, no regrets. There is something to be said
about truly! getting to know someone. Of course, the
problem can be, some people are STILL able to pull the
wool over their partner's eyes before the "big" day.
So, who's to say! People have to learn to listen to the
voice inside and go from there. Then, ENJOY! We have one
chance at making the most of what we have in our lifetime.
Pull out of memories the really good times so there is a
positive every step of the way. As for old age, I think
it's an absolute hoot. The aches and pains, one NEEDS to
just laugh at it. When we were quite young, we thought
people had to be dead by 50 or 60, for heaven's sake. My
parents lived to be in their mid-80's. My poor mother did
not enjoy her life that much.
Answer:
Thanks for your two cents worth and happy early birthday!
You have a positive attitude on life and all its sur-
prises that can't help but be contagious. It is true that
while divorce may be the answer for one person, it is not
necessarily the best choice for another. You say you only
have one chance to make the best of things, but I like to
think we are presented the opportunity to smile in the
face of adversity often - it's just that if we are so busy
smiling, any new challenge that comes our way will seem
like a mere bump in the road - each "appropriate for its
time."
--------------------------------------------------------
How would you like to Make THOUSANDS of DOLLARS a Week,
starting tomorrow?
Get prepared for what you're about to see and hear. The next
15 minutes are going to change your life forever.
Q: How would you like to earn Thousands of Dollars EVERY WEEK,
with a 12 year old Debt-free Company in a fully automated
online business that requires only 9 minutes of your time each
week?
A: Visit Us... It will only take 15 minutes for you to find
out how we're doing it...
Earn thousands per week
--------------------------------------------------------
Question:
I never thought that I would end up divorced, but when I
informed my then husband that I wanted a divorce, his
response was, "Do you want the waterbed?"
Obviously, the relationship was over long before that
moment.
So ~ which impact is worse on the children ... to live in
a house full of animosity,or to be in a home with one
parent not there, but without the daily fights? This, I
think is the major question.
I personally am against the "five minute marriages" that
end in divorce ~ but it is more that I am against the
taking of the institution of marriage so lightly that
divorce is seen as a good option ~ like changing your
hair style.
I believe that the divorce rate would decline if there
was a way to get people to be really interested in build-
ing a life together, and not just 'the thing to do
because all my friends are doing it.'
Statistics indicate that those who live together before
getting married do not fair any better than those who do
not. This indicates to me that it is not a matter of "I
didn't know he (or she) was so (fill in the blank)."
Instead it is a matter that in today's society we have
throw away people just as we have disposable everything
else. That is to our shame.
My second relationship ended with the death of my
partner, which was painful, but I believe that it showed
character to stay in the relationship after the diagnosis
of cancer and everything that followed that. "In sickness
and in health" should mean something ~ as all the other
promises also should be taken seriously.
Answer:
I agree that while it is a good thing for those in abusive
marriages that divorce is now an acceptable option, the
fact that marriages are now seen as disposable in many
cases is upsetting. I, too, remember when "til death do
us part" were the words to live by, not "til I find some-
one better." You bring up an excellent point of further
debate, however. Does staying in a broken marriage really
benefit the children or is divorce sometimes a better
option for THEIR well-being? I have written an article on
this very topic, but I'd like to hear your opinions first.
Keep the emails coming!
------------------------------------------------------------
The #1 DVD Rental Site Just Got Even Better...
Check out Netflix and see why now is the time to join:
- Only $5.99 a month. - No Late Fees.
- Over 65,000 Titles. - Free Trial.
And of course shipping is always free both ways. Get more
info and browse the more than 60,000 titles by visiting:
check out Netflix
------------------------------------------------------------
Question:
I've been divorced from my first husband since 1994. We
both remarried, me for 3 years until he left me after
I suffered a life-changing stroke at age 39 (I'm now
disabled and unable to work). We always kept in touch
since we share a daughter who is now 22. He just got
divorced from his second wife 3 weeks ago. This is the
first time we've both been single at the same time.
He's now wealthy as he hit it big the year after our
divorce (just my luck). I'm now 50, he's 57, and he's
indicated that he would like to see me again. I
unfortunately have no desire for anything other than a
friendship (I'm sure he'll want more) but im really in
dire straits financially. I know he would pay for a lot
for me but I would feel like I was using him and that's
not in my nature. What should I do? We had a 17 year
relationship, dating for 5 yrs, married for 12. I
left him because of his alcohol abuse (He's still drink-
ing as far as I know).
Answer:
You say your ex-husband has only been divorced for 3 weeks
and he is already eager to jump back into things with you.
What's to say three weeks later, he won't be ready to start
things back with his other ex (or with someone new)? It
sounds like you have had many challenges in your life and
I certainly sympathize with your financial situation, but
remember that you divorced this man for a reason. You
indicate that the same behavior that caused you to leave
him continues on today, 12 years later. Sure, he could pay
your bills, but are you willing to trade your emotional
security and happiness (and possibly safety concerning his
alcoholism) for financial security? I am sure it took a lot
of strength and courage to walk away the first time, and it
is time to summon that courage once more in resisting his
advances. You say jokingly that it was just your luck that
he hit it big after your divorce, but it truly may have
been a blessing in disguise. His character alone wasn't
enough to make you stay in the marriage then. You need to
ask yourself if he didn't have the money he has now, would
you still be writing me asking if you should date him again?
Your instinct to stick with your nature is right on in this
case.
------------------------------------------------------------
For more insight and advice from Dr. Lynn visit:
fiftyandfurthermore.com
------------------------------------------------------------
GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Topical, timely, controversial, click the link to answer
this week's GopherCentral.com Question of the Week.
Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------
Looking for recent issues of Fifty & Furthermore? Go to:
Fifty & Furthermore Archives
************************************************************
Want some Fun and Amusements sent by email F-R-E-E? Visit:
Newsletters
************************************************************
END OF Fifty & Furthermore - Another F-R-E-E GopherCentral publication
F-R-E-E Publication
Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Fifty & Furthermore by clicking here.
|