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Publication: Gopher Bits
Time is relative in my house.

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           GOPHER BITS - Friday, January 5, 2007
 Over 4,000,000 readers subscribe to our F-R-E-E newsletters 
    entire selection visit: http://www.gophercentral.com


What? Another year already? And I was just getting the hang 
of the last one. Well, if there is one thing that is 
inevitable it is that time moves forward...unless you sub-
scribe to Einsteinian theory in which case time is relative 
to your motion in space. Or unless you're my son whom my 
wife is going to slap into next week if he pushes his little 
sister down one more time. 



P.S. If you're interested we now have a forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Forum


     ?                                                ?
     ? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
     ?                                                ?


The bottom heats,   
The top cools,   
And little blobs   
Swim in my pools   

I can be different colours,   
And be a source of light,   
A bedroom accessory,   
I light up the night!   

What am I?


"Lois, Pulitzer Prizes are like Academy Awards, nobody 
remembers what you got one for, just that you got one."

              *** Answers at the bottom! *** 

**  For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a  **
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The Daily Tease
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Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia

Subscribe to Film Quotes 

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********************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *********************

Kids For Demi & Ashton?...   

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are not ruling out the   
possibility of kids in the future.   

Despite many cynics placing bets on the shelf life of the   
couple when they married in a lavish Kabbalah ceremony in   
2005, Demi and Ashton may be planning to hear the pitter-   
patter of tiny feet around their LA and Idaho homes.   

Word is the plans were discussed with Vanity Fair... A   
new child would make it almost 16 years since Demi posed   
seven months pregnant and naked on the cover of the magazine   
to much media attention.   

Demi, 44, already has three daughters with Bruce Willis.   
They are 18, 15 and 13.

Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz

*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK **************** 

------------ Man Appears At Own Funeral, Alive -------------

NEW DELHI, A confused Umkdait, India, man showed up at his 
own funeral after family members mistakenly identified a body 
as his. Frankie Synnah had been reported missing by his wife, 
Bold Kharjana, after he lost contact with his family Dec. 27, 
the Press Trust of India reported Sunday. Nongmyngsong police 
told the family a man similar to Synnah's description was in 
the morgue of the Civil Hospital, and the man's brother and 
nephew identified the body as Synnah's. However, the real 
Frankie Synnah had traveled to Guwahati for work and was 
staying with a friend. He told police he had attempted to 
contact his wife after arriving in Guwahati, but was unable 
to reach her by phone. Kharjana said Synnah's unexpected 
arrival at the service made her "the happiest person in the 
world." The family returned the unidentified body to the 

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********************* WEEKLY JOKES ********************** 


I was just reading about Priapus, the Greek mythological god   
of fertility. He was the son of Dionysus and Aphrodite. Like   
every other deity the Greeks created, he had a part time job.   
He was supposed to watch over the vineyards and the herds.   

Folks, I think I've found the origins of bestiality here. They   
took the young, virile son of the god of the vine and the   
goddess of love, and surrounded him with the sweet, fermented   
nectar of grapes, then stuck him in the middle of a field and   
told him to keep an eye on the sheep. I mean, come on. It   
doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened next.   

Hrmph. Priapus. And here I always thought that that was what   
you did with a reluctant date.

      (WARNING! Contains adult humor and language) 

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The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and   
primary student residence of the small Catholic university   
where I work was about to be demolished. As the wrecker's   
ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness ex-   
perienced by one of the older monks whose order had founded   
the college.   

"This must be difficult to watch, Father," I said. "The   
tradition associated with that building, the memories of   
all the students and monks who lived and worked there. I   
can't imagine how hard this must be for you."   

"It's worse than that," the monk replied. "I think I left   
my PalmPilot in there."

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******************** WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP *********************

           Two Funny Rodents - Cool Animation

From the popular animated movie Ice Age 2 - The Meltdown, 
check out the two opossums Crash and Eddie as they do what 
they do best. The voices of Crash and Eddie were done by 
Seann William Scott and Josh Peck.

View it at: Two Funny Rodents

More great videos for every interest at: www.evtv1.com

    ?                                                  ?
    ? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
    ?                                                  ?


The bottom heats,   
The top cools,   
And little blobs   
Swim in my pools   

I can be different colours,   
And be a source of light,   
A bedroom accessory,   
I light up the night!   

What am I?

TEASE ANSWER: A lava lamp.


"Lois, Pulitzer Prizes are like Academy Awards, nobody 
remembers what you got one for, just that you got one."


- Frank Langella as Perry White in "Superman Returns"

           GopherCentral's Question of the Week 

             Do you agree with Saddam's hanging?

 Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week

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