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Publication: Dear Abby
Therapy Helps Deaf Woman Speak Too Well To Be Believed

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        DEAR ABBY - April 21, 2008 
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THERAPY HELPS DEAF WOMAN SPEAK TOO WELL TO BE BELIEVED

ABBY: I am a deaf woman who was raised by a woman who made 
sure I had speech therapy most of my life. Because of it, 
my speech is quite good, and people often forget that I am 
deaf or don't believe me.

I was pulled over by a cop, and when I told him I was deaf 
and needed to read his lips, he didn't believe me. Friends 
and co-workers have even told me, "With speech like yours, 
you can't be THAT deaf!" It is frustrating and sometimes 
hurtful.

The truth is I cannot hear, and I need people to look at me 
so I can read their lips. Any suggestions on how to kindly 
remind people -- including law enforcement officers -- that 
I really am deaf? 
-- READ MY LIPS IN D.C.

READ MY LIPS: You should request from your physician a card 
explaining your hearing disability, and carry it in your 
wallet in case you are stopped again by law enforcement. You 
can also use it if there are any more misunderstandings in 
the workplace.

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ABBY: I'm a 46-year-old woman with two grown children. My 
daughter, "Summer," is abusive. Her husband, "Craig," laughs 
it off and calls it "just being Summer," but I don't find it 
funny. My health isn't 100 percent, and sometimes I need help.

I live in Nebraska, and Summer lives in Illinois. When she 
and Craig fight, she comes to stay with me and my husband. 
I had foot surgery last year. The last time Summer was here, 
we had an argument and she stomped on my feet until they 
bled. I was so badly injured I had to go to the ER for 
treatment.

Summer is now angry because I changed my will and made my 
best friend the executor. It has always been understood that 
if I got sick, Summer would take care of me because I don't 
want to go to a nursing home. But I'd rather risk being 
abused by a stranger than my daughter, and my son lives too 
far away to help.

Am I right about this? My husband doesn't like it. During 
the four years we've been together, he hasn't shown me he 
loves me enough to follow my wishes regarding being sick or 
dying. I'm not scared, but I need to know that what I want 
is what I'll get. Your thoughts, please? 
-- MIND OF MY OWN

MIND OF MY OWN: Your daughter appears to be seriously 
disturbed. Because she has a history of violence, she should 
not stay in your home, nor should you be alone with her. I 
can only hope that after she assaulted you, the incident was 
reported to the police. Under no circumstances should she be 
your caregiver.

You have options besides going to a nursing home. One would 
be to hire a home health-care worker in the event you become 
unable to help yourself. You should also consult a lawyer 
who specializes in wills and trusts to ensure that a person 
you can trust has your power of attorney for health-care 
decisions and will, if necessary, fight like a tiger for 
you to ensure that your wishes are carried out.

Because your marriage is recent, you may also want to 
ensure that any property that's in your name is handled 
according to your wishes. Do not wait to do this. It will 
give you peace of mind. 




ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as 
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline 
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box  
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. 
____________________________________________________________

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