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       Classic Laff-a-Day - August 5, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,

I've been staring out my office window watching a surprisingly
small group of Carnies set up a carnival. Pretty neat stuff.
Growing up, my family always used to tell me that I should run
away and join a circus. Too bad for them I never did.

It's lunchtime and the circus people are walking over to the
Denny's. There goes the Illustrated Man, the Bearded Lady
and one of those Wolfboys... Oh, hang on, that's just Satan and
Magilla talking to one of our IT people.

Believe it or not, one single guy is building the ferris
wheel... Oh, hang on, here comes a big fat guy to help him.
Nope, he passed the ferris wheel and went into the porta potty
to take a dump.

I don't see a bumper car cage. That was pretty much the only
ride we ever went on as children. It was free. Well, it wasn't
really free, but me and a buddy used to take turns distracting
the Carny so that the other one could sneak on. Sometimes we
got caught, but the guys were never really mean. I bet they
grew up poorer than us and had a soft spot for young ratty kids.
Today, I bet they'd put their cigarettes out on you.

Hey, what do you know, the fat guy's out of the crapper. He's
walked over to the ferris wheel and is giving the guy a hand.




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Glow In The Dark Stair Guides (Set of 6)

Led Zeppelin Stairway to Heaven lyrics

Theres a lady whos sure
All that glitters is gold
And shes buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.

Theres a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook
Theres a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

Theres a feeling I get
When I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And its whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If theres a bustle in your hedgerow
Dont be alarmed now,
Its just a spring clean for the may queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
Theres still time to change the road youre on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it wont go
In case you dont know,
The pipers calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How evrything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when
the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the
back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not
complete the transaction unless the card was signed.

When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to
compare the signature on the credit card with the signature
I just signed on the receipt.

So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully
compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt.
Luckily, they matched.


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During WWII a fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and 
was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad so the 
German doctor amputated his arm. The pilot requested that they
drop his arm over his base in England. The Germans, in a rare
display of respect, did. 

Then next week they amputated his other arm and he asked for 
the same thing. Again, the Germans complied. 

The week after that they amputated his leg, and he again asked
for them to drop it over his base in England.

The German general replied, "Nein, Ve do dis no more!"

The pilot asked, "Why not?"

The German answered, "Ve tink you trying to escape!"


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