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Publication: Laff A Day
Am I pathetic and neurotic?

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LAFF A DAY - Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Another beautiful spring...almost summer day, and I'm not 
out on the golf course. Now that I'm forty-(?) I'm starting 
to measure my life by how many opportunities to be outside 
playing golf I miss. 

Does that mean as I'm getting a little older I'm valuing my 
time and the quality of my life more...or does it mean that 
I'm pathetic and neurotic? 



Computers let you make more mistakes faster than any other 
invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of 
handguns and tequila.

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Thought of getting perfect vision?

"Y'all got any American razor blades in here?" the Texan 
asked the London pharmacist. "All I see are these damn 

"Sir," the Englishman patiently replied, "Wilkinson has 
been producing the finest surgical instruments, weapons 
and razors since before Waterloo." 

"I don't give a damn if they passed them out on Noah's 
Ark if they ain't any good," the Texan retorted. 

"I can assure you they are very good sir." the peeved 
druggist said. "Why just last year, my wife swallowed 
one. It gave her a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a 
hysterectomy, circumcised the gardener, emasculated a 
neighbor, cut two of a delivery boy's fingers off at the 
knuckle - and I still got 10 shaves out of it." 

Q: Why do women wear flowered panties?

A: To commemorate all of the faces that have been buried 

The Bit Shooter Master... You've Seen it on TV...

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DEAL PRICE: $14.99

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with the unique multi-cartridge speed loading system. With 
the Bit Shooter you'll always have the screwdriver bit you 
need in one handy tool. 

The Bit Shooter's magnetized Speed Loader Cylinders are 
designed to hold common tool bits and snap on easily for 
quick tool changes. 

The Bit Shooter is SOOOO easy to use. You'll love having
any bit right at your fingertips.

Bit Shooter replaces all your other screwdrivers! It's 24 
screwdrivers. The uses are many, it actually replaces over 
50 tools. The Bit Shooter Master...

New Living Will Form 

I, _________________________, being of sound mind and body, 
do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial 

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands 
of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology 
if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested 
in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of 
time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the 

______a Bloody Mary, 

______a Margarita 

______a Manhattan

______a Martini 

______a beer

______a Vodka and Tonic 

______a Steak 

______Lobster or crab legs 

______The remote control, 

_____ Chocolate 


it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When 
such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my 
appointed person and attending physicians to pull the 
plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Laffaday forum. Check it out here... Laffaday Forum


           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It's Available. The Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  Laffaday Book


To see more issues like this visit: Laff A Day Archives
Visit the Laff A Day Website here: http://www.laffaday.com
More FUN and AMUSEMENT sent by email: www.gophercentral.com


Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved. 

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