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Publication: Clean Laffs
Now I'm paranoid.

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             CLEAN LAFFS - Friday, June 13, 2008

Good morning crew, 

Friday the 13th. That's good luck, for me anyway since I'm 
on vacation. Boy, I hope I'm enjoying myself. I have a 
tendency to get sick after plane rides and I very well could 
be in bed with a fever right now. 

Great, now I'm paranoid. 

Laugh it up, 


P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Clean Laffs Forum


Repel Insects Effectively Without Smelly Candles or Sprays
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frames, mirrors and more. Great for camping or around the 
house, these 12 self adhesive stickers each covers up to 50
square feet and are effective for up to 30 days. 

Repellent Sticker 12-pack


"I am wearing one of the sweaters from "The Cosby Show." 
Bill Cosby and his wife Camille are auctioning them off 
for their charity. This is a piece of television history. 
When I wear it, though, I have a strong craving for a 
Jell-O Pudding Pop." -Jimmy Kimmel


"It's hot out! It's so hot out that I stopped at Ben and 
Jerry's for a scoop of ice cream and the guy at the counter 
asked if I wanted that in a cup, cone, or in my pants." 
 --Dave Letterman 


"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that 
one can be designated driver." --Jay Leno 

  Own 3 Vintage Movies from "the Bowery Boys" on One DVD

Whether you remember them as the East Side Kids, The Dead 
End Kids or the Little Tough Guys, the Bowery Boys and their
collection of nearly 100 movies have fallen into obscurity. 

Now thanks to Vintage Movie Classics Butch, Skinny and the
rest of the boys will live on forever in three of their most
popular movies: Ghosts on the Loose, Kid Dynamite and They
Made Me a Criminal. Own these three movies on one DVD for 
just $9.99 by visiting: Kids on the Loose: The Bowery Boys

[I know this is supposed to be humorous...but some of these 
tips make a lot of sense to me.] 

Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple 

* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. 
Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't 

* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car 
phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to 
your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and 
mounting the curb. 

* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers 
turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked 

* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and 
remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. 

* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. 
The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom 
carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a 
contrasting polish should be selected). 

* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply 
pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The 
blockage is almost instantly removed. 

* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The 
following morning you can create the effects of hangover by 
drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging 
your head repeatedly on the wall. 

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*

One day my young daughter and I were listening to an old tune 
by Simon and Garfunkel. When the song finished, she asked me, 
"Well, did he?" 

"Did he what?" 

"Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?" she asked. 


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