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Publication: Gopher Bits
A mild case of holiday rage.

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           GOPHER BITS - Friday, December 22, 2006
 Over 4,000,000 readers subscribe to our F-R-E-E newsletters 
for NEWS, FACTS, TRIVIA, HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT! To browse our 
    entire selection visit: http://www.gophercentral.com
------------------------------------------------------------

Greetings, 

Here it is, the day before the day before Christmas. Or, as 
I've heard it referred to, Christmas Eve squared. It has 
been an absolute madhouse around our place the last couple 
of days, and it's only going to get worse. My poor wife is 
succumbing to 'holiday rage.' Last night she yelled, actually 
yelled at me, for buying low-fat egg nog. 

Maybe I will distract her annoyance and frustration by giving 
her the really cool toaster oven I bought her for Christmas 
early. That'll take her mind off of things. 

As a little Christmas present from me to you, I dug up a 
quote from one of my favorite Christmas movies. 

   "All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night 
   before Christmas, and all through the house, 
   not a creature was stirring, except for the 
   four a__holes coming in the rear in standard 
   two-by-two cover formation." 

     --Clarence Gilyard Jr. as Theo in "Die Hard"

Happy holiday! 

Campbell
campbell@gophercentral.com

P.S. If you're interested we now have a forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Forum


=======================================================

     ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? 
     ?                                                ?
     ? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
     ?                                                ?
     ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? 


TEASE: 

A man owns a theater with 100 seats. He charges men 5 cents 
for admission, women pay 2 cents, and children may enter at  
the rate of 1 penny for 10 children (the children must be in 
groups of 10). On one particular day, he fills all 100 seats 
with paying customers, and when he counts the admission fees, 
he finds that he has made exactly one dollar. How many men, 
how many women, and how many children attended the show?


MOVIE QUOTE: 

"I understand that you little guys start out with your 
woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they 
are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. 
You're out on the street trying to score an electric 
blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, 
you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious." 


              *** Answers at the bottom! *** 

**  For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a  **
                    F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!

The Daily Tease
 
Subscribe to The Daily Tease

Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia

Subscribe to Film Quotes 


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********************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *********************

Mel Laughs Off Lovechild Claims...

Mel Gibson has played down suggestions he has a love child 
insisting he knows nothing about the recent claims. 

Carmel Sloane, 29, alleges her mother Marlyn was picked up 
by Mel when she was hitchhiking in Australia in 1976. 

She says Mel, who then worked at an orange juice factory in 
Adelaide, apparently picked her mother up then had a steamy 
interlude with her in the back of his wagon - but Marilyn, 
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Carmel told a British tabloid, "We have no choice but to 
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However Mel, who has seven children with wife Robyn, denies 
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And it has been revealed that Carmel Sloane was paid $20,000 
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*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK **************** 

--------------------- Warning: You're Fat -------------------

Naveed Sattar, a professor in the U.K. stated this week in The 
British Medical Journal that health warning labels should be 
placed on larger sized clothing. By telling those who wear 
these sized clothes of the health risks that correspond with 
their size, he hopes to educate the public in what he calls an 
obesity crisis. According to the British Medical Journal, more 
than half of the population is obese, and Sattar says that 
there should be political intervention. The labels would be 
sewn into all clothes with waist sizes over 37 inches for boys 
or 31 inches for girls. Women's clothes over size 16 would 
also get a label. The label would include a warning complete 
with help-line numbers.


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********************* WEEKLY JOKES ********************** 

LAFF A DAY: 

The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a 
deserted island.  Then one morning he was thrilled to see 
a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. 

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge 
handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told 
him, "With the captain's compliments.  He said to read 
through these and let us know if you still want to be 
rescued."


      (WARNING! Contains adult humor and language) 


Subscribe to Laff A Day


CLEAN LAFFS: 

My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping   
would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.   

Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice   
while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see   
how he was managing, and he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted   
it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards,   
scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had   
a bath."   

I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager   
than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making   
the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer   
before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do   
all the rest."

 
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******************** WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP *********************

                     Trump vs. Rosie

The feud is on... Rosie O'Donnell made some disparaging 
remarks about Donald Trump on The View and The Donald 
doesn't take it lightly. See what Rosie said and how 
Trump responds. Celebrity feuds... You gotta love 'em.

View it at: Trump vs. Rosie


More great videos for every interest at: www.evtv1.com


    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????
    ?                                                  ?
    ? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
    ?                                                  ?
    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????



TEASE: 

A man owns a theater with 100 seats. He charges men 5 cents 
for admission, women pay 2 cents, and children may enter at  
the rate of 1 penny for 10 children (the children must be in 
groups of 10). On one particular day, he fills all 100 seats 
with paying customers, and when he counts the admission fees, 
he finds that he has made exactly one dollar. How many men, 
how many women, and how many children attended the show?

TEASE ANSWER: 

11 Men, 19 Women, and 70 Children attended the show.


MOVIE QUOTE: 

"I understand that you little guys start out with your 
woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they 
are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. 
You're out on the street trying to score an electric 
blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, 
you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious." 

MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER: 

Michael Keaton as Jack Butler in "Mr. Mom"


------------------------------------------------------------
           GopherCentral's Question of the Week 

             Should we end our embargo of Cuba?

 Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------

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