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Am I the last sane man?

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           GOPHER BITS - Friday, November 17, 2006
 Over 4,000,000 readers subscribe to our F-R-E-E newsletters 
    entire selection visit: http://www.gophercentral.com


The wife has discovered what she believes is the perfect 
Christmas gift for our two-year-old daughter. It is a 
Mickey Mouse play set which runs about $50. I was aghast 
at the thought of dropping fifty bucks on a gift for a 
child who would be just as thrilled with a ball of colored 
yarn, but then the wife told me that the play set does not 
come with any of the figures of accessories. The complete 
play set with everything would run about $150! 

So my question is...should I just hide all of her credit 
cards and the checkbook or should I actually try to reason 
with her and risk creating a confrontation which will 
result in me sleeping on the couch until sometime in mid-


P.S. If you're interested we now have a forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Forum


     ?                                                ?
     ? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
     ?                                                ?

TEASE: What phrase is represented by this rebus?

The Emu says nothing to me. 
The Ostrich says nothing to me. 
The Pelican says nothing to me. 
The American Golden Eagle says nothing to me. 
The Condor says nothing to me. 
A Quail speaks to me.


"They say time is the fire in which we burn. Right now, 
Captain, my time is running out. We leave so many things 
unfinished in our lives."

              *** Answers at the bottom! *** 

**  For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a  **
                    F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!

The Daily Tease
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Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia

Subscribe to Film Quotes 

*** We Just Came Here To Do The Super Bowl Shuffle ***

Here it is...the 20th Anniversary edition of the Chicago 
Bears Super Bowl Shuffle. This is a must have for any 
sports fan, whether you're a Bears fan or not. This DVD 
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history. And still to this day we haven't seen a defense 
as strong since the 1985 Chicago Bears. For a limited time 
this DVD is available for just $9.99. Order by visiting: 

Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle DVD

********************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *********************

Mike Tyson To Become A Male Escort?

Word is former boxing champion Mike Tyson will become a male 
escort after agreeing to work at legendary Hollywood madam 
Heidi Fleiss' new legalized brothel for women. Heidi bought 
60 acres of land in Nevada and construction work is scheduled 
to begin on Heidi's Stud Farm. She has high hopes for Tyson, 
once heavyweight champion of the world despite the fact he is 
a convicted rapist. She says, "I told him, 'You're going to 
be my big stallion.' "It's every man's fear that their girl-
friend will go for Mike Tyson." 

Tyson adds, "I don't care what any man says, it's every man's 
dream to please every woman - and get paid for it."

Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz

*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK **************** 

------------------ Kicking up a stink --------------------

A US family is suing Greyhound after the contents of a bus 
toilet were dumped through their open car sunroof. Robert 
and Angela Stokes and their three children, aged nine, ten 
and 22, were covered with faeces, urine and toilet paper, 
reports the Toledo Blade. The family, from Ottawa County, 
Ohio, were returning from a Mother's Day meal out at a Toledo 
restaurant when it happened. They were following a Greyhound 
bus on an interstate highway when the contents of the bus's 
sanitary tank were suddenly dumped on their 4x4 vehicle. The 
waste went through the open windows and sunroof of their Ford 
Explorer, drenching all five family members. "My client was 
driving in heavy traffic. They had nowhere to go. What can you 
do?'' said Robert Bryce, an attorney for the family. Despite 
being covered with waste, Mr. Stokes followed the bus to obtain 
its identification information and registration number. The 
Stokes are seeking more than £150,000 damages from Greyhound 
for damage to the vehicle and their clothing, plus medical 
treatment and testing for infectious diseases. Mr. Bryce said 
the Stokes' vehicle was declared a total loss by their 
insurance company because the stench and filth couldn't be 
removed, even though the interior was steam-cleaned several 

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********************* WEEKLY JOKES ********************** 


A white guy was having trouble satisfying his wife, so he 
went to his black buddy at work for advice. 

"Listen," said the inept white guy, "I know you soul 
brothers always satisfy your women. How do you do it?" 

"Oh, dat ain't no problem," said his friend. "What I does 
is stick it in 'em real slow, and then pull it out from 'em 
real fast. Keep doin' that and dey come every time." 

The white guy went home that night and tried his friend's 
technique out. He stuck it in real slow, and then pulled it 
out real fast, just like his buddy said. After a while he 
asked his wife, "Honey, do notice anything different about 
the way I'm doing it?" 

"Yeah," she said, "you’re screwing just like black guy."

      (WARNING! Contains adult humor and language) 

Subscribe to Laff A Day


One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near 
Chicago.  When he turned onto the street at the end of the 
ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his 
car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his 
car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of 
his car. 

So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a com-
munity service by giving the driver his chicken.  So he 
pulled him over, walked up to the car,  pulled the bucket 
off the roof and offered it to the driver. 

The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just 
bought some."

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******************** WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP *********************

            American Names - Charlton Heston

Film great Charlton Heston charms the posh British audience 
at the inaugural concert of the 1991 Salisbury Festival with 
a recitation of the poem 'American Names' by author Steven 
Vincent Benet.

View it at: American Names - Charlton Heston

More great videos for every interest at:  www.evtv1.com 

    ?                                                  ?
    ? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
    ?                                                  ?

TEASE: What phrase is represented by this rebus?

The Emu says nothing to me. 
The Ostrich says nothing to me. 
The Pelican says nothing to me. 
The American Golden Eagle says nothing to me. 
The Condor says nothing to me. 
A Quail speaks to me.

TEASE ANSWER: A little bird told me. 

The first 5 species of bird in this rebus are very large 
in size and weight. The Quail, on the other hand, is a 
very small bird compared to the others.


"They say time is the fire in which we burn. Right now, 
Captain, my time is running out. We leave so many things 
unfinished in our lives."


-- Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Soran in "Star Trek: Generations"

           GopherCentral's Question of the Week 

Are you happy that the Democrats are in control of the House?

 Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week

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