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           GOPHER BITS - Friday, December 15, 2006
 Over 4,000,000 readers subscribe to our F-R-E-E newsletters 
for NEWS, FACTS, TRIVIA, HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT! To browse our 
    entire selection visit: http://www.gophercentral.com
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Greetings, 

The wife came up with what she thought was a very clever 
idea this week. She found a company that will call your 
house pretending to be Santa Claus and ask to speak to 
YOUR CHILD'S NAME HERE. They then go through pretty much 
the same schpiel that a mall Santa would; have you been 
good this year? What kind of presents do you want? etc... 

I was opposed to the idea based upon the fact that it cost 
nine bucks for a five minute phone call (that's over a 
hundred bucks an hour...I may be in the wrong racket)! But 
when the wife lights upon an idea it's hard to dissuade 
her. 

So the call for the young'un finally came last night and 
the wife listened in on the extension to make sure Santa 
wasn't sexually harassing the boy, or anything.

When she finally came into the room where I was watching TV 
she had an incredulous look on her face. "You won't believe 
what kind of Santa we got!" she said. 

"Why?" I asked. "Was he some kind of pervert or something? 
Did you have to hang up on him?" 

"No. But he was Indian! We got an Indian Santa." 

"So what." I said. "The boy doesn't know the difference." 

Campbell
campbell@gophercentral.com

P.S. If you're interested we now have a forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Forum


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     ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? 
     ?                                                ?
     ? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
     ?                                                ?
     ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? 


TEASE: 

What is the largest amount of money you can have in coins 
and still not be able to make change for a dollar?


MOVIE QUOTE: 

"You're a... You're a complex Freudian hallucination having 
something to do with my mother, and I don't know why you 
have wings, but you have very lovely legs, and you're a 
very nice tiny person, and what am I saying, I don't know 
who my mother was--I'm an orphan--and I've never taken 
drugs, because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant."


              *** Answers at the bottom! *** 

**  For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a  **
                    F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!

The Daily Tease
 
Subscribe to The Daily Tease

Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia

Subscribe to Film Quotes 


------------------------------------------------------------
      ----- Amos 'N Andy Complete Collection -----
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Okay folks, if you are a lover of the classic Amos 'N Andy
television series, this is for YOU. Not only are all 71
episodes contained in this brilliant collection, but also
all of the radio shows, as well as the feature "Check and
Double Check".

Amos 'N Andy will never be run on television again due to
political correctness, but this is a piece of television
history and probably one of the funniest shows ever aired.
This collection was lovingly restored by archivists and now
can be yours for only $79.99... PLUS, you get 300+ radio 
shows included. Making this waaaaaay Less than $1 per episode. 
Order your DVD collection today, you will treasure it forever. 

Amos n' Andy Complete DVD Collection
------------------------------------------------------------


********************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *********************

Everybody Loves Pete... 

One of TV's best-loved actors, Peter Boyle, has died.

'The Everybody Loves Raymond' star lost his long battle with 
heart disease and bone marrow cancer on Tuesday night. 

Boyle, 71, played the role of curmudgeonly Frank Barone in the 
hit US TV show. 

He passed away at New York Presbyterian Hospital, his publicist
Jennifer Plante confirmed. 

Boyle grew up in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and was introduced 
to showbiz at an early age, as his father was the host of a 
local children's TV show. 

He had a string of movie roles, including the part of a monster 
in Mel Brooks' 1974 'Young Frankenstein'.


Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz


*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK **************** 

--------- Texas Bill: Let Blind Hunters Use Lasers ---------   
   
AUSTIN, Texas - A lawmaker in this firearm-friendly state   
wants to help more people get the chance to shoot live animals   
even if those people can't see. A bill filed for the 2007   
legislative session would permit legally blind hunters to use   
laser sights, or lighted pointing instruments. "This opens up   
the fun of hunting to additional people, and I think that's   
great," said Republican Rep. Edmund Kuempel. Visually impaired   
people are allowed to shoot now with the aid of a sighted   
person, he said, a requirement that would continue if the   
sights were legalized. "I've seen this on TV before, when   
they're taking target practice," Kuempel said. "When they aim   
the gun, the guide tells them, aim two inches higher or two   
inches lower and you're on the target, and you're off and   
running." Kuempel's bill would give the state until Jan. 1,   
2008, to come up with a definition of legally blind so the law   
could be enforced. Under existing law, the use of laser sights,   
spotlights and headlights is strictly prohibited in all Texas   
hunting. The practice can have the effect of making animals   
stand still as the light shines on them. Hunters using sights   
under the proposed legislation would have to carry proof that   
they are legally blind. The Legislature convenes Jan. 9 for   
its 140-day session.


Subscribe to Bizarre News


FOREVER FLASHLIGHT - Easy To Use And Lasts FOREVER...

Plain and simple no home or car should be without this. And
to ensure it is affordable, we have slashed the price from
$14.99 to JUST $7.99. 

SPECIAL BONUS: We're including an additional flashlight... 
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need. Built-in battery provides up to 50 hours of light in 
between charging (by simply squeezing the handle a few time). 
Perfect for emergency kit, car, camping and blackouts. Grab
one or two... Makes a Great Gift. Visit: 

Forever Flashlight - Easy To Use & Lasts FOREVER


********************* WEEKLY JOKES ********************** 

LAFF A DAY: 

A young camper at summer camp asked the chaplain if   
"hard on" was hyphenated.   

The chaplain replies, "What in heaven's name are you   
writing home about!"   

The young boy says, "I'm telling Mom and Dad about the   
project we worked so 'hard on'."


      (WARNING! Contains adult humor and language) 


Subscribe to Laff A Day


CLEAN LAFFS: 

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross   
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged   
co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer   
was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when   
the light is red.   

She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people   
doing driving?!"

 
Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS 


------------------------------------------------------------
DRUM FRENZY - Roll Up Drum Set - The Gift EVERYONE Loves...

Store Price: $99.99
OUR PRICE: $59.99

Better than a full set of drums but only a fraction of the 
cost and size. Each of the four (4) different drums can be 
adjusted to eight (8) different tones, including cymbals, 
providing 32 DIFFERENT SOUNDS. Includes:

- 30 preset rhythms
- 10 demo songs to play along with 
- 20 preset drum combinations 
- Volume adjustment
- Tempo adjustment. 
- Headphone jack to practice with privacy. 
- Complete with detailed instructions. 

Folds for storage or easy transport. A gift that any music
lover or would-be musician will love. 

Drum Frenzy - Roll Up Drum Set
------------------------------------------------------------


******************** WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP *********************

      Deep Ocean Impressions - Sea Turtle & Jellyfish

Come watch the wonder and beauty of this sea turtle in his 
natural habitat. He appears to just float in the water when 
he swims and gets a little too close to a huge jellyfish.

View it at: Deep Ocean Impressions


More great videos for every interest at: www.evtv1.com


    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????
    ?                                                  ?
    ? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
    ?                                                  ?
    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????



TEASE: 

What is the largest amount of money you can have in coins 
and still not be able to make change for a dollar?

TEASE ANSWER: 

Three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, for a total 
of $1.19.


MOVIE QUOTE: 

"You're a... You're a complex Freudian hallucination having 
something to do with my mother, and I don't know why you 
have wings, but you have very lovely legs, and you're a 
very nice tiny person, and what am I saying, I don't know 
who my mother was--I'm an orphan--and I've never taken 
drugs, because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant." 

MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER: Robin Williams as Peter Banning in "Hook"


------------------------------------------------------------
           GopherCentral's Question of the Week 

        Do you think the US spied on Princess Diana?

 Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------

To see more issues please visit: Gopher Bits Archives
More Free Fun & Amusement by email: www.gophercentral.com

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END OF GOPHER BITS - Another FREE Gopher Central publication 
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