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                    THE INTERNET TUTOR
                      April 6, 2006

This week...

- Webmaster Tip: Image Map Entry
- Surfin' the Web: Baseball Contest
- Software Spotlight: System Cleaner
- The Oddball Wall: Bizarre Baseball
- Computer Tip: Spyware Quake

My wife and I were at a cookout with some friends when little 
10 year old Nick came running into the house screaming, "Mom, 
mom, I broke a tooth out when I fell off the deck."

Blood was running down his chin and filled his mouth. His mom 
went into a small panic. "Open your mouth," she yelled, "let 
me see it."

Nick opened his mouth, mom looked inside. "What tooth,' she 
asked, getting more desperate by the moment, "what tooth is 

"April Fools!" exclaimed Nick as he wiped the ketchup off his 

Mom had been had, and my wife was the one that gave him the 
idea. He did ask her how to fool his mom, and my wife was 
more than happy to oblige. I hope your April Fools Day was 
less stressful. :)


Normal Retail $69.99 

Take advantage of this SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY OFFER for
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prove that once you try a pair, you will agree these 
are the best sunglasses you have ever owned.

Alpine Sunglasses offer unmatched quality, style and 
comfort . . . AND are GUARANTEED to block 100% of 
harmful UV rays. 

JUST 100% UV PROTECTION from Dakota Eyewear. DON'T MISS 
OUT This offer will not last long. Perfect for both men 
and women. Sorry due to demand, we must limit you to 5 
pairs per order. To order, click or copy and paste this
link: Alpine Sunglasses Introductory Offer

WEBMASTER TIP - Image Map Entry

Note: In code examples I add a period after each left arrow
bracket so the code can be viewed in all e-mail programs. If 
you copy and paste, be sure to remove the periods or it won't 

Question: I paid good money for a professional web site, but 
it isn't showing up in search engines. Someone told me it may 
have something to do with the page design. I find that hard 
to believe since it was professionally done. What do you think? 
My site is (URL deleted). My designer told me it takes a long 
time to get a site indexed.
Simon Says: It does take a long time to get a site indexed in 
many search engines, but you'll be waiting forever with the 
current design.

Your opening page does look nice, but the only links into your 
site from the front page are built into the image map. Search 
engine spiders typically are unable to follow image map co-
ordinates, so your site will not be indexed since there are 
no links a search engine spider can follow.
A few search engines may index your main page, but it will 
probably never show up in any search results since there is 
no content other than the image map, which is meaningless to 
search engines.
Your designer knew what he or she was doing from a design 
standpoint, but does not understand how search engines work. 
Have him or her add text links so the search engines spiders 
have some links to follow, and so people that have images 
turned off, use screen readers, or use  text only browsers 
can also access your site.
You should also have your web designer add some text content 
to the front page. It should include several keywords and 
keyword phrases that reflect what your site is about. The 
textual content is the "main course" a search engine spider 
feeds on.


Store Price: $14.99

    *** 50 Million Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong *** 

Relive all the memorable moments and highlights from all 
stages of the career of the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis. 

This 80 minute, jam-packed DVD contains footage of Elvis in 
Hollywood, on TV and Live in Concert. But the best part of 
all is... it can now be yours for only $2.99. Grab a copy by 
visiting: Elvis The King on DVD

SURFIN' THE WEB - Baseball Contest

This one is for baseball fans, or anyone that wants a chance 
to win a lot of money!

Major League Baseball has three contests. All are free to 
enter and extensive knowledge of baseball isn't necessary. 
In one contest you pick a hitter each day, if your pick gets 
a hit your "hitting streak" keeps going. If not, you start 
over. You can pick a different hitter each day if you like, 
and can play several days in advance so you don't have to 
log in every day to play. Whoever has the longest hitting 
streak of the season wins.

In another contest, you pick someone you think will hit a 
home run. Again, the idea is to have a long streak, only this 
times it's a home run streak. In the third contest you pick 
one team to win. If your team wins, you survive, if not, you 
don't survive. Last man or woman standing wins.

Did I mention the prizes? Top prize in the best paying game 
is $100,000 -- and that's no foul ball! Other prizes include 
$10,000, All Star Game tickets, and MLB gift certificates.



          GopherCentral's Question of the Week

    Do you think our nation should go to war with Iran?

 Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week



Spring is the time for spring cleaning, and that should 
include the care of your PC. System Cleaner is a tool for 
cleaning up your system to help it run like new again. The 
program targets more than 100 file extensions of unnecessary 
files on your computer. You can choose to delete the files 
to the recycle bin or to a specified backup folder.

System Cleaner includes a Windows Startup Manager, Registry 
Cleaner, File Shredder, Privacy Protector and more.


Note: I do not provide support for the featured software. 
Contact the software vendor for support. No warranty is 
made or implied as to the usefulness or appropriateness of 
featured software.

                 MicroGrip Non*Slip-Pads 
     The concept product our cars have been waiting for 

MicroGrip Non*Slip-Pads are state-of-the-art technology. 
Securely hold objects in place through sharp turns and sudden 
stops. No more stuff flying in the back seat. 

Millions of microscopic grips act as invisible suction cups, 
without glue or sticky tapes that melt in the sun. 

MicroGrip works on any surface in any temperature and humidity 
level. Hold cell phones, coins, garage door openers, IDs, 
wallets, PDAs, portable CD players, glasses & more. Only $5.99 
or 2 for $4.99 each. Visit: MicroGrip Pads

THE ODDBALL WALL - Bizarre Baseball
On this day in 1973, Yankee Ron Blomberg became the 1st 
designated hitter. Since it's the big inning...er, beginning 
of the 2006 baseball season, I'm going to pitch in with a 
baseball quiz.
1) In reference to the intro to this quiz, what did Ron 
Blomberg do in his first at bat as the first designated 
hitter in baseball?
a. struck out   b. walked   c. got a hit
2) In one of the most bizarre trades in baseball history, in 
1962 the Cleveland Indians traded catcher Harry Chiti to the 
New York Mets for a player to be named later. Who was the 
player that was named later?
a. Harry Chiti (Harry Chiti for Harry Chiti)
b. Jake Stengel (son of Mets' manager Casey Stengel)
c. Mike Payson (the husband of team owner Joan Whitney Payson)
3) In another bizarre trade, in 1989, Tim Fortugno, a career 
minor leaguer pitcher, was traded to the Milwaukee Brewers. 
What did the Brewers give up to acquire Fortugno?
a. twelve dozen baseballs and $2,500
b. a rookie-level minor league team they were disbanding any-
c. their double-A team head groundskeeper
4) Joel Youngblood pulled off something no other player had 
ever done in the history of baseball. What was it?
a. struck out 11 times in one game (18 innings)
b. got a hit for two different major league teams on the same 
c. hit a home run in every at bat in 2 straight games (9 total 
5) Pitcher Buck O'Brien went 20-13 for Boston in 1912. After 
giving up only 2 runs in 8 innings in game 3 of the World Series, 
he got off to a bad start in game 6 by giving up 5 runs in the 
first inning. For this, his teammates...
a. forced him to drink a pint of whiskey to calm down
b. forced him to be the "batboy" the rest of the game
c. beat him up after the game

6) Atlanta Braves pitcher John Smoltz once burned his chest 
in a bizarre fashion. How did he get burned?
a. he leaned over a hot charcoal grill reaching for a spatula
b. he fell asleep by his pool, with a magnifying glass on his 
c. he tried to iron his shirt while he was wearing it
7) Who said, "Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."
a. Yogi Berra   b. Bill "Spaceman" Lee   c. Jim "Gumby" Gantner

8) Baseball Hall of Fame pitcher Hoyt Wilhelm did something in 
the first game he played that he didn't do again in his entire 
21 year career. What was it?
a. struck out the first batter of the game
b. hit a home run
c. threw 18 pitches before being pulled, having thrown no 
And now for a trio of bizarre baseball bits...
9) Edd Roush once fell asleep in the outfield during a game, 
Ed Stewart once swung the bat so hard he knocked himself out, 
and Dan Friend once...
a. "ran" the bases after hitting a homer by walking on his 
b. intentionally threw up on the home plate umpire
c. played left field in a robe

Answers below, here's the scoring:
9 correct: Perfection!
7-8 correct: Outstanding
5-6 correct: Very Good
2-4 correct: Fairly Fair
0-1 correct: Turn the TV off.
1) b. walked
2) a. Harry Chiti (Harry Chiti for Harry Chiti)
3) a. twelve dozen baseballs and $2,500
4) b. got a hit for two different major league teams on the 
      same day
5) c. beat him up after the game
6) c. ironing his shirt while he was wearing it
7) a. Yogi Berra
8) b. hit a home run
9) c. played left field in a robe


COMPUTER TIPS - Spyware Quake

I was surfing the web and clicked a link to read a review of
something, although I don't remember what, when I new icon 
appeared on my system tray, and a message popped up saying my 
computer was infected with a virus! It also had the message 
to "click here" for a detection and removal tool.
I'm pretty careful, and I was very suspicious of the virus 
warning because it didn't look like my antivirus program and 
especially because it offered a link to a solution within the 
warning. So I did some research.
Spyware Quake was the recommended program to remove the virus. 
It's a fake antivirus software program, and the "virus" I 
received was malware that was automatically installed on my 
computer when the bogus web site loaded. From what I read, 
this fake antivirus warning is just a lousy gimmick to sell 
the fake software.

It caused a lot of problems for me that I still haven't 
gotten completely fixed. My antivirus software did catch it, 
but some damage was done before it was quarantined. Educate 
yourself. Search for Spyware Quake on the web and read up 
about it. Here's a good place to start that includes screen-
Disclaimer: Advice in this column is presented as infor-
mational and is true to the best of my knowledge. Any 
decisions to follow this advice is your responsibility. 
Your computer, your choice.

Until next week, remember these words of Plato: Be kind, for 
everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Have an interesting day, Simon

Questions? Comments? Email me at: tutor@gophercentral.com


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