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Publication: Dear Abby
Girlfriend Fears Her Love May Fade With Man's Thinning Hair

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         ABBY - May 21, 2008 
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GIRLFRIEND FEARS HER LOVE MAY FADE WITH MAN'S THINNING HAIR

ABBY: I am not sure how to handle my boyfriend's hair loss. 
"Jasper" is 34 and I'm 23. We have been dating for two years 
and have a wonderful relationship. We are completely open 
to each other, and because of that, I feel backed into a 
corner regarding this subject.

Hair loss is such a tricky topic. Women aren't supposed to 
care, but in reality we do -- unless you're one of those 
rare women who enjoy bald heads. (I'm not one of them.) 
Although Jasper's hair loss is barely noticeable now, 
without some sort of plan it will probably take over in a 
few years.

Jasper is self-conscious about his thinning hair. I can 
tell he's worried, but he doesn't want to do anything about 
it. I care more about Jasper's feelings than his hair, so 
I haven't let him know how much it bothers me, although he 
asks me often. 

His type of hair loss is treatable. I find him very 
attractive now, but I don't know how I will feel when he's 
bald, and I'm sort of cringing inside about it. I feel like 
a daily ritual would not be too much to ask of someone.

I'm fed up with hearing, "If you love him, let him be" 
because my attraction to him is an important part of our 
lives. What should I do? 
-- TIRED OF SITTING ON MY HANDS

TIRED: Most women are not so fixated on "what's on top" 
that they fail to value what's underneath. While some 
hair loss is treatable with a "daily ritual," some is 
not. The kind that isn't can be successfully treated 
with a hair transplant -- if the candidate is eligible, 
and if it is done by a talented, qualified surgeon.

Whether Jasper is willing to endure the discomfort or 
the inconvenience is anyone's guess. In fact, he might 
prefer to find a woman who is less hung up on hair than 
you. Frankly, I'm betting he wouldn't have to look too 
"fur."

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ABBY: Please help me. I am a 24-year-old daughter who 
works with my father in a small company. We weren't 
close until I reached college age. Since I have been 
working with him, we have grown much closer. 

I love my parents dearly. However, Dad has an addictive 
personality. He has smoked, drunk and gambled in the 
past, but overcame these issues. Dad had an alcohol 
relapse a few years ago. Mama found him drunk. She hid 
it from my sister and me, but later told me in confidence. 
She said if he ever did it again, she might leave him.

Our business is having a rough time, and I found a stash 
of alcohol in Dad's office. I know it can be no one else's. 
I don't want to ruin his marriage, nor do I want to lie 
by omission to Mama. Should I confront him, or let it 
play out and pretend I didn't know? 

I'd be devastated if they divorced. My sister is still in 
school. This is difficult since he's my dad AND my boss. 
Any direction would be greatly appreciated. 
-- DAUGHTER WHO KNOWS TOO MUCH

DAUGHTER: Tell your father you found his stash and urge him 
to get back into his program immediately. Give him a deadline 
to do it AND to tell your mother. If he doesn't, then you 
must. She has a right to know, and if you remain silent, you 
will only enable your father to continue drinking.

For your own emotional health, please do not allow yourself 
to be in the middle. I have mentioned Al-Anon so often I'm 
beginning to feel like an echo chamber. So allow me to 
mention another group that may be helpful. 




ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as 
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline 
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box  
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. 
____________________________________________________________

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