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Publication: Clean Laffs
Survival of the fittest.

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             CLEAN LAFFS - Monday, July 7, 2008

Good morning crew, 

Welcome to a new week, folks. Hopefully you enjoyed your 
weekend and the holiday and still have all of your fingers. 
I am still recovering from a grueling three days which I 
an frankly surprised I survived, so I will let you get right 
to the good stuff and I am going to go find someplace to 
take a nap.

Laugh it up, 


P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Clean Laffs Forum


     Chugga-chugga Chugga-chugga CHOOOO CHOOOOO!
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as he guides you on a spectacular coast-to-coast journey on 
3 of America's greatest trains! The Great Trans-American 
Train Ride will carry you from "Sea to Shining Sea" on a 
romantic and nostalgic cross-sountry journey aboard the last 
great passenger trains of the U.S.A.. On DVD for $16.99.

The Great American Train Ride


"I got a good tip from my stockbroker the other day. He 
said, 'For only 39 cents, I can super size those fries for 
you.'" -Jay Leno 


"There was a story on 60 Minutes last night that said the 
happiest people on earth are not Americans. The Danish are 
the happiest people! I'm not surprised — they make Legos 
in Denmark. Who doesn't like Logos?" -Craig Ferguson 


"The New York City subway system announced that it will hire 
350 new workers to clean up the subway. So this brings the 
number of workers cleaning the subway to 350." -Conan O'Brien 

  Don't Take Any Chances When It Comes to Your Health
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Monitor which will provide a completely safe and accurate
blood pressure reading without leaving your home. Don't let 
the stress and hassle of the Dr's office affect the readings 
of your pressure. Use the Wristech Blood Pressure Monitor.
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Maybe this is why they don't teach music in high school 
any more. Following are actual answers from students on 
music tests... 

- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was 
called pre-Madonna. 

- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the 
same lines. 

- Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony. 

- All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know ex-
actly what they sounded like because there are no known 

- Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze 
Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, 
Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in 

- Music sung by two people at the same time is called a 
duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco. 

- A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. 

- Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing. 

- Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the 
Hatfields and the McCoys. 

- I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say. 

- Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical com-
positions and had a large number of children. In between he 
practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. 

- Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano 

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*

While my brother was stationed overseas, his wife wrote to 
him daily. For an added touch, she'd always scribble little 
abbreviated notes on the outside of the envelope. 

One day my brother received a letter with the familiar "SWL" 
(sealed with love) message on the envelope. He noticed that 
the letter was sealed with tape and chuckled when he read 
this notation written by a postal employee: "Love didn't 
stick--resealed in Seattle." 


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