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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Dad, What are Rubbers For?

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          CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, December 1, 2006           
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
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          GopherCentral's Question of the Week
          
Do you think "Kramer's" recent racist comments will kill 
his career?

Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week

Greetings Fellow Bizarros:

I was watching a movie the other day called The Summer Of '42. 
There was a scene where 15-year-old Hermie goes into the drug 
store to purchase condoms for the first time. Most guys can 
relate to this seminal first experience. My son walked into 
the room when Hermie asked for "rubbers". He asked me, "Dad, 
what are rubbers used for?"

I stammered and decided to give him a somewhat clinical 
answer designed to confuse him a bit and give me at least 
time to do some research on how to handle the question. I 
said, "Well, rubbers are prophylactics that cover genitalia. 
They are designed to keep you from spilling your DNA where 
it's not supposed to be."

He was properly confused. The next day I searched for the
history of the condom. I mean who was the first genius that
decided to cover their penis to avoid impregnating their
partner? The first recorded uses of condoms date back to 
13th century BC in Egypt. They used oiled, animal bladders
and intestines. There are some cave drawings in France dating
back to 100 AD. Why the artist would memorialize condoms on
cave walls is still a mystery.

Back in the 1500s condoms were not used for anti-pregnancy
measures (that was the ladies' problems back then) but to
stop the spread of venereal diseases. The really icky part
was that people reused the condoms, often without washing
them. Actually, it was not until the 1930s that single use
condoms came into vogue. 

So, what are the primary uses for condoms now? As things
change, they often come full circle. Most condoms are used
to ward off venereal diseases instead of anti-pregnancy
measures. Anyway, with this research fully implanted in my
memory, I am now ready to tackle the question with my son.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum

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--------- Where Prison Break-outs Go Unnoticed... ----------

PUERTO RICO - According to Puerto Rican prison authorities,
a count is taken of inmates at least four times a day. So,
then, how would they explain how four inmates escaped and
they didn't even realize until one of them turned himself 
in, three days later? Serrano Morales 28, had successfully
escaped his 46-year sentence for kidnapping an other crimes,
but felt the need to turn himself in. In the meantime, the 
remaining three inmates are still on the run. As for prison 
accountability, department spokeswoman Iraida Cintron said, 
"There's a count taken of the inmates four times daily, and 
so we're investigating how the inmates could have escaped."

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---- Fan Hopes to 'Inspire' Team - Lays on Bed of Nails ----

ENGLAND - As World Cup hysteria sweeps through the country,
an England fan is setting out to inspire his team. During
England's game against Brazil, York street performer Michael
Mime will meditate and lay on a six-foot bed of 1,000 nails. 
He will paint a St. George's flag all over his body and will
watch the match on a portable television while he meditates.
He admits, though, that he's a bit apprehensive. "I'm very
nervous about it and will have to really concentrate. My
friends think I need my head checking. It's quite painful
but the meditation helps. I'm sending a positive, strong
vibe to the players in the Far East," he said. All the
while, he is aware of the possible consequences: "There is
nothing to stop a nail going through my boxer shorts if
England score. But bums are very resilient," he said.

------ Prisoners 'Detained' in Painted Square on Floor -----

QUEENSLAND, Australia - "You are hereby sentenced to serve 
eight months in the painted square!" That's what they say in
some parts of Australia anyway. The Mareeba police station in
the far north of the Queensland state is so under funded 
that they don't even have a holding cell for prisoners. When
convicts are brought to the jail, officers tell them to
stay inside a painted square area on the floor and to not 
move. According to Gary Wilkinson, the president of the 
union, their budget is in dire need, but will be overlooked 
for another year. He insists the police department strives 
to serve the community in a professional manner, but the 
facilities undermine their intentions. "They don't have a 
holding cell...the holding cell at the Mareeba police station 
is a square painted on the floor...put your prisoner in that 
square and say, 'don't move'...that's how ridiculous it is," 
he said.

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- "Do You Take This Donkey to be Your Lawfully Wedded..." --

INDIA - Seasonal monsoons have started late in parts of 
India this year, causing severe droughts for the last couple
of months in Tamil Nadu state. To beckon the Hindu god of
rain, villagers held a ceremonial wedding for two donkeys. 
They dressed the donkeys up like a bride and groom and
escorted them into the village where they were to be married.
The procession ended with a large feast for the animals and
villagers of Sakkayanayakanur. It was the second ceremony
of its kind in the Indian village. In addition to the 
severe droughts, soaring temperatures have compounded the
problems for the villagers. A heat wave that led to a 118.4F
temp caused hundreds of people to perish. 


--------------- Portable Urinals for Women? ----------------

HOLLAND - Coming soon to a festival near you: mobile urinals
for women. The new WC3 mobile urinal was inspired by the P-
mate which allowed women to urinate while standing. Moon
Zijp, the original inventor, thought of the innovation while
traveling in Indonesia in 1988 and found the area short of
toilets. Back at home, she worked on perfecting what would
become the P-mate: a cone-shaped receptacle from a firm,
leak-proof material. The pouch can be folded and put in a 
woman's purse until needed and then discarded after use. 
The new model will allow 16 women to urinate at the same 
time while standing and is being tested at several events
around the world. 

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world   
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The   
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..   
Bizarre Uncensored 


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis...They're known as 'Rocky Mountain oysters'.  They're 
considered a delicacy in that neck of the woods. I sampled 
them in in Denver, Colorado. And yeah, I knew what they 
were when I ordered them. I figure if you enjoy performing 
oral sex on a woman you'll eat anything...heeheehee. You 
can edit that last sentence if you're gonna' publish this 
comment.
[Are you kidding? That's the whole reason I wanted to print 
it.]


Lewis, Remember to buy the shirt that says "I had a ball in 
Billings!"
[Consider it done.]


It sure takes balls to go to Montana and make that report. 
When are you going? -John
[You guys are real funny.]


actually, the spelling depends on where on the continent you 
are. In france it is "le foot-ball."
[And in Spain it's El foot-ball.]


I don't know about the alchohol on a scorpions back, but I do 
know that a scorpion will not walk on felt. --Tom
[Which must be why you never see scorpions in pool halls.]


I first subscribed to your newletter about 3 years ago and 
I received it regularly for some time.  I abrubtly stopped 
getting the newsletter at least 2 years ago (when you were 
going to Vegas).  I assumed that you were killed by your 
wife after the stripper incident, but today I logged on and 
lo and behold after all this time a new issue! Strange eh? 
 --Joe
[It sounds like the classic symptoms of alien abduction. 
Does your ass hurt?]


You should definately find out about what women look at 
first and what it means because I know a lot of other women 
besides Dianna that like good lookin hands! Also, eyes, 
shoulders, butt, etc... Christine
[Well, girls? Don't hesitate to send in what you think 
demands the most attention. And let's try to keep it half-
way clean.]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to:
Email Lewis
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Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

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