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Violent behavior modification experiments.

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           GOPHER BITS - Friday, October 13, 2006
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I recently picked up an old favorite on DVD, "The Great 
Outdoors" with the late, great John Candy and SNL alumnus 
Dan Aykroyd. In my opinion one of the best comedies ever 
put on film. Just for you folks I actually sat down and 
transcribed one of the funniest scenes in the movie. 

This is shortly after John Candy as Uncle Chet scared the 
hell out of the entire family with the bald bear story. 
Uncle Roman goes upstairs to his little girls' bedroom to 
tuck them in and reassure them that there is nothing to be 
frightened of. A great quote for Friday the 13th, I think. 

  "Good Evening. How's it going? Listen girls, ah, as 
  your father I feel it incumbent upon me to set the 
  record straight on the validity of the tale that 
  Uncle Chet shared with us this evening. I know that 
  a terrifying story like that, coming from the mouth 
  of a recognized authority figure, can be traumatizing 
  for kids like yourselves. I know that because I had 
  a similar experience with my Uncle Roy and a story he 
  used to tell about a family that went into the woods 
  and was attacked by a band of escaped army psychiatric 
  patients who had been subjected to violent, hellish, 
  torturous behavior modification experiments. It seems 
  they escaped from the metal boxes the army kept them 
  in, found this family in the woods, fell upon them, 
  slaughtered them and ate them. Now, that story gave 
  me nightmares not to be believed. I don't want Uncle 
  Chet's bear story to upset you in the same way. I'm 
  here to say that there actually is no bear and that 
  all of what Uncle Chet was saying was just a yarn 
  spinning for our entertainment." 

   --Dan Aykroyd as Uncle Roman in "The Great Outdoors"


P.S. If you're interested we now have a forum. You can post 
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     ?                                                ?
     ? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
     ?                                                ?


A new medical building containing 100 offices had just been 
completed. Mark was hired to paint the numbers 1 to 100 on 
the doors. How many times will Mark have to paint the number 


"We'd have more luck playing pick-up sticks with our butt-
cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before 

              *** Answers at the bottom! *** 

**  For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a  **
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********************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *********************

Paris Seeks Restraining Order Against Shanna Moakler...

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*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK **************** 

-------------- A Baby By Any Other Name... -----------------

BILOXI, Miss. - Attention all pregnant mothers - if your 
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Real had promised her husband that if they had a son he could 
pick the name. Well, she made good on her promise, and ESPN 
Montana Real was brought into the world this week. Proud papa 
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********************* WEEKLY JOKES ********************** 


Mary: "My last boyfriend said he fantasized about having 
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      (WARNING! Contains adult humor and language) 

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******************** WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP *********************

        Invasion of The Christmas Crabs: Part II

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More great videos for every interest at:  www.evtv1.com 

    ?                                                  ?
    ? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
    ?                                                  ?


A new medical building containing 100 offices had just been 
completed. Mark was hired to paint the numbers 1 to 100 on 
the doors. How many times will Mark have to paint the number 

TEASE ANSWER: 20 times

9, 19, 29, 39, 49, 59, 69, 79, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 
96, 97, 98, 99


"We'd have more luck playing pick-up sticks with our butt-
cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before 


- John Candy as Del Griffith in "Planes, Trains & Automobiles"

           GopherCentral's Question of the Week 

               Should Dennis Hastert resign?

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