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A nice, Fall Mother\'s Day.

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             GOPHER BITS - Friday, May 12, 2006
 Over 4,000,000 readers subscribe to our F-R-E-E newsletters 
    entire selection visit: http://www.gophercentral.com

Comment The Post Below...


It looks like we've skipped over summer and went straight 
from spring to fall. The high today should be around 46 
degrees. But with a little luck it will skyrocket into the 
lower fifties for the weekend. Unfortunately the rain is 
supposed to continue straight through Sunday. 

Speaking of Sunday, I have to remind myself to order some 
flowers for Mother's Day. We have to spread ourselves thin 
on Mother's Day because my mother and my wife's mother 
don't exactly get along. It's not that they would attack 
each others' throats if they were in the same room together, 
but they're just sort of stiff and uncomfortable around 
each other. So instead of trying to get everybody together 
we usually just spend half the day driving around the city 
and visiting. I don't mind because both of our mothers are 
pretty good cooks and the wife doesn't have to spend any 
time in the kitchen. So everybody wins! 


P.S. If you're interested we now have a blog. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Blog


     ?                                                ?
     ? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
     ?                                                ?

TEASE: 5, 6, 5, 6, 5, 5, 7, 6...what comes next? 

Hint: Each number represents the number of letters in a 
different word.


"Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear 
about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid 
which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I 
don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to 
fear and respect that escalator."

              *** Answers at the bottom! *** 

**  For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a  **
                    F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!

The Daily Tease
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Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia

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******************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *******************

Bruce Willis Refuses Halle Berry Sex Scene...

Bruce Willis has refused to film a sex scene with Halle 
Berry because she is too gorgeous. 

Bruce, who stars with Halle in the upcoming film 'Perfect 
Stranger,' made Halle act out the racy scenes alone 
because he was scared he would get too awkward.

Bruce said: "I get all awkward. She's beautiful. It's 
almost like looking at an eclipse of the sun. 

"You have to poke a pin through a card and look at her 
through that. She's so stunning you could damage your 

[There's something seriously wrong with this dude.]

Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz

************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK *************** 

------ Doing Homework Has Never Been This Much Fun ---------

MCSHERRYSTOWN, Pa. - A Pennsylvania mother offered a tempt-
ing but illegal incentive to get her 13-year-old son to do 
his homework - she rewarded him by smoking marijuana with 
him. During police questioning, Amanda Lynn Livelsberger, 
30, said she had been sharing her marijuana with her son 
after school since he was 11, and said she had also smoked 
dope with two of his school friends. The boy said his mother 
told him if he smoked marijuana he would forget about his 
father who was in prison for selling and smoking crack. She 
also told him that smoking marijuana would not hurt him 
like cigarettes would, the York (Pa.) Daily Record reported.

Subscribe to Bizarre News

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******************* WEEKLY JOKES ******************** 


One morning a man comes into the church on crutches. He 
stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it 
on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches. 

An altar boy witnessed the scene and runs into the rectory 
to tell the priest what he'd just seen. 

Without batting an eye, the priest says, "Son, you've just 
witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?" 

"Over by the holy water, Father. Flat on his ass."

      (WARNING! Contains adult humor and language) 

Subscribe to Laff A Day


A woman was at home with her children when the telephone 
rang. In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed 
for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. 
It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the 

As it fell, it hit the family dog, which leaped up, howling 
and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by 
this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some 
colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver 
and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's 
voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but 
it certainly sounds as if I have the right number."

Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS 

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****************** WEEKL VIDEO CLIP *******************

Snow Monkeys Gone Wild Pt. 1
In 1972 a group of snow monkeys were relocated from Japan 
to Texas and this population of monkeys has adapted from 
their original snowy mountain home to this desert habitat 
surprisingly well. 

View it at: Snow Monkeys Gone Wild

    ?                                                  ?
    ? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
    ?                                                  ?

TEASE: 5, 6, 5, 6, 5, 5, 7, 6...what comes next? 


The number of letters in the words: 

First 5 
Second 6 
Third 5 
Fourth 6 
Fifth 5 
Sixth 5 
Seventh 7 
Eighth 6 
Ninth 5 
Tenth 5


"Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear 
about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid 
which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I 
don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to 
fear and respect that escalator." 

MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER: Jason Lee as Brodie Bruce in "Mallrats"

           GopherCentral's Question of the Week 

 Have you voted for any American Idol candidate this year?

 Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week

To view recent issues please visit: Gopher Bits Archives
More Free Fun & Amusement by email: www.gophercentral.com


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