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A little \"me\" time.

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             GOPHER BITS - Friday, May 19, 2006
 Over 4,000,000 readers subscribe to our F-R-E-E newsletters 
for NEWS, FACTS, TRIVIA, HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT! To browse our 
    entire selection visit: http://www.gophercentral.com
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Comment The Post Below...


Greetings, 

The wife has a long and busy weekend planned for herself. 
She has a birthday party to attend, and then the next day 
a baby shower and a wedding shower. Fortunately for me 
these are all "girl" events which means I get to spend 
most of the weekend home by myself. I'll be lucky if I 
even get around to taking a shower at all. 

Campbell
campbell@gophercentral.com

P.S. If you're interested we now have a blog. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Blog

==============================================

     ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? 
     ?                                                ?
     ? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
     ?                                                ?
     ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? 


TEASE: 

A girl was writing a note in math class. On her desk were 
a pencil, a protractor, a blank sheet of paper, and a 
calculator. The teacher came near and looked for evidence 
that she wasn't paying attention, but could not find any. 
There was nothing in her pockets, desk, etc. She was guilty 
of writing the note. How did she get away with it?


MOVIE QUOTE: 

"I am not what is called a civilized man, Professor. I have 
done with society for reasons that seem good to me. There-
fore, I do not obey its laws." 


              *** Answers at the bottom! *** 

**  For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a  **
                    F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!

The Daily Tease
 
Subscribe to The Daily Tease

Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia

Subscribe to Film Quotes 


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******************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *******************

More Evidence J-Lo is Pregnant...

Jennifer Lopez pregnancy rumors are heating up after Jennifer 
appeared at the ALMA Awards in Los Angeles, sporting what 
appeared to be a small bump and telltale grey roots. The 
following day, Jennifer abruptly cancelled her first concert 
tour without giving an explanation, further fuelling rumors 
of a pregnancy. 

Sources are saying she is three months pregnant and that the 
baby will be born around Christmas. Husband Marc Anthony spoke 
publicly of having a baby with Jennifer at the event saying, 
"I'm looking forward to starting a family."


Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz


************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK *************** 

----------- Transsexual Fakes It For 17 Years --------------

LONDON - A heiress who was married to her husband for 17 
years has discovered after all this time that her man is 
actually a woman. Her transsexual spouse, referred to in 
court as Mr. J, concealed his true gender from her for 17 
years, using a home-made part of the anatomy for sex. The 
marriage was nullified when the wife, Mrs. C, found out his 
true identity, and the Court of Appeal ruled that Mr. J is 
not legally a parent of her 14-year-old daughter born from 
donor sperm. At a hearing in 1996, Lord Justice Ward thought 
many people would find it surprising that in 17 years of 
marriage Mrs. C did not realize she was living with a woman.


Subscribe to Bizarre News


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******************* WEEKLY JOKES ******************** 

LAFF A DAY: 

I watched an ant climb a blade of grass this morning. When he 
reached the top, his weight bent the blade down to the ground. 
Then, twisting his thorax with insectile precision, he 

grabbed hold of the next blade. In this manner, he traveled 
across the lawn, covering as much distance vertically as he 
did horizontally, which amused and delighted me.

And then, all at once, I had what is sometimes called an 
"epiphany", a moment of heightened awareness in which 
everything becomes clear. Yes, hunched over that ant on my 
hands and knees, I suddenly knew what I had to do... Quit 
drinking before noon.


      (WARNING! Contains adult humor and language) 


Subscribe to Laff A Day


CLEAN LAFFS: 

When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters 
for my car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display 
near the checkout counter. 

During one trip, some women in line behind me were oohing 
and aahing about a husband getting flowers for his wife. 

"How often do you do that?" one asked. Before I could answer, 
the cashier, more than familiar with my routine, said, 
"Every three months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first."

 
Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS


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------------------------------------------------------------


****************** WEEKL VIDEO CLIP *******************

The Pink Panther - I Would Like to Buy a Hamburger

Comedian Steve Martin stars in the comedy The Pink Panther. 
Clouseau is trying to learn to speak American English before 
heading to New York and fails to master 'I would like to buy 
a hamburger' without an accent. One of the movies funniest 
scenes! 

View it at: The Pink Panther



    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????
    ?                                                  ?
    ? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
    ?                                                  ?
    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????



TEASE: 

A girl was writing a note in math class. On her desk were 
a pencil, a protractor, a blank sheet of paper, and a 
calculator. The teacher came near and looked for evidence 
that she wasn't paying attention, but could not find any. 
There was nothing in her pockets, desk, etc. She was guilty 
of writing the note. How did she get away with it?

TEASE ANSWER: 

The calculator was a graphing one. Most graphing calculators 
have a function that allows you to type letters. She had been 
typing out a message on it, and hit clear when the teacher 
was coming.


MOVIE QUOTE: 

"I am not what is called a civilized man, Professor. I have 
done with society for reasons that seem good to me. There-
fore, I do not obey its laws." 

MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER: 

James Mason as Captain Nemo in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" 


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           GopherCentral's Question of the Week 

Do you have a problem with the NSA monitoring your phone 
calls?

 Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week
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