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Publication: Clean Laffs
A little ointment should clear it right up.

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CLEAN LAFFS                          Tuesday, July 29, 2008
-----------------------------------------------------------


Good morning crew, 

After a very mild afternoon of sailing on Saturday we tied 
off to the courtesy dock in Burnham harbor and sat for a 
while, talking and sipping on beers. As the afternoon sun 
beat down on us we took a few dips in the harbor water until 
it occurred to me to cut out the middle man. 

strapping on my life vest and popping a can of beer in a 
cozy cup I tied myself to one of the rails and floated away 
from the boat, cool, comfortable and hydrated. 

Of course, harbor water being what it is I think all of the 
engine fuel and sewage I was soaking in gave me a rash. At 
least, I hope that's what gave me the rash. 

Laugh it up, 

Joe 

P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Clean Laffs Forum

                            ***

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                            ***

"Shark Week begins this week on the Discovery Channel. We 
have a family tradition at the Kimmels during Shark Week. 
Every year, on the Sunday that Shark Week begins, I make 
my kids get in the pool with a small shark, and the first 
one who gets bit, doesn't have to do dishes for the rest 
of the year." -Jimmy Kimmel

                            ***

"Japanese Sumo wrestling officials may start allowing 
wrestlers now to wear pants. Ah, great – there goes the sex 
appeal." --Dave Letterman 

                            ***

"A new study says that it actually takes men longer to shop 
on the internet then it does for them to shop in an actual 
store. Well of course! There's no naked women at the stores." 
 --Jay Leno 


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------------------------------------------------------------


Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends' 
and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to 
compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted 
on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number 
of computer stores to find a software program that would do 
the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found 
one where the clerk seemed experienced. 

"Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays 
and anniversaries?" I asked. 

"Have you tried a wife?" he replied. 


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*

A New York judge is ready to go through the day's business 
and he is very rushed. The first case up involves an elderly 
Jewish gentleman with a long beard, payos, the works. 

The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk: 
"Quick...get me a translator." 

Translator shows up and the judge says: "Ask him what his 
name is, how old is he and where does he come from?" 

The translator says: "Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein 
namen, vie alt bist du, and fun vie kumst du?" 

The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect 
English with a British accent: "Your Honour. My name is Sir 
Chaim Ginsbug. I shall be 82 next Thursday and I've come 
from England where I hold the chair of Hebrew Philosophy at 
Oxford University." 

The translator turns to the judge and says: "Ehr zukt, ehr 
is Sir Chaim Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt, 
und ehr is, mit sach Yiddish philisoph, areingekummen fun 
Oxford." 

____________________________________________________________


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