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Publication: Dear Abby
Husband Revisiting His Youth Leaves Wife And Kids Behind

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             DEAR ABBY - April 12, 2007 
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HUSBAND REVISITING HIS YOUTH LEAVES WIFE AND KIDS BEHIND

ABBY: I am writing this in the hope that you may be able to 
help me. My husband of 20 years, "Rocky," has moved out of 
our home and into the apartment of his first love from 25 
years ago. Because of some research I did on the Internet,
as well as some conversations I had with a doctor, I think 
it's possible that he is going through a mid-life crisis.

Rocky is 43. I don't like the life he led all those years 
ago, and I'm afraid he is headed back in the same direction. 
He has changed, but she has not.

Rocky refuses to talk to me and hasn't spoken to the kids 
since he left. He says he is scared of what they will say 
to him and of how they must feel toward him. I am so hurt. 
I love my husband so much and miss him with all my heart. 
Do men who go through changes like this usually return to 
the families they left behind? Please help me. 
-- ROCKY'S WIFE IN MARYLAND

WIFE: Some straying husbands recognize that they have made 
a mistake, return to their families and make their marriages 
work. Others do not. Only time will tell into which category 
your husband will fall. 

In the meantime, do nothing rash. Wait him out. Have the 
kids write to their father once a week, telling him how much 
they love him, miss him and need him. You should do the same,
and enlist the help of your in-laws to see that the messages 
get through. While you're at it, assure him that you're 
willing to work on whatever issues drove a wedge between you 
in the first place.

I can't guarantee that this kind of campaign will work, but 
it's certainly worth a try. And in order to retain your 
sanity, stay active, in close touch with friends and family, 
and cultivate support systems of your own. And please know 
that I'm rooting for you.

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ABBY: One of my girlfriends, "Dana," broke up with her boy-
friend, "Gil," last summer. Prior to the breakup, Dana had 
obtained the password for his computer log-in to help him 
fix a computer problem. After the split, she tried Gil's 
computer password on his e-mail and gained access to his 
e-mail account. Dana has been reading his e-mail for six 
months.

When they split, he requested that there be no contact of 
any kind. Should I contact Gil and tell him what has been 
going on? And is this stalking? 
-- ANONYMOUS IN MICHIGAN

ANONYMOUS: Yes, it could be considered a form of stalking, 
because Dana appears to be obsessed with who her former 
boyfriend is seeing and what he's doing. You would be going 
Gil a favor to tell him to change his password. Wouldn't 
you want to know? I would!



ABBY: I have lived for years without an answering machine. 
It was my choice. Many people have complained to me about it 
over the years, but I feel that between my phone, my cell 
phone, my husband's cell phone and his business line, we are 
quite reachable -- and what's the big deal, anyway? I'm home 
almost all the time and frequently scroll through my caller 
ID.

Is it a breach of "good manners" not to have an answering 
machine, as many people have suggested? 
-- JULIE IN COLORADO

JULIE: No rule of etiquette "demands" that you have an 
answering machine or be available to people 24/7. Everyone 
deserves private time. Perhaps the complainers are upset 
because you are not calling them back as quickly as they 
would like. But that's their problem, so don't make it yours. 




ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as 
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline 
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box  
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. 
____________________________________________________________

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END OF ABBY
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