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Publication: Clean Laffs
Now I'm paranoid.

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             CLEAN LAFFS - Friday, June 13, 2008
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Good morning crew, 

Friday the 13th. That's good luck, for me anyway since I'm 
on vacation. Boy, I hope I'm enjoying myself. I have a 
tendency to get sick after plane rides and I very well could 
be in bed with a fever right now. 

Great, now I'm paranoid. 

Laugh it up, 

Joe 

P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post 
comments on this and recent issues at... Clean Laffs Forum

                            ***

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                            ***

"I am wearing one of the sweaters from "The Cosby Show." 
Bill Cosby and his wife Camille are auctioning them off 
for their charity. This is a piece of television history. 
When I wear it, though, I have a strong craving for a 
Jell-O Pudding Pop." -Jimmy Kimmel

                            ***

"It's hot out! It's so hot out that I stopped at Ben and 
Jerry's for a scoop of ice cream and the guy at the counter 
asked if I wanted that in a cup, cone, or in my pants." 
 --Dave Letterman 

                            ***

"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that 
one can be designated driver." --Jay Leno 


------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------------------


[I know this is supposed to be humorous...but some of these 
tips make a lot of sense to me.] 

Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple 

* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. 
Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't 
know. 

* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car 
phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to 
your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and 
mounting the curb. 

* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers 
turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked 
illegally. 

* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and 
remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. 

* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. 
The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom 
carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a 
contrasting polish should be selected). 

* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply 
pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The 
blockage is almost instantly removed. 

* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The 
following morning you can create the effects of hangover by 
drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging 
your head repeatedly on the wall. 


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*

One day my young daughter and I were listening to an old tune 
by Simon and Garfunkel. When the song finished, she asked me, 
"Well, did he?" 

"Did he what?" 

"Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?" she asked. 

____________________________________________________________


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